How?

Hi Kinley....Yeah...that's a concern. OK first suggestion. Sit down and write a letter to them....even if you never give it to them. That letter will help you so much to organize your thoughts, put things in a good order and leave out unnecessary junk. Go over it a few times (this sounds like an English assignment...at least once you can put those English Composition Class skills to good use!). Never just use the first draft. Next suggestion. Write down all the questions and comments that you think your parents may ask or say. Then work out a good, cool-headed response/answer for each...write those down too. Spend some time with all this information. Be prepared. Being able to sit down with your parents and have a serious discussion with them on a very serious topic will help a lot. You want them to take you seriously, so approach it that way. Next suggestion. Don't try to eliminate emotion...it won't happen. When you do come out to them, even if it is a very loving, low-key discussion with no anger or accusations, there will still be emotion on both sides. You are telling them that their daughter, their little girl who they held seconds after her birth is not who they thought she is. You've known that probably for quite some time...they haven't. What you are telling them is that person that was their daughter is gone and there is a different person in her place. That is very difficult...even for the very most loving and caring parents. So for their sake as well as yours, be prepared...not to argue..but to help them understand how you feel and that this is not just a phase...it's who you are and always have been. Don't expect instant acceptance. You may get it, but be prepared for them to need time to digest what you have said. They'll want to talk it over with each other...they will just need time. After all, how long have you been dealing with this? Just like you, it will take them some time to work through it all. You say they are religious...that can certainly make things more difficult. If religion, the Bible, etc. comes up do your best again to avoid any kind of any argument or counter to their thoughts on that topic. Ask them to think about it and offer to talk more about that part a little later. Above all try to make them believe that you are not rebelling against them, you are just trying to be who you really are. Help them to understand the strain and pressure that you are under trying to dealing with your sexuality (if you think you can use that word).

I am a parent...if I had a child come out to me, those are the things that would make the most impact on me. That kind of approach would make me want to listen seriously and let my child tell me how they feel. After that kind of a coming out experience I would want to do whatever I could to help. You see I have thought this through very carefully. I have never had one of my children come out to me....I had to come out to one of my children. My oldest son is a minister of a conservative Christian Church. In November 2016 I was facing a surgery with some significant odds of not surviving or if I did even higher odds of paralysis. I had to sit down with him and go over many things in case he had to take care of his mother. I decided that I would come out to him that night before the operation. If it went poorly the next day, I wanted my oldest son to know who his father really was. I did everything that I shared with you above. I was still absolute terrified. But I felt that I absolutely had to do it. I am so proud of him....it wasn't easy for him, but he accepted me as I am and we are closer now than ever before. It can work out...but give it the attention that it deserves. I hope you will stay with us here on empty closets and let us help you as you plan this out. Keep us posted...we want to here for you.
.....David

 

Hi again Kinley....Ok that info does help. It's just so happens that since I am one of those kinda rare gay Christians, I'm pretty familiar with everything that a lot of churches say about the LGBTQ community. Without getting into a lot of detail, I can tell you this...No where does the Bible condemn homosexuality as we know it today. That's because it simply did not exist when the Bible was written. At that time people engaging in same-sex relations were doing it for one of three reasons: 1) To humiliate an enemy, 2) As a form of idol worship, 3) Rich-upper class men used prostitutes (boy and girl) to avoid relations with their wives and just plain for the power and pleasure. The passages in both Old and New Testament have been severely twisted to justify a social idea...the translations are not correct. NOW... let me caution you...don't throw what I've just said in your parents face...and don't try it with a priest either! I have years of study and all the documentation to back it...you only have my word and they won't accept you telling them. What I wrote is mostly for you so you know that the Catholic Church and almost all Christian Churches are incorrect on this subject. The problem is that they have taught this doctrine for so long that to admit their error now makes them look like they don't know what they're doing....they will not admit to that. So basically use this info so that you can be confident that God does not condemn you. I think that using the "letter" approach can be a good thing. I'd also like to suggest that you be sure that the time is right when you choose to come out. If you are in any danger of being thrown out or having any kind of really bad things happen....please think about your safety first. One more question....what year in school are you...when do you graduate? That would be an important part of the coming out decision. Hey...have a great week!
.....David