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I don’t like being gay

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Dave3030, Mar 26, 2020.

  1. Dave3030

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    Stuck inside due to the current situation, I’ve been thinking about things more than usual (and I spend a lot of time thinking!), and I’ve decided - I really don’t like being gay.

    I fully accept I am, I have no issue with it. I’m not ‘out’ because I live with extremely homophobic parents and I’ve messed up a couple of chances to make friends with other gay guys.

    I also accept there is no way to change your sexuality. But I don’t like being gay, and feel it’s almost taboo to say so with the gay community.

    I dislike the fact that very few gays guys are interested in actual relationships. I know long term ‘straight’ relationships are much rarer these days - the world has changed. But they’re even rarer in the gay community.

    In my experience, the majority only want one thing.

    I dislike the fact that if you don’t fit into the ‘tribes’ or ‘stereotypes’ you’re effectively an outcast. (I despise the term straight-acting, as it suggests you’re trying to be something you’re not)

    I dislike the fact that due to so many fitting into those ‘tribes’ and ‘stereotypes’, it makes it harder for those that don’t to come out.

    I’m just feeling very down at the moment, and it helps me to write down my thoughts. I feel it’s also beneficial for people to know it’s ok to not want to be gay, and that it’s really not always that positive.

    Again, I fully accept I’m gay, but I have to be honest, I would love not to be. I feel like I’ve been cursed, and that I’ll be lonely forever.
     
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  2. DecentOne

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    Hi Dave3030,

    I know you’ve had to deal with living at home with your parents, and how that has made it so difficult to develop a relationship with guys who stayed in contact with you over a long period (months, and more than a year in one case). It is hard to find a committed guy when you yourself can not guarantee you can be there for them when they ask you.

    I’m a lot older than you. I see a few gay guys in my acquaintance circle who are still “dating around”, but the majority are in long-term relationships. Some have been together for decades, and celebrated being able to be legally married in recent years. They are not lonely, as not only do they have a cherished partner in life, they also have hobbies and outside interests. It can get better.

    I hope you get to be out of your house, and free yourself from your parents. I know you said one of the guys you know offered for you to leave your parents and stay with his parents. Maybe after COVID-19 you’d consider that? Or maybe you won’t.
     
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  3. Dave3030

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    Thanks for your response.

    I think I messed up my chance with the guy your refer to, to be honest. I think part of the reason I feel so low is I’m not sure if it was just because of my situation that he stopped talking to me, or if he only ever really wanted to hook up, and all the nice stuff he messaged me was actually rubbish.

    It’s tough, because he’s the first guy I’ve really liked that I actually met up with. I’d have even been happy to just be friends and only see each other now and then.

    You mention your friends who are settled down - I’m not sure how much older than me you are, but I do feel there is a generational difference, and I don’t see that many guys under 30 are all that interested in relationships or even proper friendship.

    Like I say, another issue is I just don’t fit in. I don’t pretend to be anything I’m not, and I’m certainly not ‘one of the lads’. But I’m not interested in a lot of the things many gay guys are, and I don’t really see what I can do about that.
     
  4. silverhalo

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    Hey Dave, being stuck inside definitely makes your already tricky situation harder.

    I think it is ok to not like being gay but I also think it is probably a result of the difficulties it give you in your life.
    Finding a long term relationship can be notoriously difficult in the male gay community but I do think there are other people like you out there they just arent easy to find because those looking for hookups are out there more and more forwards, otherwise they wouldn't find what they are looking for.
    I really hope that one day you can make changes to your living situation which will then allow you other freedoms and I think that would help you so much.

    Take care.
     
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  5. razorsharp

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    You don’t have to like being gay. Most people probably don’t either (although they won’t admit it). Being gay is very difficult, which is why we have forums like this in the first place.

    Also, you are not obliged to act on your feelings. If you are not comfortable with having a sexual experience with someone of the same gender, then just don’t. It’s absolutely fine and actually safer.

    Many people with gay feelings lead fulfilling lives being single. Some even have successful marriages to the opposite gender. You have options.
     
  6. OnTheHighway

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    Being quarantined is probably having a lot of negative emotions overtake positive emotions. I would advise, as best you can under the circumstances, to try and maintain a positive attitude regardless of whats occupying your mind. Under todays such extreme circumstances, our minds can definitely be playing games with us.
     
  7. Dave3030

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    I’ve been very depressed for a long time, but yes, at the moment due to the situation I’ve lots of time to think.

    It’s certainly making me realise how lonely I am, and if I make it through the next few months, because none of us are safe, I really want things to change.
     
  8. silverhalo

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    Perhaps this can be the catalyst to make some changes :slight_smile:. We are all here for you in the meantime.
     
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  9. StillHorny

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    Dave3030 -
    The quarantine is likely intensifying your dissatisfaction right now. You should use some of your time to write in a diary. Reviewing your thoughts, you can choose to challenge one or two. Also, it might help not focusing on being gay for awhile. Rather, look at others as being possibly friends. Here in the US, it seems there are a lot of mixed groups - gay and straight, males and females. If you're looking to apps for finding friends, it seems the apps themselves make people flaky. The ones who are on there the most are the flakiest and the most lonely. Not good for your health. Best wishes to you.
     
  10. Lgbtqpride

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    Many older guys are interested in actual relationship, maybe you can find someone that is older and is ready to settle down.

    I think it is beautiful to be gay. You can find someone that know you better since you are the same gender.

    Discrimination exist in the gay community, people that are feminine are look down upon. I hate this too.

    You will not be lonely forever, you still can make friends with us.