wherever I'm around my friend who I know I want to be the first person I tell and it is the perfect moment to say it, I begin to feel like I haven't thought about it enough to tell her that I'm gay. But when I'm not around her, I can't think of the reasons why I wouldn't tell her. I'm so confused about why I can't just spit it out. Its as if I think there is a reason for me to not tell anyone but I haven't figured it out and I only want to figure it out when I'm about to tell someone. How to grow the balls to say it to the first person? How do you stay in the same mindset?