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I am really bad at making comebacks

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Vega222, Mar 2, 2020.

  1. Vega222

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    Hi all,

    I am 29 and it is considered that people around this age should get married here. So people bring up this subject here and there. Not often, But it is still annoying. And I don't say anything most of the times.

    Sometimes they talk about it among themselves in front of me or talk with me about it. They're not mocking me. They're just joking in a friendly way or talking about it seriously. It is annoying and I don't know what to do or say. Nightmarish.

    But sometimes someone mocks me and laugh at me by saying "What are you doing? He is dying (because he has no wife), So get him a wife sooner." Things like that. I don't know what to say and they continue. And it feels bad.
     
  2. Linning

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    Just say the truth '' I have no interest in getting married because I haven't found anyone I like and would much rather focus on my career/ other stuff right now. So please stop bothering me about it. ''
     
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  3. BiGemini87

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    What Linning said. Regardless of what they consider "typical" marriage age, it's not really up to them if/when you marry. I'm guessing it's not exactly the most open area in which to express your true orientation, either?

    Hopefully one simple rebuff will be enough to keep them off your case.
     
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  4. Ram90

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    It's totally understandable. I go through the same thing on a weekly basis with neighbors, friends, relatives and acquaintances. The problem is that society in Asia, among other places, is very nosy and the concept of personal space isn't prevalent. Everybody is up in everybody's businesses. And taunts are disguised as advice and concern. Since back-talking to elders is considered impolite, ignoring what they say or just nodding and moving on is the only thing we can do. Luckily, in my case, my parents (who were on my case about getting me married soon) have agreed to wait a year or two, while I figure out where I'm going to go and settle down. That gives me till at least 2022 before I have talk to them about "marriage" again. Ha ha.

    Just hang in there and try to ignore people till you can. I'm afraid that's all the advice I give. Is there any way you can get family on your side? It helps if they can spread the news that you aren't getting married anytime now and they're ok with it among family and friends so that you aren't the only one trying to fend off people asking the same question over and over again.
     
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  5. zuice

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    Here's a trick that I use. When I know I will be entering an area in which there may be "small talk" or bully questioning, I present my phone to ring at 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10 minutes. Sometimes, people want your time to devalue you. Setting the alarm reminds oneself to leave the area. You do not have to tell anyone what the ring is about-just stare at the phone as it rings to regain your composure and say, "I have to go."

    Also, this is most important. Do not be in a group in which you are repeatedly questioned about your lifestyle.

    To promote one's self concept, remind oneself that being loved and to love, is all that really matters.

    Good luck, and continue to know this site promotes inclusiveness.
     
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  6. Nelalvai

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    I like everyone else's advice, but I'm also a fan of the "make it boring to bring this up" tactic:

    someone: "blah blah marriage LOL"
    you: "huh. so how about that [subject change]?"
    someone: "u marry soon?"
    you: "I dunno. Did you hear about [subject change]?"
    someone: "U NEED WIFE NOW!"
    you: "Weird. How's it going with your [subject change]?"

    Requires more prep work to have subject changes ready, but that works well with my anxiety's wish of having every interaction scripted. I totally sympathize--I come from a long line of young parents, and I keep getting non-jokes about when I'm going to start supplying grandchildren. It's icky.
     
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