I can't stop thinking that I'm ruining everyone's lives

WanderingMind Wrote

I identify with this thought. Although, in my case, it wasn't so much as an awakening as it was acceptance. I find that the attractions and desires I have for men are different than those I have for my wife. If anything, my desire for my wife has increased as I have started to explore the gay parts of my sexuality. This may seem counterintuitive. But, I think it is a function of being honest with my self and allowing myself to explore the depths of my sexuality.

NBD. I do agree with Wanderingmind that it is important to understand if you are bisexual or gay. Because, for some of us, there can be room for relationships with both sexes. And it can be great! The crux here is what you risk in getting to the point that you know this. Do you sit back and hope the answer presents itself or do you, and your husband too, take a leap of faith? I waited for 30 years for what I have now to happen before I had the nerve to just do it. So, I understand, completely, your dilemma.

 

Wow this is very sensible!!! When it's all good in bed and romance, everything's fine, and when we get problems, my desire for women intensifies, also for men but just 20 percent.
And yes, looking for someone may happen to any gender.

I'm afraid I might one day feel like NBD, right now I'm still holding on. At the end of the day it's our decisions that count. We just have to see to it that we have thought long and hard about our decisions, and not just out of impulse. (Really have to take this one into account, I tend to be immature at times. Sigh.)

Wish you the best NBD!

 

Hi nbd
I first want to ask you to do yourself a solid and stop calling yourself selfish. What you are feeling isn't selfish at all. It's human. You can't help the way you feel and you can't help the things that you didn't understand when you were younger. Things have changed between you and your husband and are about to change even more. You marry and stay married because you want to. Not because you should. Not because it's expected or because you feel guilty. Your husband sounds like a good man. He sounds like the poster for LGBT spouses you come out to and I understand how it makes it more difficult for you to break his heart because he clearly doesn't deserve that. But you need to understand that you deserve happiness and good things too. Realizing what you want in your life and what's been missing from it calls for you to make it happen. It doesn't call for you to punish yourself because you feel guilty for it. Your husband wants your old life back because he didn't realize that you weren't happy and that it wasn't a good thing for you. He also doesn't see what he himself is missing out of the situation. Everybody in this world deserves to feel loved and needed. Everybody deserves to feel sexy and attractive. And everybody deserves to feel needed. He deserves these things as much as everybody else. If you are attracted to something other than him, you're not doing him any favors by staying and not giving him the opportunity to learn the difference and what he's missing out on in life. Leaving seems like the worst thing to put him through right now but down the road when he finds somebody who makes him feel all these things I just described, he'll probably thank you for it and see that this was the best thing for both of you. Not to mention, you'll be teaching your children a valuable lesson about going after what you want/need/deserve. I wish you and your family all the best.