This is something which I thought had gone away, cleared up a long time ago. It's almost schizophrenic. For 90% of my life, I am totally gay. I find women pretty to look at and love their company but have no sexual interest in them whatsoever. It's like the interest an artist has in form. Then there is the other ten percent. Or maybe less. It's hidden and emerges without warning, in an instant and can remain for five minutes, five days or five months. It's a time when the idea of sexual relations with another man makes me nauseous, I am totally straight and couldn't have it any other way. Then I can flip back again. In an instant. There are no grey areas in between. It isn't a gradual shift. I am totally one thing or the other, like two people. I realise that, most of the time, I'm gay. But this is hard for me to discuss right now because I am in the straight zone. But it has to be done.
This is interesting. You sound fluid to me. I get where you're coming from, and I think biphobia, or homophobia or even, yes, heterophobia can make us feel this way. That is, the push, pull, repulsion, attraction thing. Mine comes from self esteem issues and other things.
