Stuck inside due to the current situation, I’ve been thinking about things more than usual (and I spend a lot of time thinking!), and I’ve decided - I really don’t like being gay. I fully accept I am, I have no issue with it. I’m not ‘out’ because I live with extremely homophobic parents and I’ve messed up a couple of chances to make friends with other gay guys. I also accept there is no way to change your sexuality. But I don’t like being gay, and feel it’s almost taboo to say so with the gay community. I dislike the fact that very few gays guys are interested in actual relationships. I know long term ‘straight’ relationships are much rarer these days - the world has changed. But they’re even rarer in the gay community. In my experience, the majority only want one thing. I dislike the fact that if you don’t fit into the ‘tribes’ or ‘stereotypes’ you’re effectively an outcast. (I despise the term straight-acting, as it suggests you’re trying to be something you’re not) I dislike the fact that due to so many fitting into those ‘tribes’ and ‘stereotypes’, it makes it harder for those that don’t to come out. I’m just feeling very down at the moment, and it helps me to write down my thoughts. I feel it’s also beneficial for people to know it’s ok to not want to be gay, and that it’s really not always that positive. Again, I fully accept I’m gay, but I have to be honest, I would love not to be. I feel like I’ve been cursed, and that I’ll be lonely forever.