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I don't know if I'm gay but I don't want to be

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by illbehere, Sep 8, 2018.

  1. illbehere

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    Thank you so much for replying. Quick question. If any of it, what do you think worked the most?
     
    #21 illbehere, Sep 13, 2018 at 5:49 PM
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2018 at 5:50 PM
  2. Butterfly8

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    Well one of largest Christian ministries that attempted to "cure" homosexuality, Exodus International, recently shut down because it was ineffective. The president of the organization says that "99.9% of people do not change their sexual orientation". Source: http://skippingtothepiccolo.com/201...onal-director-99-9-people-change-orientation/
     
  3. Silveroot

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    As I said, it didn't make me straight, so it didn't work. It only made me appear straight to everyone else and confused me. It also made me hate myself.

    There are others on here who have been forced to attend conversion therapies, so you can also ask them about their experience.
     
  4. silverhalo

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    There doesn't have to be a reason why people get internalised homophobia, it's just a result of questions and accepting your sexuality sometimes isn't what you thought it was. I grew up in a liberal accepting family, I have a gay uncle who has for as long as I can remember had a same sex partner who was fully accepted by the family, I was always supportive of LGBT people and rights yet when in my mid 20's I questioned my own sexuality I found myself with internalised homophobia. Why? Who knows, it was just a case of my mind saying, nope it's ok for them but not for me. Perhaps for similar reasons like yourself I don't like to stand out or be different, I always worry about what others think but at some point you have to draw a line, it isn't easy but even as a straight person you cannot please all of the people all of the time. I don't think coming out as gay or bi or whatever necessarily makes you stand out anymore than the person trying to be something they are not.
    You can't change your sexuality, only bury it, hide it, deny it or accept it. The first three will undoubtedly make you miserable and hating yourself, but you will still have the same sexuality.
     
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  5. illbehere

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  6. illbehere

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    Okay thanks.
     
  7. Love4Ever

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    You shouldn't try to change yourself. There is no need. You don't need that kind of self hatred. You're not hurting anyone. You're just fine the way you are.
     
  8. illbehere

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    I guess so.
     
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  9. Love4Ever

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    I know there is a lot of pressure to be straight, but from what you've written on here it sounds like your mother accepts you and I'm sure the rest of your family will too. So you shouldn't have to pretend to be something you're not.
     
  10. illbehere

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    Thanks. I hope they do.
     
  11. tystnad

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    Oh honey... I know you probably don't like to hear this, but you're only just starting high school? You have SO much time left to figure things out before it starts to become problematic or eating up a significant portion of your life. A lot of people don't figure these things out until their twenties (literally every LGBT person i know irl only figured it out in college or later!), or even much later than that, like the stories you'll find in the LGBT later in life forum. You have SO much time left in your life - don't worry about wasting it because you're not sure. The goal here is not to figure out which exact label is for you - but what feels right for you to do. That is, if you want to date a girl? Go for it. Fall for a guy and want a relationship with him? Go for it. The answers will come if you let your feelings lead the way for you. Aim to become more you, rather than becoming a label. The label will come.

    Conversion therapy is not just useless - it can also be extremely traumatic, and honestly just make it harder to figure things out. Even DIY conversion therapy, because trying to destroy your true self will ultimately just lead to unhappiness with who you are, which ultimately will end up with you both lacking answers, and hating yourself for something you have absolutely no control over. It is not "worth a shot" - it is damaging. I don't want to sound too harsh because I more than understand why you would want to do this because I think a lot of LGBT people briefly consider forcing themselves to become something they're not just to fit the idea of what's 'normal' that they have been raised with, but please - conversion therapy is never worth it. It doesn't work. Period.

    Things will be okay. Take some time, take a breath, live your life a little. Explore who you are, and the answers will follow.
     
    #31 tystnad, Sep 15, 2018 at 2:31 PM
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2018 at 2:32 PM
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  12. Love4Ever

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    THIS. You will be okay. I promise. You don't need to rush.
     
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  13. illbehere

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    Thanks for replying. I know I’m still young but i feel time slipping away from me and I’m scared of that. I am very type A so not knowing what i am Is so hard. However i was thinking about it and I’m pretty sure I’m just Pan. Anyways, as for conversion therapy, I know it’s a terrible idea but it is so tempting. I’ve been thinking about coming out to my family as “not straight” just in case i change My mind on being pansexual. Then for school I’m never gonna officially come out i dont think, I’ll just figure Stuff out. I feel As though coming out to my family and being chill with coming out at school, will give me a lot more comfort as i figure this out. Also sorry for the random caps, I’m typing on my phone.
     
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  14. Love4Ever

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    I honestly think this is a fine idea. "Not straight" is a perfectly valid label.
     
  15. Love4Ever

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    And please put conversion therapy out of your head. I've heard terrible stories of what that does psychologically to people. There is a reason it is being banned and that's because not only will it not work but it can cause irreversible damage to someone. I know this sounds scary, but I want to do whatever it takes to steer you away from this because I don't want you to get hurt.
     
  16. Love4Ever

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    I repeat, there is nothing wrong with you or your feelings. There is nothing that needs to be "fixed." If you think you need to be fixed, couldn't you argue everyone on here all needs to be too? I obviously am not in your head and don't have the exact same feelings as you, but I'm a girl who likes other girls. Does that mean there is something wrong with me? Absolutely not. Imagine yourself in the position of someone being told by someone else that they're not straight. Surely you wouldn't say that they needed to be "fixed"? So why be so harsh on yourself?
     
  17. Love4Ever

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    Your mom sounds accepting and she loves you. Surely she also would not want her child to suffer unnecessarily. I could not imagine if I were a mother putting my child through that.
     
  18. illbehere

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    Thanks. I feel as though where I stand right now best fits that discription and it provides room for variability.
    Thank you. I feel terrible for even wanting to go through it because for some people they weren’t even given an option. I just need to work on accepting myself.
    Yeah. I definitely don’t think everyone else on here or in the LGBTQ+ community needs to be “fixed.” I just can’t stop thinking why we are LGBT+ and have to go through all this crap.
    I actually think she might be disappointed if i tried putting myself through that. But at the same time, I hate all this trouble and confusion and the hate from homophobic people etc. Thanks for taking your time to reply. It means for than you know.
     
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  19. Love4Ever

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    I am so glad you're working on accepting yourself. Stay strong. We are all here for you.
     
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