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I don’t know

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by masterofnone, May 7, 2021.

  1. masterofnone

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    I’m a 17 year old male. i think i’m straight but i get nagging thoughts all day that i’m gay. growing up i always had crushes on girls, masturbated to girls, and had sex with women. on new year’s eve my best friend came out to me and said he likes guys but doesn’t know if he’s completely gay or bi. i was really happy for him and i still am. i didn’t think anything at the time because i think i know i’m straight. i mean after all last year i got completely heartbroken and was crying over a girl for months. but somehow my brain tells me i’ve just been covering up that i’m gay? when i look at gay porn it doesn’t arouse me. i understand that a straight guy like myself can see a guy and think they’re attractive. but if i try to imagine being with them sexually it just doesn’t feel right. i’ve had problems in the past in regards to not reaching climax during sex and i take this as “evidence” i’m gay, even though i have reached climax fast a few times, but more often than not i don’t climax. i don’t ever remember having crushes or attraction to guys. is sexuality something we know deep down? i can’t see myself being with another man but i can’t help but think maybe i’m suppressing that but when i truly think about that i don’t like it? i have no idea please help me
     
    #1 masterofnone, May 7, 2021
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  2. Braj

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    Hi Carter! I will not be the person to 'confirm' anything about your sexuality. I will just put my observations.

    Why do you think you are covering up that you are gay at this point? Did you not really felt heartbroken? It could be that you were not really heartbroken but you were trying to cover up and show that you were. It may not be because of that you are gay. Why do you think you are gay? You are not sexually attracted to men. Is there any other evidence?

    People may have problems reaching the climax. This does not mean you are gay.
     
  3. masterofnone

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    idk i’m just paranoid. i started getting these thoughts like a month or so ago. before then id never had any doubts about my sexuality. it’s just odd
     
  4. Braj

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    All I can say is that you keep observing your feelings and if you observe any pattern, then do post.
     
  5. Shoom

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    There are many men who don't realize their own sexuality until they are 30-40+.

    For me, I had to dig pretty deep to figure it out.

    Homophobia is rampant among our society. It isn't strange to be afraid of the possibility of being gay. Yes, it is possible that you aren't straight.

    To help you out in the only way I can -

    Your mind is always a grey area. Our emotions are highly complex, and what you might think is attraction to women could just be you trying to fill a role. A desire to feel accepted by society, and yourself. What you think is disgust or a lack of attraction to men could just be self hatred, homophobia, and a deep desire to be straight.

    Likewise, it could be that you are just a straight man who feels insecure about his place in life.

    As you can see, you can go back and forth forever asking these sorts of questions, and you won't ever get anywhere. Something still feels off, right?

    You've gotta step out of that logical realm with this stuff. It isn't logical, it's emotional. Follow your heart. Make mistakes. It could be something entirely unrelated to sexuality, but whatever it is, I recommend facing it! :slight_smile:
     
  6. masterofnone

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    i’m a very open minded person generally. i think if i truly had same sex attraction i would accept myself. i grew up in an open minded environment. i have spoke to my mum about these doubts and she said she’d accept me if i truly was. i think i’m just a bit down after some bad experiences. i have been diagnosed with ocd could this be a part of the problem? i think at most i could be bi? but even that doesn’t sound right for me personally
     
  7. QuietPeace

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    Welcome to EC.

    Reading through your original post what came to mind for me was that it sounded like OCD. Then after a bit of discussion you say this
    Yes, absolutely this can be your OCD. There are medications that can help with it, you should consult a psychiatrist and work through your OCD before going ahead with anything about your orientation.

    From this in your original post
    You sound straight without even indications of being Bisexual but having OCD. I know that you cannot just stop the thoughts any more than I can become not depressed but there are things that you can do to help it. Please do seek out the help for your OCD.
     
  8. masterofnone

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    thanks for this reply. when i read about people having sexual orientation crisises it doesn’t seem like me. i’ve recently researched sexual orientation ocd and that definitely seems like me