Growing up I didn’t have too many friends, and by 4th grade like none. I was never invited to birthday parties, never hung out with people after school, etc. I mean, never is a bit dramatic. I did have a friend I hung out with a few months when about 18. But still that’s it. Now, here I am in my 30’s and I still like the idea of friendships. Being close to someone... I mean I like to be social. Hang out, play games, dinner parties, etc. I’m cheesy. But I don’t have that kind of a social circle... I have a friend I message with a little daily now... But here’s the thing... lately I’ve been feeling super lonely. I want to have more interactions with people... dare I say I may even like to start dating instead of just the hookups I’ve been doing for the last four years. I’m just nervous about doing that. Since I’m feeling lonely. See I was talking with a guy every single day, like all day. This went on for a year and half... then something happened and I didn’t hear from him for a couple months. I text twice, sent an email, sent an insta, even sent a card cause I got worried! Finally I heard back from him and we slipped back into talking like regular for a couple weeks... now he’s disappeared again and it’s been months. I worry this has caused me to kinda spiral into a needy place and I hate needing people... he was the person I was most myself with, he knew everything... he was with me through some extremely difficult stuff I had to process. And his absences is so obvious... I’ve rambled about nothing. Sorry.