I can't stop thing about having sex with a guy. My thoughts seem to have their own control. I'm not trying to think about sex like this, it's just happens. The thoughts are non stop and get pornographic to a shocking level. These thoughts pop into my head all day long regardless of where I'm at, what I'm doing, or talking to. It gets worse cause I have a solid and clear physical reaction to these thoughts I desperately try to hide. I don't want people to think I'm a pervert or something. Is there something wrong with me? Do I need to get laid by a guy? Would that cure me or make me want more gay sex? Should I put a person add out for sex? My small town, I would have to be very discreet about it. Ugh.... What do I do so I don't ..... Ugh...
It certainly sounds like you have a curiosity that needs exploring. If your open to the idea of it, why not pursue it? You do not mention if your married or single, as what you decide to do certainly needs to take that into consideration - and others are better suited than myself to express their experiences. As well, there are discreet ways in which to "scratch" the itch, just also make sure you are safe and diligent in doing so.
Well, I don't live in Alabama, but I do live in a small town near a big one. You may be surprised at how many of "them" are right next door... In another thread, Chip had a cool diagnostic suggestion, asking if a person was more turned on when masturbating and thinking of men, versus women. Have you tried this? And yes, if you try it and like it, you're going to want more. It will only "cure" you, if the reality falls far short of the fantasy. And that might only be "symptomatic relief" at that. I'd suggest you learn about safe sex and STD's, and then go out there and try it. No one needs to know, other than the guy you hook up with. Then, you can decide what you think. It's all between you and you, nobody else in your social circle needs to know about your experiment. And the big issue for you might be that the thoughts are "shocking" or that you don't want to be a "pervert." This could take some work. I'm sure we can help you keep a positive attitude about yourself, if this becomes a problem. One reason these thoughts are bothering you so much is that you're trying to suppress and bottle them up. If you faced them a bit more directly, perhaps they would be a lot like the other secrets you have (we all have secrets).
MAX10 As I recall, you are single and living in a small town near Mobile and Pensacola. And, you feel you are gay? But, do not have any outlet to be around other gay men? Did I get this right? I am new at exploring my gay aspects of my personality. I am married and bi, but, I share with you a strong desire/need to be gay. So, consider these comments as a work in progress. For me, gay is multi-part. There is the sexual attraction and desire to be fulfilled. There is also the social aspect of needing to bond with other gay men in a non-sexual way. There is building an emotional connection with another man. And, there is the need to be part of the wider LGBT community. I need all of these. And, I cannot list them in order of importance. I am not sure I would be happy without exploring the full spectrum. You may find the same. Getting laid will probably not placate all of these, or even the sexual part. I am not saying don't do it. Quite the contrary. I highly recommend embracing and practicing your sexuality. I wouldn't jump in with both feet. But, that is just me. It is my feeling that you need to open yourself up to the broad spectrum of being gay.
Im the same as you. I have one guy I think of all the time. I became interested at first because I thought he was flirting with me. Then when I started flirting back, he sort of got 'weirded out' or something. But I think of this a lot, and am becoming more comfortable with the idea and am actively searching a partner. I dont think online is for me. I only met one actual person online, and we couldnt stand each other when we met, so I am looking for a short term partner in the usual ways, if there are 'usual ways'. Anyway, Im sort of straight but curious myself, although I did have a summer fling with a guy a long time ago. But now I have an itch again, and would like to try it again. I agree with above, no one needs to know if you do it. I do not regret the summer fling, and think about it often