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I did it. I came out to my husband.

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by ssxElise, Sep 20, 2016.

  1. ssxElise

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    I came out to my husband last weekend. :icon_bigg

    After years of questioning I accepted that I was gay last December. I came out to my sister but anything more seemed impossible.
    I´ve been struggling a lot this year. Self-hate. Guilt. Sick of lying. Not sleeping. Frustrated and stressed all the time. Angry. No energy for my kids (we´ve got three).
    For a long time I thought I could just ignore my feelings for women. I thought I could just go on with my straight marriage and pretend forever and ever.
    It´s not possible.
    It destroys you. It eats you from the inside out. I was starting to have panic attacks. Wishing I would die. No way out.

    I´ve had conversations with my husband about how our marriage is not working out but we always go back to the same routine. Work and taking care of kids.
    I couldn´t anymore. I mentally and physically couldn´t.

    I came out to him.

    He was shocked but took it well enough. Maybe even a bit relieved to find out the actual truth.
    After a long conversation we decided on staying at our house together (that we are re-doing btw...). Staying as friends, for now. We´ve always been good friends and I care for him very much. We both know that won´t go on forever but for now that´s good. He said he wanted me happy. I want him to be happy too. Things will change. But for now, this is what I want. Later an open marriage might be an option.. I don´t know..

    I´m out to him. It´s a start. And we´re going to figure things out together. He reacted in the best way possible. Leaving a 13 years marriage was/is terrifying. Leaving the security. Leaving the double income home. Leaving the life we´ve built.
    I´m not leaving it right now. But our whole situation has now changed.
    I know more feelings will emerge from him. Anger - sadness - stress and more. But I´m thinking one day at a time.

    I´m happy today.
     
  2. AnUnmatchedSock

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    Congratulations!
     
  3. killswitch0029

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  4. hexamum

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    Congratulations.

    I'm jealous!! :wink:

    You're where I need to be.
    I'm so pleased for you.
    Enjoy x
     
  5. ssxElise

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    Thank you guys!

    I´m lucky how everything turned out. It wasn´t an easy thing to do but I couldn´t go on faking/pretending/lying.

    I´m actually a bit excited about the next few months.
     
  6. I'm gay

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    So good to read this post! Congrats!

    :thewave:
     
  7. TravelerMe

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    Congrats!!!!!
     
  8. stretching

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    So happy for you! I've also been married for 13 years to a good man, but our relationship and my spirits are deteriorating in the same ways that you described. I haven't had the guts yet to say anything to him (and the way our communication is going lately it's getting more difficult). I'm glad your coming out went so well! Cheers to moving forward!
     
  9. prettypixie

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    Congrats to you! I'm bisexual and coming out was easy to mine. The process afterwards has been hard. Everyone is different and you will find your path.
     
  10. CameOutSwinging

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    Fantastic! You've taken a major step. Congrats!
     
  11. lilylivered

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    Congratulations. I came out to my husband of 20 years 18 months ago and, although I still have lots of issues to sort out, it was so good to have it out in the open. I had felt so many of the things you mention in your post - you are right, it destroys you from the inside out. Well done. It is a huge hurdle to have got over.
     
  12. Jerry36

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    Very proud...!
     
  13. ssxElise

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    Thank you thank you for all your support.

    I never thought I´d actually have the courage to do this, but I really didn´t have a choice anymore.

    This last week has been a good one. Although there is a lot still to sort out and get used to, it´s a good start.
     
  14. Needtocope

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    Hiya wow your life could be my life I came out today we share a house 3 children but like u I could not keep living the life xxxx I wanted to say hi and reading your story really could have been mine xxx
     
  15. GayPugs

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    Congrats! =D
     
  16. kypso

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    That's fantastic, well done to you!