I am in my early 20s, in a long term relationship with a wonderful man, and I have realised over this past year that I am a lesbian. Looking back at my old posts here and the past 10 years, I was incredibly confused over my sexuality. I was extremely closed minded and didn't particularly believe I could be a lesbian. Over the last decade I have had attractions to both men and women, but in retrospect, my feelings towards women were always so much stronger. I have never been sexually attracted to men, and instead, I always wanted their attention and I wanted them to desire me, I have never looked at a man and found him sexually attractive. The thing is, I never even questioned this. I just presumed that all girls were the same. When me and my current boyfriend started to have sex, I used to tell myself that if his ex-girlfriend could have sex with him, then so could I. I never once thought this was a weird way of thinking. I forced and deluded myself into being straight. When I was about 14, I used to try and force myself to think about my sexuality, but something deep down would prevent me thinking about it any further. I think I knew deep down I was gay, but I was protecting myself. If only I figured it out sooner, things would be a lot easier. I came to the realisation because I fell head over heels with a coworker. The moment I saw her I was instantly drawn to her, she was so mesmerising and attractive. The way she walked, how she held herself, her mannerisms, her voice, everything. Whenever she would walk past me I would get incredibly nervous and shake, my voice would crack and I would feel faint. These physical reactions were also apparent with previous female crushes but I never let myself wonder why. I never felt this way for men, I was simply awkward around them. Whenever me and my work crush hang out, I feel at home, I feel warm, happy and content. I want to be around her all the time, to look in her eyes and listen to everything she has to say about the world. I want to soak up her beauty and intelligence and I want to take care of her and make her happy. When we hug I feel like I'm on fire, time stops for a few moments. She finally makes my life make so much sense. I am no longer confused when I'm around her. Every long song reminds me of her, the term 'making love' no longer makes me cringe, I understand it now. I have never felt like this about a man. The issue is that I am in a long-term relationship with a man. He is very insecure and lacks confidence. He doesn't trust me (I have never cheated), and he feels threatened by any men who are around me. I fear for his mental health if we were to split up. I do love him a lot, he is my best friend, but I am not in love with him, nor do I ever, or have I ever, found him sexually attractive. I really do fear that if I were to come out to him that he would do something stupid. I feel selfish. Likewise with my family, they are homophobic. They have always said they would accept me if I was gay, but proceed to make disgusting and rude comments about the LGBTQ+ community, such as laughing at them on the street, to saying they are akin to pedophiles and that they have a mental illness. I don't really care what they think anymore, I can't live my life for my controlling and homophobic family. But, I do worry deeply for my loving boyfriend. He deserves way better than me. Does anyone have any advice?