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I am confused ...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by loveunrequited, May 30, 2017.

?

What would you have done in this or similar situation?

  1. Move on, not worth it?

    9 vote(s)
    37.5%
  2. Continue to push for more?

    12 vote(s)
    50.0%
  3. Out him, for making you look stupid?

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  4. Inbox me, if answer not here

    3 vote(s)
    12.5%
  1. loveunrequited

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    STORY TIME! :dry:

    So I have known my good friend for almost 5-6 years now. We met in college, and we became really cool. He started talking to me first after one of our classes one semester.

    Initially, i was very apprehensive in getting close to him, being that I am bisexual and he is straight. My orientation was not something hidden to him. What made the dynamic weird is that I am this semi-nerdy Bi-sex male, being befriended by this thug straight male (rap sheet, selling drugs, gang affiliation etc). I thought nothing of our platonic connection but tried to keep in contact as often as I could where school was concerned with the occasional smoke session we would have. :eusa_whis

    Over the 5 or 6 years our communications was not continuous but he always seemed to find his way back when we had stopped talking for long periods of time. I just chucked it up to friends wold always be friends, no matter the situation or distance or lack of communication. He was not one for calling me on the phone he would always text. His texts would be sporadic at best, and sometimes spaced by a day or two. This was not a problem to me because i would always reach out, even when I saw that he did not. Our conversations (through texts) were linear most of the time, unless he asked about my love life or school but that was only prompted when I asked first (just for example). In person, he would be more chatty, prying about my sexual life (like the type of guys i like, the type of sex I have, my sexual role in the bedroom etc) which i found some discomfort in but allowed him to ask nonetheless. :icon_redf

    :rolle: Fast forward to a year ago because what i mentioned above continues for a few years well. One day he messages me at 2/3 a.m while he was out of town. Eventually he told me he is out in Timbuktu but wanted to be back home and had no transport. I told him it was no problem to pick him up, just shoot me your address which he did and i jumped in my car and headed out to where he was. In getting ready I made in joke with him where I said verbatim, "I hope I am getting some dick for driving all the way out there?". :icon_redf To this he replied, "sure why not". Now I am in shock :lol: because this dude is telling me now that he wants to have sex with me. At one point, he shoots me a dick pic, and I was like, "Thank you baby Jesus!" :eusa_clap

    Fast Forward to a few hours later and we are discussing dating. He is saying that he wants to take me out on a date and not just have meaningless sex, he wants to be exclusive, the whole works. I am definitely down because I told I have feelings for him and he seems to be as well. A few weeks passes, and we meet up one day and played with his dick to gauge his reaction. However as time waxes away, a few weeks passes and he wants to revert back to being straight, and us being friends again, and forget about the whole conversation. :eusa_naug

    So I am here, CONFUSED and at the same time falling for him. :shrug: :icon_conf

    Like, how in the hell?

    (Ideas, comments, concerns?)
     
  2. loveunrequited

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    Nobody?
     
  3. HerRainbow

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    Hi loveunrequited,

    I guess situations where feelings are involved can be difficult. It certainly seems as if he is now confused about how he feels. I think the best thing to do would be to ask him what he really wants and then you can make a decision based on that.
     
  4. Aberrance

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    Damn man that's a difficult situation. The communication is so sporadic between you you have to think whether a relationship would even work, or would it just be you trying your hardest to move it forward and just pulling him along? I say either talk to him about it seriously and ask him what he wants. If he says he wants to be 'straight' then try to move on but if he's willing to give you two a chance then don't take any shit from him. Stand on your own two feet and don't let him walk over you because it seems like this guy could cause some harm if he keeps acting like that and it's not worth putting yourself through that.

    Side note, don't know if the outing option was a joke or not but it's never cool to out someone else, not even if they're a massive douche.
     
  5. PotatoPotato

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    Quite simply, have a serious face to face talk about it, don't allow him to run away from it but don't force him to say stuff he doesn't want to say. Be open and calm in doing so and support him if he seems insecure, don't be too pushy, it's a fine balance between him needing to be honest to stop both of you from at end getting the backlash from the situation, forcing him too far or not trying hard enough to make sure it at least ends in mutual understanding.
     
