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i don’t know when, how, or who to come out to?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by t grace, Dec 12, 2021.

  1. t grace

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    so i just recently came to terms with myself as being bisexual. i would love to tell my friends and family but i don’t know if it’s too soon or if i’m even ready myself. i definitely wanna at least tell one person because i don’t wanna keep this to myself forever, but i also fear judgement. any advice on when to come out, who to come out to, and what makes it easier?
     
  2. quebec

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    t grace.....Coming out can be wonderful and terrible. Occasionally at the same time! The most important factors in deciding when to come out are:
    *****Come out when YOU are ready. Don't let anyone push you into it if you are not at the place where coming out is right for you.
    *****If you are concerned that coming out face-to-face could turn into a heated discussion you might want to consider using a letter WHEN the time comes to tell your family/friends. Coming out in writing/email means you will not be interrupted or face a barrage of questions that you need to answer immediately, in the heat of the moment. You get time and they get time to think too and that counts for a lot. There are some great sample coming out letters here on empty closets that could be a big help to you. Even if you don't eventually use the letter/email, taking the time to think about it and to write one will help you to be sure to say what you need to say and leave out the rest! You can even use it as a kind of script if you do choose to come out verbally to them! :old_smile: Again a big plus to a letter is that you don't have to be present when the letter is read. That can be a very big help as it eliminates the potential face-to-face confrontation that can easily go bad. It gives the person reading the letter some time to think before they talk to you. After all, you've had time to think about your sexuality...giving them some time to think about it too only seems fair! Check the letters out (see below)...they could be a real help!
    *****Also...when you do come out, whether it's tomorrow or a year from now, your family/friends will probably have questions. Take some time now to think about what those questions might be. Such as; "How do you know you are Bi?" or "How long have you felt this way?" etc. The questions themselves will vary a great deal dependent upon your family/friends...so take that into consideration. If you work up a list of five or so questions with the answers already planned, you will be perceived as a more mature, serious person.
    *****COMING OUT LETTERS: http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out-letters.php
    *****Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  3. SamTheMikanSimp

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    Coming out is definitely a stressful and scary time so it's important for you to come out when you are ready maybe come out to your friends and slowly graduate to the other people again do it once you are ready
     
  4. Misadori

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    Not to be repetetive but as it has been mentioned above, it's all about when you're ready to have the talk:slight_smile: It should be on your terms and how/when you wanna tell it. I remember that night I told one of my friends of my interests in female clothing. I was very nervous but I was also goin' through many thoughts that time so it put me in some kind of "sensitive zone" where I felt more brave about talkin' about it. We were in his car and this was a friend I've been able to talk about thoughtss, dreams, philosophy etc. I felt very secure and I also knew that he's very open minded about people bein' happy of who they are on the inside. Given that he was that kind of person and that we were in a position where noone else but us two could hear our conversation made it all possible to tell:slight_smile: So simply put: Don't force yourself to tell if you don't think it's the time and place. It's all about when you're ready and it should be on your terms^^ If you decide to tell, you're more than welcome to come back here and tell us all^^ I bet that I ain't the only one here who would like to know(A):wink:
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    You have already received good advice, so I won't duplicate it.

    If you are thinking of coming out in person, just consider the timing carefully. Don't tell people when they are about to leave the house and get behind the wheel of a car and please don't tell parents or close relatives over the Christmas holidays. I've heard of people making big announcements at Christmas family get togethers and it nearly always goes badly for them. Everyone is coming down from the stressful run-up to the holidays and trying to relax, so it's not a good moment to introduce a point of potential conflict.
     
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  6. Gay Brett

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    Great advice about Christmas, Patrick!
     
  7. Ggg

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    I remember when I came to terms with being Bisexual. I would have to say you have to do it in a way that you are comfortable with. That being said, there is no easy way. For me, when I came out to my wife, she was to my surprise, very understanding. She shared her feelings and she admitted that she had some thoughts as well. After many conversations and with help from a counselor we were able to reach a conclusion about our relationship. It took time, but what we found has been working for us. I still love my wife, even more than when we got married. It was through calm talk and really listen to each other that we were able to find the answer. We are now in a open mariage, she has a wonderful girlfriend and I have a great boyfriend. I have no regrets.
     
  8. resu

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    Coming out is kind of a continual process; many people will still assume you're straight. When coming out as bisexual, there will be a lot of people who discount that ("everyone's a little bi") or ask if you're sure or not, which is not helpful. That's why a lot of people come out to who they trust the most to be accepting. I did that first with friends, especially my best friend from elementary school who was also gay.