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I don’t know whether I’m a lesbian, but I don’t want to be.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Naomi2173, Mar 7, 2018.

  1. Naomi2173

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    im 16 and i have had boyfriends all my life. When I turned 14 I had this bestfriend and I was weirdly obsessed with her, got jelous when she was with other friends, got jealous when she had a boyfriend; got upset over the slightest of arguments. I thought this was normal. Anyways 2 year’s later I moved School and stopped speaking to her. I got other friends and didn’t feel the same way about them. I’ve had two proper boyfriends but I just get so bored of them after I while and I’ve got no time to see them. I like hooking up with boys but not being in relationships. I had this other new bestfriend ‘sarah’ who I spent nearly every single day with, all day. We used to just sit and watch films and cuddle all day - she’s straight and she’s got a boyfriend who I get weirdly jealous over too. We’ve recently went separate ways but now that I haven’t got her I’m starting to think that I might be a lesbian and actually inlove with her because I don’t make time for anyone else anymore as I can’t be bothered - but i would still make time for her. I think about her first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Im always looking for her even when she isn’t there. I’ve started to do drugs (not clever I know) and whenever I’m on them, I always see other people as her. I don’t know if I’m jealous just because I want her life style or if I’m actually a lesbian and I like her - which I really hope I aren’t as I want to be straight; no one would accept me gay.
     
  2. Bicchi

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    He
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    Questioning
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    Not out at all
    All that matters is that you accept yourself as gay if that ends up being the case. It’s not a choice, and this feeling is something I imagine everyone has had to work through.

    In my experience (really an assumption since I’m somewhat new hear lol), no one who has gone so far as to find this site, sign up, and post has left the site feeling completely straight, so that might be something to think about. No one can really tell you your orientation because only you know best. Just allow yourself to realize your true desires.

    An exercise I always see recommended here is to visualize your future with a man, and then a woman (preferably the two you mentioned) and see which one feels more natural to you. Then close your eyes and also try having a sexual fantasy with a man (someone you find attractive or even your past boyfriends since you’ve had relations with them) and one with a woman (again, with one of the two you mentioned or anyone you find attractive). Allow yourself to truly let go. If you feel more turned on by the latter over the actual past sexual experiences you’ve had so far, that’s also worth noting.

    Hope this helps. Good luck
     
  3. Earthfae

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I spent 39 years having sex with men, with just 1 close female friend that I was comfortable messing around with for a short while. I've never been attracted to men however strange that soo.ounds. They flocked to me and I was receptive. Finally had a woman throw herself at me and I jumped on it. Having the best time ever now. It's difficult to explain but i think i get you. You're just doing what comes easy, boys. You're having romantic feelings with women whom you just happen to relate to better. The question then comes to sexual attraction. Who turns you on? Maybe both, maybe neither. But that's the real question I think you need to ask yourself. Don't be afraid of whatever you discover. It's OKAY to be lesbian. It's OKAY to be bisexual. And it's also perfectly okay to be straight. Just be you. You're very young still. Don't stress yourself so much. Things will fall into place. You just have to remember to love yourself and do what YOU want to do, not what others pressure you into. Don't find yourself 39 years old finally coming out... like me! LoL
     
  4. seeastar

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
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    Out to everyone
    I think that you should just trust your gut. Listen to your heart and everything else will fall in to place. I've never been with a guy, nor do I want to, so I can't relate on that level, but I remember trying to figure out my sexuality. It is a crazy experience, to say the least. Once I just relaxed and figured everything out, I was finally happy. I don't know if any of this helps, but if you every want to talk, I'm here.