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How to get into the mindset

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by badger, Aug 30, 2015.

  1. badger

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    So, I'm at the point where I want to tell my parents. Although I know I'm at that point where the next people I want to tell are them, I can't imagine EVER saying it to them and it makes it hard for me to believe that I ever will. I'm not sure how to get into the mindset of trying to find a time or place to tell them. Does that mean I'm not actually ready to tell them? Or does that mean I should be looking for a way to get into that mindset? I'm extremely confused. I have only come out to one person so far (my best friend) and that was done because I had recently felt pressure to tell someone about my sexuality due to certain instances. However, now having come out to her, I feel satisfied and have not that much motivation to continue. I know I can and should and would be happier if I do, but at the same time am feeling fine at the moment about things. So how do I get myself driven again? How do I get the excitement to tell my parents the same way I was driven to tell me friend? Please help!
     
  2. mangotree

    Full Member

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  3. Nick1020

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I have only come out to my best friend face to face and it took several tries and some self-manipulation. I have found it easiest to either wrote a letter if it's someone important (parent or sibling etc.) or a short text for a less close friend. In my experience the less effort and though you put into it the easier it is. Saying words out loud and looking someone in the eye takes a lot more of a work-up than does writing a letter than does a short text. When I came out to my family via letter, it took me much longer to work up the courage to send it than it did to text my friends. Though that was partly due to the fact that my parents are somewhat conservative. Regardless, if you write a quick, "Hey, as my friends I'd like you to hear it from me first that I am gay." I sent that to a few different group chats with my friends from different friend groups. Everyone received it well, though some friends were a little too codling. Excuse my rambling, I hope this helped and best of luck.
     
  4. n3e

    n3e
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Once I knew that I was ready to come out to my parents, I mentally set a date for when I was going to do it. I knew otherwise that I would just keep putting it off. I don't know about your situation, but in my case, I was not living with them, and I knew that they would most likely be supportive. I mapped out bullet points in my head of what I wanted to say, and tried to think of responses to questions that I thought they might have beforehand. Things like: How long have you felt this way? and Are you sure? That way, I was able to direct the conversation, and keep it moving. You have as much time as you need to think about it, your parents will be reacting in the moment. What helped make me less nervous was lots of planning, and luckily it went well for me.