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hug or handshake to start first date.

Discussion in 'Anonymous Support and Advice' started by Anonymous, Sep 10, 2013.

  1. Anonymous

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    Met someone online, been talking on phone and emailing for awhile. Meeting them in person for first time. What is the protocol greeting here hug or handshake? I'm a huger but I really caught someone off guard last time in this situation when they extended their hand for a handshake as I went for the simple hug. Was I out of line?
     
  2. Anonymous

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    One vote for handshake.
     
  3. Zaio

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    Another vote for handshake. Hugs are often awkward unless some level of intimacy has been reached, and that wont happen until you get to know each other in person. For that reason, handshake when you meet and a hug + kiss when you leave if it went well :slight_smile:
     
  4. Anonymous

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    It makes me think of the Sims. You have your Sim to try hug someone they just met and the person is like "what are you doing? no way!".
     
  5. Gallatin

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    This reminds me of something out of Seinfeld.

    [YOUTUBE]3zruVyvDWKs[/YOUTUBE]
    Alright, not exactly your situation, but still funny. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Anyways, I'd say handshake first, and depending on how things go, handshake or hug at the end.
     
  6. Owen

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    You don't have to hug if the person doesn't look receptive to a hug, but I'd be thrown off if someone shook my hand on a first date. That seems way too formal to me. But I guess I'm in the minority on that, so I'd say just look for what the other person goes for and mirror them.
     
  7. Mirko

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    Hi there! I agree with Owen that a handshake would be too formal for a date. A hug might be too forward on a first date, depending on how comfortable the other person feels about being hugged.
     
  8. Anonymous

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    What about something more casual? Like the upper arm pat sort of thing?

    Or go for the gusto, grab their butt. :lol: Okay, that might not go over so well...
     
  9. Anonymous

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    OP - how about if I just wave from 10 feet away so they can't touch me?

    okay, I'm probably too touchy, but I'm Italian. I'm male and get hugged and kissed by my uncle.

    I can see it coming now. I walk up and won't make any sudden movements and we'll both just stand there. That will be wonderful. Ha! I hate dating awkwardness. Does it get any better as we get older?
     
  10. Mirko

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    Well... first dates might or will always have a tad of awkwardness. That's just how they go. Being half Italian, I can definitely sympathize with you there. Hugs and kisses are pretty common. But I wouldn't compare the situation to being hugged by an uncle though. :slight_smile:

    It is okay to wave when you say goodbye. Sometimes though potential awkward situations are solved by just following what the other person does. Let him take the lead. If you see they want to hug you, give them a hug back.

    Other than that, just leave it at saying goodbye. :slight_smile:
     
  11. RainbowMan

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    Except we're talking about the beginning of the date here, not the end :slight_smile:

    I think that hugging someone that you're meeting for the first time would be a bit...weird. However, after the date, I'd go with the "handshake is too formal" crowd.
     
  12. Mirko

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    Oh deary me. :astonished:

    Well in that case, you can just say 'hi' without a hug or a handshake. Come to think of it, all dates I had started just with a 'hi'.
     
  13. Waffles

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    You can always go for the handshake into a bro-hug. It says "Hey, I can be casually formal". :3

    Or you can always let them make the first move. D:
     
  14. TheEdend

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    I love when people do this because I have seen too many times two people waiting for the other person to take the lead, then they both decide to take the lead at the same time, then its just double the awkwardness.

    My advice? Embrace the awkwardness! There is seriously no way to make a first date less awkward, so expect it and go with it. If you mess up or whatever then you guys will laugh, say that was awkward, and then proceed to better things.

    The other thing that you can do is to talk to him about it. You guys have talked already, so then talk a little about the first meeting. If you want tell him that you are a tad nervous or mention that you are a hugger and that you will probably want to say hi with a hug. Chances are he is just as nervous as you, and talking about it just makes it better in my experience.

    But enjoy yourself with whatever happens. If the hello is awkward then don't beat yourself, laugh, and move on :slight_smile:
     
  15. Anonymous

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    (I'm female)

    With my first date with a girl, we greeted each other with a hug, and as we parted ways, we hugged and I gave her a quick peck on the lips. She was caught off guard and it was a little awkward but we went on a second date shortly after, so I guess I didn't scare her off or something. I don't know if the "protocol" for guys is different but I'd also go with the shake-bro-hug to say hi and then if the date went well, you can always go for a hug. I agree that a simple handshake is too formal, and might be even more awkward than a bro-hug or full-on hug. Try talking to him about it and maybe ask what he'd be comfortable with. I bet he's probably sitting there pondering the same thing, you never know... I hope the date goes well and that there is minimal awkwardness. Good luck!
     
  16. scruffy_guy

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    definitely say feel it out, but I vote for going for the hug. since my partner and I opened up our relationship recently I've been on a few dates, and had the same dilemma you did, I went for a hug and they extended there hand for a handshake. depending on how their body language and general comfort level seemed to me, I usually went for the hug anyway, and felt like it was a good ice breaker. it's harder to feel awkward around someone who you've held in your arms. that's how I feel anyway.
     
  17. Anonymous

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    OP:

    I think I've decided on the wait and see method and not make the first gesture. Keep in mind that this isn't a blind date, I mean someone who I've been talking to on the phone and through emails every night for awhile. So of course I don't know them very well, but I have a little glimpse of their personality to get this far.

    Here's what I don't get. A hug at the beginning of the first date in person is so off-putting, yet sleeping with the person on the first date right after dinner is the hallmark of gay male dating and it's practically expected at least for the majority. ????
     
  18. Fellow

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    Culture is also related, in some cases it may be usual and acceptable to hug someone even if you don't know them at all, like it happens in Brazil, while in some other places, human contact is more restrict, for example in England.
     
  19. Anonymous

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    Definately go with the hug! Since you have both already talked online etc it wouldn't be like going on a blind date, or would it? As generic as this may sound, chances are that he is just as nervous as you. Spontaneous impressions lead to spontaneous relationships :grin:
    -ON THE OTHER HAND- Your shy personality might make him like you more. Now i'm not telling you to pretend to be shy but he might like to feel confident and brave towards you.

    Goodluck and we are here to help (!)
     
  20. Anonymous

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    I can't say I've been on a date, but my vote goes with handshake. I think a hug is maybe a little OTT on a first date, since it's the first time you're meeting face to face I reckon a warm, strong handshake is best. It's amicable but not slightly odd.