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Husband just come out as bi

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Crazy life, Sep 2, 2017.

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  1. Crazy life

    Crazy life
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    Hi, any advice appreciated. My husband of 20 plus years has just come out and admitted he is bi.
    It appears he has been unfaithful with men a couple of times. I'm crushed that he didn't feel he could have told me, and that he has cheated.
    Any advice on what to do next, I have no one to talk with to get advice.
    Thanks
     
    #1 Crazy life, Sep 2, 2017
  2. Creativemind

    Creativemind
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    I'm really sorry you're going through this right now. It depends on what you feel is best. Would this be a dealbreaker/divorce or would therapy be a better fit?
     
    #2 Creativemind, Sep 2, 2017
  3. Crazy life

    Crazy life
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    Hi
    I honestly don't know what I want to do. At the moment I'm angry,hurt and a thousand other emotions all at once. I want him to be happy and true to himself, but I can't talk to him at the moment. I have nothing to say, feel numb.
     
    #3 Crazy life, Sep 2, 2017
  4. Hexagon17

    Hexagon17
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    I can't imagine what you're feeling right now but I want to tell you this. Give yourself whatever time you need to be angry, sad, confused, etc. You don't need to talk to him until you're absolutely ready to. Then you can discuss with him the future of your relationship and whether you would want therapy or a divorce. After all, this isn't about sexuality. It's about a breach in trust. And whether you decide to forgive that breach is all up to you.
     
    #4 Hexagon17, Sep 3, 2017
    Love4Ever, Sandcar and azzi like this.
  5. Crazy life

    Crazy life
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    Hexagon
    Thanks for replying to me, it very kind Of you.
    i am on this site trying to get advice etc form people, as I couldn't talk to anyone from the family or friends. That would crush him. Although I'm hurting etc, i know it's not his fault that he is attracted to men. So to discuss with anyone within the family would destroy him.
    Thanks again
     
    #5 Crazy life, Sep 4, 2017
  6. andimon

    andimon
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    Just because he's bi doesn't give him the right to cheat on you. Which is why I believe you should treat this like a normal cheating situation. He doesn't get to "experiment" outside your marriage unless you guys agree to a break or something like that. I advise a lot of communication, but at the end of the day you decide whether you can trust him again or not.
     
    #6 andimon, Sep 4, 2017
  7. Crazy life

    Crazy life
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    andimon,
    I'm not trying to excuse him, I fully understand that him cheating is wrong wether with a man or women.
    I agree with you that he shouldn't be given a free pass to cheat because he's bi. I just feel that if he had cheated with a woman, I know I couldn't get over that. I don't know if I'm kidding myself by saying that it's somehow different because he is
    Clearly attracted to men. That's hard to accept but I kind of feel that is not so cut and dry now. He says he still loves me and wants to bewith me, I struggle with that because if he loves me he should have talked to me about how he was feeling before going off and experimenting.
    I'm totally confused , am I being a sucker? Taking him at his word that he does still love and want me. Not an easy time ahead I know that much.
     
    #7 Crazy life, Sep 4, 2017
  8. Pole star

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    I feel both of you should speak to a therapist. Your husband might be gay and may be saying he is bi for the time being until he is sure of himself. He maybe afraid he will lose you (so there is a better chance to keep things as they are if he is bi - so he reckons).
     
    #8 Pole star, Sep 4, 2017
  9. Crazy life

    Crazy life
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    Pole star,
    I actually believe this is the case, although he says no he likes both men and women, I think he's having trouble admitting all this to himself. I do feel sad for him, he clearly doesn't want to hurt me anymore than he has. I want him to be happy. This is all such a mess
     
    #9 Crazy life, Sep 4, 2017
  10. Zoe Izumi

    Zoe Izumi
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    I wouldn't discount him actually being bi either. It is possible, the best option, I think, would be to see a therapist who can help get a clear picture on things.
     
    #10 Zoe Izumi, Sep 4, 2017
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