Hello all, I feel like I've earned the right to graduate to "Coming out stories" from my previous home in "Coming out advice". I made the first leap. About a year ago I was sinking into depression and bordering on suicidal. I'd realised that I am bisexual - finally dropped the denial - and the enormity of what felt like a deep deep hole was really hitting home. I've been on a bumpy ride, and those who dipped into my original thread (https://forum.emptyclosets.com/index.php?threads/married-kids-bisexual-depressed.473046/ for those who are interested in the journey) will know that I hit some real lows. But yesterday I bit the bullet. I wasn't really ready, but my wife was starting to jump to her own conclusions about why I was drawing in on myself, so I went for it. I got all my thoughts down on paper. Partly because I was finding it hard to say what I was feeling, but also because I didn't want to miss any important information and leave her with any doubt about how happy and committed I am to our marriage. So I handed it over while she read it, and was shaking like a leaf. And the result? Nothing but pure support. I feel like a massive weight has been lifted. I know it could have gone in two very different directions, and it is still early days. But keeping quiet was only going to go in one direction, and that wasn't a good path. So it's done. I'm still shaking a day later, but for the first time in years I feel like I am *me* again. I'm free of my own mental prison.
It is easy for me to imagine how nerveracking that was. I'm glad it turned out well (and as these thing sometimes go, our worst fears are often unfounded). One thing I found after coming out to my spouse is that even though she was (and still is) supportive, she was feeling quite vulnerable. Part of that was from the shock (even though, deep down, it wasn't that surprising to her) but also from the misconceptions around bisexuality. Having regular (not scheduled, just frequent) checkins really helped put her mind at ease. And even though some of the questions seemed odd and nonsensical, answering seriously and honestly and respectfully was very important. I think our relationship hasn't been stronger, and we've grown ad individuals and as a couple because of my coming out. I wish you the best in this!
Thank you for sharing. And yes, I'm very conscious that this could cause her (needless) concerns and worries of her own. That was one of the dilemmas I was struggling with - the question over whether coming out was a selfish act, easing my mental struggles by causing new ones for her. I made sure I reassured her in the letter, as she read it and straight afterwards. I said that it's no different from liking blondes and brunettes. She doesn't expect me to cheat on her with a blonde, so she shouldn't expect me to cheat on her with a man. She accepted that. But I do know it could prey on her kind, so I will keep it in mind.
