I have not been on EC for quite some time, and my apologies as I would love to be a supporter of all of you because this family was my greatest support system when I was struggling with coming to terms with my bisexuality. An update: One of the last things I posted about on here was struggling with the tragedy my family is going through. The incident is all I think about, and it doesn't cripple me as it did a month ago. My therapist that helped me through this traumatic event has since left town and I am left once again without one. There are relief therapists in town, but they are here on a month to month basis. With a preliminary hearing coming up in a couple of weeks, and thanks to the support I have been getting, I am anxiously waiting to here what will come of it. As my thoughts and feelings are settling, the other issues that I have been facing as surfacing through again. Well, my thoughts went out the door when husband came for a bit. Anyway, I have been feeling wired up. Dealing with homophobic slurs from family, and knowing my ma in law does not approve of me, I feel alone. There is someone that I am interested in, and I love how the butterflies and gleeful jittery feeling comes when I see her. She is older, and I don't know her orientation. She did mention once that as adults, there are a lot of uncertainties that we have to deal with and sexual orientation is one of them. I don't run in to her often, and when I do, I don't know what to say other than the weather hahaha My goodness, I feel alive and yet I feel like a sinner. Homophobia is strong in my mum especially and I am confused. I am a christian, and believe in God as my saviour. I've prayed and prayed not to be attracted to women, and feel alive when I am with one. It has been years since I've had any physical contact with women because I chose not to. I want to be sure about the right one. I mean, is it so bad to want both - I have my husband and children, but I also want a relationship with a woman. How will that work? I don't know. But it doesn't hurt to long for that.
Yes, my husband knows that I am attracted to women. He was the one who initiated a threesome with a woman about 6 years ago.
I do talk to him, and he is understanding. We live in an isolated community of almost 3000 people and it's very homophobic here. EC is my only outlet right now