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I don't know how to deal with this roommate drama...

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Matto_Corvo, May 11, 2019.

  1. Matto_Corvo

    Full Member

    Apr 8, 2015
    Likes Received:
    Portland, Oregon
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    Sexual Orientation:
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'll try to keep this as short as I can.

    My roommate, RD, is polyamorous and non-binary (they/them). I knew then when I moved in with them and their baby and fiancee. The fiancee is TW and the other guy is KE.

    The story is a lot deeper than I have time to put on here but this is the most recent parts that are causing the current drama.

    RD and KE have decided to retry their relationship after they broke up. TW is not pleased, he HATES KE and is jealous over the fact that RD feels they can share things with KE and not TW. This is mostly due to the fact that TW isn't understanding about non-binary identities and doesn't care to understand. Meanwhile KE is a trans man.

    KE might of had a lot of problems in the past but he has made great strides in trying to improve himself and get help for his drinking and drug problems. His efforts is one of the reasons why I am some what okay, though a bit cautious, about my friend going back into a relationship with him.

    TW's reaction to all this has made me lose massive amount of respect for him and no longer wish to be around him.
    To start he gets pissed anytime he catches RD talking to KE on the phone. He refuses to call KE by his name, instead calling him shitstain, and then screaming dyke into the phone. Has told KE that since he hasn't tried to physically transition he is just a tomboy lesbian. TW does this knowing it will effect KE's mental health, and it pisses me off as a trans person that TW would do that. Its not okay, not matter how much you dislike a person. At one point he drove RD to KE's house and KE decided to go into the middle of the road and flip TW off in the rear view mirror. TW proceeded to put the car in reverse and try to run KE over, then yelled out the window for him to kill himself.
    TW would come home and tell me about everything, usually telling it in such a way that he was the victim and that KE started everything. I only learned what really happen from RD later on. RD was beginning to be terrified of being around TW when he was angry, afraid that he would hurt them. I could tell they were getting to the point of being done, but even if they broke up he would still be around. He has a record and won't be able to easily find a place to live, which means he would stay in the house with me while they would move back in with their mom. (their mom owns the house we are currently renting)

    Sure enough they did end up breaking up. It came out of no where for RD. He was in a good mood and planning to drive down to where RD currently was (for work they would some times stay in a town an hour and half away). Somehow between the drive from here to there TW ended up working himself into a pissed off mood. Walked into the room and told them he was done and that they were breaking up. He then proceeded to get even more pissed off when RD said okay and didn't argue with him about it. Realized now that he was trying to force RD to choose between him or KE, but RD was of the opinion that maybe a break would be good for them and TW. TW proceeded to yell at them and say that they never do anything to help out at the house and that he was going to get custody of the baby cause he could be a much better parent than them. He claims he doesn't remember saying any of that. The next day he came back saying he didn't mean it and that he didn't want to break up with her.

    That was two months ago and they are still broken up. He is now saying that is wants to kill himself and its all her fault, which her reaction is to come back to the house and keep an eye on him, which instantly puts him in a happy mood and pretends like nothing is wrong and they are happy couple again. He still gets pissed whenever he sees them on the phone with KE. He has started going through their phone, somehow figuring out the password even though they change the pin for it. He is also started looking over my shoulder any time I get a message, which pisses me off since a lot of the time I am talking to friends who are sharing personal things with me. He has started staying out till like 2am at the strip clubs, them coming home and trying to get RD to have sex with him and getting pissed when they refuse. When RD leaves for work in the other town they expect me to keep an eye on him, but I can't cause I work the graveyard shift and then sleeping as soon as I am home. I'm also completely done with him and keep telling them that he is going to do what he is going to do, and its all on him and no what they're fault.
    When RD's mom found out what he said about RD doing nothing at the house she immediately threaten to raise his rent to what the normal price would be (its currently $300 + a $100 for a loan he took from her) and reminded him that the car he drives for work is actually a car she bought for RD, and that the only reason he has a place to live and car and even his job is because RD did that for him. Also reminded him that he gets free childcare because RD's mom runs a daycare, but if he wants to go that way then she can start charging him for that service. He was also reminded that the car litter, cat food, dog food, and baby food + regular food is mostly bought by me with the occasional help from RD's mom
    TW had then turned around and started saying that RD is taking everything from him and how it just makes him want to kill himself. And that RD won't let him have time with the baby, but that is a lie. I know for a fact that it was agreed he can have her every night and on his days off, but he got pissed about that saying he doesn't want to have to come home from work to take care of the baby. He is also pissed at me because I let RD know that he was saying things about them to the baby.

    In the end I feel like for my sanity I need to move, but I can't afford a place on my. I have two friends (their a couple) who have agreed to get an apartment with me but I really don't want to move from where I'm at. This is my home, and even RD has said that they want to stay in the house and TW move out. TW said he would move out but he currently hasn't really looked for a place to live. RD keeps sending him links to places that don't do background checks, but that seems to just piss him off. He is realizing that he has it cheap in this house.
    I can't feel sympathy for him though. This is all the results of his own actions, and if he felt that this relationship wasn't working he should of left it before things got this bad.