I don’t know what to do anymore.

Hi Lorraine,
My name is Brandy, I'm 42 years old, transgender/genderqueer/non binary... SOMETHING! and I still haven't figured that part out fully. I'm into all genders, always have been, and it's been really rough at times. Sounds to me like you could really use an ear, we're here, but know that help even if you just want to vent, cry, whatever, is out there.
Please don't hurt yourself though, no matter how much it hurts sometimes. If you think you're going to hurt yourself, please, wait a little while longer, even one minute, can you manage five?
In those minutes, can you instead reach out for help? Find one friend, imagine what you'd say to one trusted teacher, one trusted friend, just one person.
If you can't wait for a response, if you hurting that much, please just use your phone and call 911.
Call 911, all you have to do is give yourself one minute. One minute to say "I think I'm going to hurt myself."
If you can't think of a friend today, (I looked for an Indiana kids help phone line and my google skills kinda suck, so I didn't see one), but have a look at
Kidshelpphone.ca
They're Canadian, but trust me, as a Canadian, they are so understanding and supportive of LGBTQ kids. They have online chat, or call
1(800)668-6868
They won't turn you away. I'm not sure if they're being overloaded with American kids right now because I keep telling American kids just like you, scared, lonely, frustrated, pissed off, to call because I don't really know the American option that's quite like kidshelpphone.ca
Maybe they know a local resource for you. But I guarantee they understand your situation, they talk to LGBTQ kids all the time, you're not alone.
Please don't hurt yourself. Give yourself even just one minute to pick up your phone and ask for help.
Can you do that for me, for all of us here?

 

Hi hon, trying to reply. I just joined today so I’m not sure how to use this. How old are you?

 

Well you can always talk about it here, and I will try to help as much as possible.

 

your welcome.

 

@Lorraine

I do have a sense of what you are going through. I myself was a teen cutter and a lesbian. If your counselor doesn't seem gay-friendly you can still discuss the cutting issue. They can help you find safer, alternative ways to deal with the emotional stress than cutting. I would hope in today's age we wouldn't have therapists that would not try to sway you or be against LGBTQ, but there still are some. You can always come here to talk about those issues and everything else. You'll find that we are a great group and ready to listen and hear you. I can say it will get better even if you just have to make it until you graduate and get out on your own. I am a lot older than you, but at my age I have finally accepted myself and found happiness without getting the approval of my family. You can get there, it just may take some time. Have you tried journaling? Here is an Indiana support group - INDIANA YOUTH GROUP www.indianayouthgroup.org IYG provides a safe place, a confidential environment and services which foster self-esteem, resiliency and positive decision-making skills among LGBTQ young people. 2943 E. 46th Street Indianapolis, IN 46205 Phone: 317-541-8726 They can most likely help you with other resources.

 

I

I can assure you the person on the other end of the line isn't thinking you're probably just another hormonal 13 year old going through a phase.
As soon as you speak to a trained, sympathetic counselor and mention that you think you might be gay, or you're struggling with a sense of identity be it gender or otherwise, or you're struggling with feeling you're not important (you are!), or that you've hurt yourself before or are thinking of it again, a whole bunch of red flags go off and these counselors listen to your unique circumstance, and try to help you find the best resources so that you and your family can get through this tough time. That isn't to say that they will notify your family, but they realize that the best possible outcome involves solutions where your family is included, where there is no evidence of child abuse.
I understand you don't necessarily want to tell it all to a stranger on the phone, and you may not think of a kids help line in a moment of high distress, but you can remember 911, right?
I'm telling you 100% from experience, I was a 911 dispatcher, that a young person thinking of or about to hurt themselves is absolutely a 911 emergency, as much as is a house fire or someone having a heart attack. They will help you, if you need it, is that fair enough?

 

Thank you for showing yourself the love you deserve!

 

Hi Lorraine....
I hope your doing ok, thinking of you...your get plenty of support here on EC....XXX

 

It's very unfortunate that your parents are so closed minded about this. Sure does make things tougher, doesn't it?

 

My parents, sister and brother in law are Christians (so am I) and HUGE homophobes. HOWEVER, my parents accepted my bisexuality in the best way ever. They used gender neutral words to describe possible future partners and told me they love me regardless, as long as I am happy. They just want me to be happy. I couldn't have asked for a better reaction. Why am I telling you this? To show you that even the biggest homophobes can learn to accept their child/family member as bi- homo- or transsexual. You just need to stand your ground and tell them that that is who you are. It's a part of you, and that you didn't change as a person, your choice in partners may just differ from theirs. Don't be discouraged, but also remember that there are 5 stages of acceptance: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. And they won't go through those stages in a day. You yourself have gone through those stages when you were learning to accept yourself. Give them time. They will come 'round. And if they need to be reminded sometime down the line, do it! Don't hide a part of who you are. You deserve to be happy too! I wish you all the best, and I hope your parents will still treat you the same