I don’t think I’ve ever, like never in my life, felt like this. When I say *this*, I mean complete, full, in precisely the path that feels right and natural and happy. I’m so happy. I don’t even know how to express it. So I suppose what I want to say is this really jumbled set of things, I can see all these different versions of me... like the little kid, the one who was abused, the kid before that who was a feisty little tomboy, who felt different and damn proud of it, the teenager who was lost, confused, afraid of sex, who needed to date boys because it felt safe, non-sexual, comfortable, the person who watched lesbian films and pined quietly and subconsciously for best friends, girls at school, the 18 year old who tried a little to come out of their shell, the 23 year old who really tried to come out, well to come *out*, the 28 year old who met a woman, and felt terrified and shell shocked by that woman’s advances and just ran and hid eventually, the person who wore long hair to please men, to mask them self, me as a married person, trying to understand the emptiness, the person who finally broke the chains, fell in love so goddamn deeply for a woman and allowed all that vulnerability to surface. I see all those versions of me, and I just want to go back to each one and give them all a hug and to say one day you will feel so happy with your life, and everything will make sense. Ok sorry for all the abstract, let me give you some updates... so, I’m just so happy with exactly where my life is right now, with all the decisions I’ve made and the things that have happened that have led me here, precisely right here. We’ve moved into our new house, my daughter and me. I LOVE it so much, I love our space, the fact that my life is basically me and her. And that the neighbourhood is centred totally on her; her school her friends, her routine. And her dad is right there. He’s a wonderful, but damn annoying dude, who is often judgmental and critical. But he’s also wonderful and loving. And he’s family. And we coparent really well together. And then he annoys me at some point and I just shrug it off, because it’s really the best situation anyone can ask for, he’s a great dad. Wonderful person, he really cares about me, he’s not easy to get along with sometimes, but who cares. I’m dating this woman that I started seeing in my birthday. She’s incredible. We see each other all the time, we’re honest and we talk about everything. We are on the same page with not being committed, with it being ok to see other people. At the moment I’m just *so* into her, but everything is so healthy, so clear, it’s beautiful and fun, she’s caring, she’s kind, she’s incredibly sexy, beautiful, and we’re having so much fun, we’re honest, we’ve cried together, we’ve shared some incredibly vulnerable stuff, I just don’t know how to express how right and perfect this is for me, and how muvj it feels like I don’t lose anything of *me* with this woman. And... well so this will sound harsh but... I am so glad I’m not with my ex girlfriend anymore. She’s a good person, I value her friendship, and what we had for the first 8 months was incredibly valuable to my growth. The last year of it, we’ll i learned stuff and I don’t regret that I experienced that, I accept that it happened and that my daughter was in it with me, what else can I do but accept it? Anyway, but I’m so glad that’s *over*, because I’ve got so much of life to live, and I want able to live and embrace joy or grow anymore with her. I like being on my own, being on my own path, i feel so good about that, it’s so wonderful. I just feel like... so much of my shame, my emptiness in the past, my pain, the chains of the closet, the difficult decisions, that darkness I’ve faced at points, I feel so grateful when I see that in contrast to those experiences, there’s also this. A life filled with fullness, realness, personal fulfilment, joy in my sexuality, fun and excitement with sex, with exploring, embracibg and feeling pride and enjoyment in my identity, a community, or more accurately, a family of loving and supportive friends, a loving family afar as well, a life that can feel good and secure for my daughter, and mainly just a sense that life can be full and wonderful. I’m really happy right now .