  6. Humbly Me

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    What potatoes said is so true. And never out someone who/o their express permission, not even if you hate them. You don't know if it could quite literally end with them murdering someone, being abused, or committing suicide. I'm actually serious... I have seen people hang themselves because of this.
    Also anyone know why my comments show in way smaller font (at least to me) compared to other people? I know it's off topic.
     
    #6 Humbly Me, May 31, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: May 31, 2017
  7. jdrhys

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    Love, have you seen the movie "Moonlight" yet? 5-6 years is a good stretch of time, even though you're not in continuous communication. And you do refer to him as a "good friend," so in that way you ARE in a relationship with him...just not the type of relationship you're hoping for (yes?) eventually. So, 2 things:

    - I would continue to gently press for more info, and

    - Don't forget that this may be part of his coming out. As you know, when someone is coming out, he/she may well be confused, nervous and inconsistent.

    I'm not a full member yet, but I look forward to following your situation. Best Wishes!

    Oh, and do see "Moonlight" when you can! The basic situation is similar to yours.
     
  8. Humbly Me

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    Now you have me interested I'ma watch that... Lmao.
     
    #8 Humbly Me, Jun 1, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 1, 2017
  9. Maddox232003

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    Dammn. Thats a lucky situation. You could have like a friend for life that you both well... Love each other. Well but for me... I just know a friend last year since i just move to this new school but... Just become best friend with him recently like a month ago and i have feelings for him XD... Pretty savage right? Because always get cheated... So maybe you should continue try hard? But maybe is better to date another guy. But is your Choice though.
     
  10. loveunrequited

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    I mean, talking to him and trying to get a place on where he is mentally is a bit of a task. Who even knows if I would like the response? :dry:

    ---------- Post added 2nd Jun 2017 at 03:44 PM ----------

    First, yes that one was a joke.

    Secondly, I do not want to be the one pushing for more. If he is down, eventually he would tell me. If he is not, then that is cool as well. However, I just want to be the best friend that I could be for him, and maybe he would see that I try to be there for him.

    ---------- Post added 2nd Jun 2017 at 03:46 PM ----------

    He is a very reserved person I wold say. Hides behind this hard exterior or some jokes. So trying to have a serious conversation isn't impossible, but improbable.
     
  11. Humbly Me

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    Relieved to hear that outing thing was a joke. I would seriously recommend having a chat with him, if you are ok with being friends it is still important to make sure he addresses HIS emotions, as a good friend you owe him that much, and maybe he will see that he really does like you. It's entirely possible that he is struggling very heavily internally and would appreciate you helping him through it.
     
  12. loveunrequited

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    I actually have seen the movie, and I cried shit balls of tears at the outcome.

    I am not looking for a relationship per se because as I said he has been a good friend.

    Nonetheless, seeing where it could take us is definitely an option.

    ---------- Post added 2nd Jun 2017 at 03:54 PM ----------

    That's crazy that you said that. It is inconceivable for me to put into words how I look at him and I could see his hurt but don't know how to be there for him.
     
  13. loveunrequited

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    Hey Guys, it is a little over a year since this whole situation and nothing has changed. My best hopes for the future is to just be the friend that I could. He is possibly still finding himself and I do not want to be a driving force in a direction that he may not want to go in. Who knows, maybe later in life things would change. I would definitely keep you guys updated.
     
    Love4Ever likes this.
  14. Humbly Me

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    This thread necromancy XD.
    So sad it hasn't worked out for you, maybe someone else will come along, you never know.
     
  15. Love4Ever

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    I voted to keep trying because you sound like you really like him and he just sounds like a bi guy who is scared to admit he's not straight. You may very well be the first guy he has ever been into and this whole thing is probably just new and scary. Of course that is no excuse for him shutting you down like he did. That was wrong because it was inconsiderate of your feelings. But it sounds like you want to give him another chance so I think you should if you want to. Understand though that it may take him time and you may have to be patient with him at first.
     
    #15 Love4Ever, Jun 14, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2018