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How to make platonic gay friends?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by GreenTree, Nov 13, 2016.

  1. GreenTree

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    Hi all,

    I am only starting to come out more now to a few people who I feel I can trust and will accept me as I am. I have recently moved to a new city and have been lucky that I could make new friends and I am very happy about this.

    However, sometimes I feel like wanting to meet other gay people and having gay friends (just purely for friendship, I'm in a happy long-distance relationship with my boyfriend of 4+ years). I'm not exactly sure why I want this.
    And well, I'm not really sure how to go about finding gay friends except going to clubs but that's not my kind of thing and I somewhat feel like clubs would be a bit more for meeting people for romantic encounters... So I'm not really sure how to meet new gay friends who I can just chat with. Found EC and I hope to make some friends here :slight_smile:

    Do others have a similar feeling about wanting to specifically make gay friends although also having great friends already? Sometimes I feel a bit greedy as I already have really nice friends :icon_redf
     
  2. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Hi, and welcome!

    In general, gay clubs are not places to find platonic friends, so you're smart by staying away from them.

    It isn't always easy to have platonic gay friends. I hear a lot of stories of people seeking platonic friends and then are disappointed when a friend starts to hit on them. So one of the things I suggest is setting and maintaining clear boundaries from the outset, and continuing to maintain them as the friendship develops. This means, for example, you can hug, but you probably shouldn't cuddle. And inappropriate comments or flirtations or questionable touch should be gently addressed with a clear boundary-setting.

    I also suggest avoiding alcohol or other drugs in social settings with platonic friends, as it has a tendency to lower inhibitions and cause things to happen that otherwise might not.

    As far as where to find platonic gay friends, I don't know if Meetup.com is active in your country, but you could try there... there are often things like hiking or running clubs, game nights, movie nights, potlucks, and other things aimed at gay people seeking to build community. Or you could start a Meetup yourself.

    Please keep in touch and let us know what is or isn't working for you, and I hope you'll stay engaged with the EC community!
     
  3. GreenTree

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    Hey! Thanks for the suggestion, I'll give it a check :slight_smile:
     
  4. faustian1

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    I'm actually not that bad at making platonic gay friends, all things considered. To avoid the pitfalls Chip mentioned, focus on people who "aren't your type" (and I mean mutually speaking). Professional colleagues whom you know to be gay are one avenue to build these relationships. Also any community organization that "tends" to attract higher-than-average numbers of gay people are good places to meet and find common interests.

    Also, long-partnered gay people are pretty good friend candidates, too. In any case, if you just put yourself in places (other than those clubs and hookup places) where gay people participate, the chances will go way up.
     
  5. guitar

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    I echo Chip's advice to maintain clear boundaries, that's the key. I have several close platonic gay friends. Some were friends of friends, others I know through school, some we tried dating & we weren't really interested in dating but we hang out. In all of these there are clear boundaries. We know there's no fooling around and as such it becomes like a friendship I share with my straight male friends.
     
  6. GreenTree

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    Thanks! I'll keep the setting clear boundaries in mind.