1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I don't know how to feel

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by tidalpool127, Sep 8, 2021.

  1. staticinmyattic

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2021
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    39
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I can’t speak for everyone, but I sure as hell don’t want to be trans! There are all sorts of
    I mean, I’m trans but would prefer not to be. My entire life up until very recently has been pretty much exclusively about not being trans. Eventually I just kind of accepted that cis people don’t devote huge amounts of time, energy, and attention to remaining cis. They just exist. Lucky.
    You are who you are. I told my wife today that the person I’m trying to set free is the best of me, it’s the person she married. I think she understood.
     
    tidalpool127 and QuietPeace like this.
  2. QuietPeace

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2020
    Messages:
    1,637
    Likes Received:
    1,078
    Location:
    Northern Europe
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Not an issue. Seriously anyone who says "I want to be universally hated and severely discriminated against" is mentally unbalanced. I have never wanted to be someone who has to transition, it is just who I am. I do not think that there is anything strong or courageous in being LGBT+. Where it becomes courageous is when any of us decide to live our truth.
     
    tidalpool127 likes this.
  3. tidalpool127

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2021
    Messages:
    105
    Likes Received:
    33
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Ah, enlightenment. I'm still not sure how to feel, but fortunately it has been made clear that it does not matter how a pervert like myself feels. Well, that is simple enough.
     
  4. QuietPeace

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2020
    Messages:
    1,637
    Likes Received:
    1,078
    Location:
    Northern Europe
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    For me I eventually decided to cut those people out of my life who would call me things like that. I feel much better for refusing to include hateful people as people who matter in my life. It was a long journey to get there though.
     
  5. tidalpool127

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2021
    Messages:
    105
    Likes Received:
    33
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don't know. I don't know what to do. I've been apologized to about that remark..in fact right after it happened. I posted it because I get overwhelmed by my emotions so damn easily I can't think correctly. Maybe I'm being unfair to everybody else in my life. I mean for you, @QuietPeace, it makes sense. You're a woman, that is core identity..more core than even sexual orientation. I don't think this is core like that for me . I just have these feelings but I don't think I'm a woman. I told my husband when we first met but I didn't tell him how young I was when this crap first started. I should try harder to let go of it. This is all my fault.
     
  6. QuietPeace

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2020
    Messages:
    1,637
    Likes Received:
    1,078
    Location:
    Northern Europe
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    You did let him know though so he cannot be surprised about it.

    We are who we are. We do not have to accept fault for existing nor should we apologize or have to force ourselves to be anyone else. No one chooses to be born nor do we choose who we are. Other people do choose to be horrible to us for who we are though. It is the people who do not accept us who should be apologizing and accepting fault.
     
    tidalpool127 likes this.
  7. staticinmyattic

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2021
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    39
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I want to share that the “W” word gives me significant pause as well. You and I have talked about the mounting evidence, so I think you get how I “knew.” I still struggle with the word “woman.” I can easily say “I’m trans,” or “I’m not a cis man,” but the phrase “I am a woman” gets stuck in my throat. I really do t understand why. I wonder if it’s out of deference for cis women or for trans women who have taken more steps to live out and open. It’s almost like I feel that I need to earn it before I can say it.
     
    tidalpool127 likes this.
  8. tidalpool127

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2021
    Messages:
    105
    Likes Received:
    33
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey @staticinmyattic, I think I get how you feel. I of course had mannerisms that bullies picked up on but before I came out as gay I tried very hard to appear straight. Posters of female SI models in my room, not allowing myself to wear anything but the plainest of clothes...I almost had a uniform of black band t-shirts and khaki cargo shorts in high school. I would watch the original Queer Eye for the Straight Guy at home alone with my finger hovering over the last channel button in case someone walked in. I thought because I didn't meet gay stereotypes that the community might reject me, so when I came out I adopted certain mannerisms, spoke with an affectation in an attempt to sound 'more gay'. So I get it, you're not sure how you fit in a community where others were more open about themselves earlier. In my experience, people understand about one not being ready at the same time they were. So just be yourself.