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How to know you're not overstepping boundaries by touching someone

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by love23cali, Sep 18, 2017.

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  1. love23cali

    love23cali
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    I don't touch and get in the personal bubble of women I'm interested in because I fear I'll make them uncomfortable. But I have a woman who touches me all the time (waist, hip, arms, lower back, etc) and doesn't hesitate... In fact, the other day she went "Mm mm" in a way to suggest she liked what she saw as she was approaching to pass behind me and she touched the side of my waist as she went.

    I want to touch her back and stand in her space... create that sexual tension... But I can't bring myself to do it! I don't know for sure how she feels about me... And I'm not usually a touchy person until we're involved and totally comfortable with each other.

    How do I know I'm not overstepping boundaries with the same sex? Just take the chance? If she's touching me, she must be open to me touching her, right?
     
    #1 love23cali, Sep 18, 2017
  2. Truna

    Truna
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    If she knows you're gay, go for it! She seems very eager to initiate :slight_smile:
     
    #2 Truna, Sep 18, 2017
  3. love23cali

    love23cali
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    I haven't outright admitted I'm bi but I flirt with her and she does seem to know. She is hot and cold - she has also sent indicators that might mean she wants me to back off.. so I don't know.
     
    #3 love23cali, Sep 18, 2017
  4. resu

    resu
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    I think that's kind of a double standard if she wants you to back off when she is the one who touches you a lot. Maybe you could be more explicit the next time she touches you in a more private area (waist/back) by saying something like "You know I'm bi, right?"
     
    #4 resu, Sep 19, 2017
  5. love23cali

    love23cali
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    Do you think that changes things? Is it unfair to let a woman continue touching you if she doesn't know you are into women and into her? A lot of women are touchy with friends because they know there isn't the danger of the recipient falling for them.

    They aren't usually as touchy with straight male friends for that reason - they don't want to give the wrong signals.

    If she suspects I'm into her, she might know that it means something more when I touch her... I don't know if it means anything when she touches me.

    ... I get the sense she knows. I can't tell if she wants me, if she likes the attention and idea of having me into her, or if she wants me to back off. I don't want to do anything that might not be welcomed.
     
    #5 love23cali, Sep 19, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2017
  6. Pole star

    Pole star
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    I don't think someone would touch you if they are not interested in you. Physical touch is a sign of intimacy especially in non-neutral areas like the waist. She enjoys touching you, she feels you enjoy her touch and likes your reaction to it.

    Maybe she is in the closet - hence giving you mixed signals.
     
    #6 Pole star, Sep 19, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2017
  7. resu

    resu
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    Remember you are only in control of your own behaviors, and it's okay to let someone else "get in your personal space" if you're comfortable. I do think coming out to her would let her know for sure you are going to be interpreting her touches as more than friendly gestures.
     
    #7 resu, Sep 20, 2017
  8. love23cali

    love23cali
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    Should I try to get in her personal space? Is her touching an invitation for me to touch her?
     
    #8 love23cali, Sep 21, 2017
  9. Seeker65

    Seeker65
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    Openeness is always the best way to go, however what exactly is you contact with her? Is it work? Is it friends? That might make a difference. If you can afford to lose contact than bring it out in the open and ask.....hey I'm in to you are you into me?...life is to short to dance around it unless that's the part you like....:wink:
     
    #9 Seeker65, Sep 21, 2017
  10. love23cali

    love23cali
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    I'm afraid of being used and being made a fool. I'm afraid that once I start touching her and giving her attention, she won't accept it.

    Even though she's done it all along.
     
    #10 love23cali, Sep 22, 2017
  11. resu

    resu
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    You won't know unless you ask, and if you don't ask, you basically have to decide on your own and see what happens. Remember, no one is a mind-reader.
     
    #11 resu, Sep 22, 2017
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