1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How to make changes in my life?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Robishere, Apr 6, 2019.

  1. Robishere

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2016
    Messages:
    102
    Likes Received:
    52
    Location:
    U.S.A.
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    For the past few months I've been seeing this AMAZING psychologist at the local LGBT Center in my city. Easily one of the best choices I've ever made. He's really helped me pinpoint the source of my anxieties and taught me how to deal with each and every one of them which in turn has resulted in me becoming more comfortable with myself and I've been slowly developing the capacity to override my anxious thoughts as they come and go. I can already see I've come a long way, even though I've got a long road ahead of me.

    Now I'm just wondering how I can make the best of this anxiety relief... I know there's more (relief) to come but one thing I know for sure is preventing me from making any actual life changing advances is this crappy routine I can't seem to get myself out of. My days consist mostly of going to uni then straight back home. I'll meet up with my friends every now and then but not super often and none of them go to uni with me. I feel like an environment such as my university drains my social energy immediately which then makes me want to rush straight home after classes. I'd like to change this drastically but I don't know where or how to start? I wanna go to the gym, drawing classes, or maybe even dancing classes but the lack of motivation is an obstacle... plus the anxious thoughts that come with these new experiences don't help at all.

    I really wanna try all sorts of things but my brain shuts the excitement down before it's even there so I could really use some advice on how to get myself to stop being useless and try new things in life.
     
  2. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It sounds sort of simplistic, but from the perspective of Choice Theory (a respected, evidence-based psychological approach), all behavior is chosen and serves to fulfill one of our basic needs (fun and excitement; power and control; survival; love and belonging; freedom/autonomy). So one approach you can take is to look at how your "crappy routine" is currently serving your basic needs. My guess would be control... by doing the same thing each day, there's a level of stability there.

    So then, you could ask what control you are willing to give up in order to begin to fulfill the other needs. Take small steps... perhaps you could simply make the decision to go to the gym after class, no matter how tired you are. Maybe the first day you stay only 5 or 10 minutes; that's fine, because you're basically breaking the current pattern and establishing a new one. Or you could go for a 20 minute walk. Or you could go to the student center and strike up the most basic of conversations with someone (ask what they know about activities or something).

    The point is to start small, with something you can achieve, and then slowly build on it. This may sound like it will take forever, but generally it does not. The key is repetition, facing whatever fear or anxiety comes up about breaking out of the pattern, and using whatever coping skills your therapist has given you to handle those fears.

    Also, don't focus on 'excitement' quite yet; just go for "something different". That will feel less intimidating, and excitement can come a little later, as you get more comfortable stepping out of your comfort zone.