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how to find lipstick lesbians

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ceilo, Oct 18, 2013.

  1. ceilo

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    im bisexual and i prefer lisptick lesbians when it comes to girls. i'd never been in a relationship whether boy/girl. im still virgin. i don't know how to kiss. i am still at my closet and dont have any plan to come out. i came in to a country/culture where gay are more common due to the fact that girls like me are afraid to come out of our closets. butch lesbians are more common and i am not into butch lesbians. LOL. probably its difficult for us lipstick lesbians to find another lipstick lesbians. there are no such thing here in our country "lesbian bars" and i dont know where to find girly girls like me. i just want to try how to have a relationship with a lipstick lesbian.

    i beg you guys to help me where i can find them. i tried social networking sites but it didnt work.
    PS. i live in philippines :icon_bigg
     
    #1 ceilo, Oct 18, 2013
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2013
    LEZBOBIMBO likes this.
  2. mika07ella

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    Hi Ceilo!

    Guess what? You found one. Or rather I found you lol

    Anyway, I'm a closet femme and not into butch lesbians too. Well I'm not out but I've had a femme girlfriend once, in college. It's pretty easy to find one in an all girl school! Since then, haven't met any other lipsticks.

    Chat with you soon!

    xx
    Mika
     
  3. stocking

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    Wow your trying to find me well guess what i'm trying to find you lol
    we're in the same boat :icon_bigg
     
  4. sandshoes

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    Seems like you're finding us from all over the world! I'm one too, and I don't know how to find others. Luckily there's a club in my city that arranges gay nights like once a month or so and it's very popular. But still, I'm not sure I want to find someone on a night club/bar etc.

    It's hard! But I think you found the right forum. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Lipstick Leuger

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    I'm a Femme, not a Lipstick, but I feel your pain. People never notice us, because we are so feminine. In fact, I was recently told by a Drag Queen, that he never ONCE thought I was gay until I told him so. It frustrates me to no end. It's easier to spot Butches, because they are Butch, and everyone expects lesbians to have short hair, dress more boyish and love sports(stereotypes all), while we present like typical straight girls. This often leaves us trying to convince others, that we are indeed into women! It's frustration in itself.......

    The possitive side of this all is that you more assuredly HAVE met other Femme or Lipsticks, but probably thought they were straight.
     
  6. stocking

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    This makes me sad :tears:
     
  7. musicgirl18

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    Just out of curiosity, what's the difference between femmes and lipstick lesbians? I have never actually heard the term lipstick lesbian before, what does it mean? (I tend to lean more towards the butch end of the spectrum myself, physically)
     
  8. AudreyB

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    Hang out at the cosmetics store? :lol:

    Sorry, couldn't resist. Just a drive-by punning. Feel free to ignore.
     
  9. juliegt6

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    I did! I worked at one and our of over 40 people in cosmetics, I was the only lesbian!

    And femme lesbian invisibility is an issue sadly. There isn't an easy way for me to broadcast, hey, I really like women...

    On femme vs lipstick, if I remember right, lipstick is a loaded term. I recall hearing it used to describe a femme lesbian into other femmes only. I've heard it used in what I thought was a derogatory manner. I've always used femme because I always thought it described just my presentation.
     
  10. stocking

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    I've heard different versions of it but what i read when I asked the same question you ask is they are both the same thing femme and lipstick lesbian are the same then I heard femme is a feminine lesbian that like butches and lipstick is only like femmes and other lipsticks .
    Then I heard lipstick lesbian is a lesbian that wears make up all the time
    femme is feminine lesbian but doesn't wear make up all the time

    but I think the most accurate is they both mean the same thing and it has nothing to do with what their types of women their attracted to.
    I like the term lipstick lesbian because I like how it sounds and it was the first term I ever heard about a feminine lesbian .
     
  11. PinkCammelia90

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    The word 'femme' is French for 'woman' and generally refers to a woman who is feminine in their overall appearance and mannerisms.

    The term 'lipstick lesbian' traditionally means femme girls who are mainly attracted to other femme girls.

    ...Also in reference to this thread... Yup, right here. I'm attracted to all sorts of women, so I wouldn't say I have one particular 'type' but I prefer feminine-looking tomboyish girls (who incidentally wear lipstick hehe).

    I don't go for extremes though - I'm neither into crew cuts and yelling at rugby nor squealing over the latest pubic-topiary waxing job. Somewhere right of the centre, please :slight_smile: Think: Michelle Rodriguez or Mila Jovovich in a dress and combat boots *melts*.
     
  12. nikidion

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    I'm very feminine but I don't usually have problems with other gay women noticing me. You just have to stop hiding your sexuality. To be honest I am quite frustrated with all the feminine gay women who remain in closets, never mention being gay, never flirt with a woman, never ask women out, and then dare to complain that they're invisible, cannot find a girlfriend etc. It's your own fault, girls. You need to be more confident, more honest.
     
  13. Lipstick Leuger

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    Femmes date and partner with only Butches. Lipsticks date and partner with only other Lipsticks. Some people use the term interchangably, but they really are not the same. Lipstick became a term in the 90's, and is rather new. Something I have noticed is that Femmes often consider themselves a third gender, like if you ask them what they are they will say 'I am a Femme' without adding Lesbian as a further explanation. Lipsticks often will say 'I am a Lipstick Lesbian' or just 'a Lesbian'. They see themselves as Lesbians first and Lipstick second, whereas Femmes consider themselves Femmes first and Lesbians second, or not at all.

    Of course it is all rather a technical thing and people don't get to upset if you use the term Lipstick or Femme to mean both.
     
  14. Lipstick Leuger

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    I only wish this were the case. I am sure there are some women who are in closets, and you are right, they can't complain that no one knows they are gay. That is the idea of being in the closet after all. To those of us that are Femme and hang out in gay bars, flirt with women, or are accused of not being lesbians even though we swear we are.....your comments are very hurtful. By blaming them, you hide the reason for the problem. People expect lesbians to fit certain stereotypes and if you do not, you are not one. Maybe you live in an area where gay is more accepted and you can't get fired for being out on the job, or get beat up for flirting with a woman, or for holding her hand in public, but many ladies do not live in such areas, so being 100% honest is not an option to them. In this case, you really have no idea what it's like for those individuals that are forced to hide sometimes.

    I have been out for over a decade now, am out at work, and am honest with the fact I am married to a woman. I am STILL approached by people who are surprised that I am gay. When I say I am, they ask me if I am sure because I am 'too' girly. (I even have short hair!)When I first went to a Gay bar for Ladies night, I was accused by a few Butch lesbians of not being gay, because I didn't 'feel' like a lesbian. Even though I was dancing and flirting with some of the Lipstick girls, even though I told them I was.....but I was thought to be not gay because I was too feminine and was accused of being 'Bicurious' or 'Straight'.

    I suppose I should have started a rousing chant of "I'm Here, I'm Queer, get used to it!"....
     
  15. ChloeKiss

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    I find it hard to find them too.. I guess they just slip off your gaydar because they look straight. I'm the same for other people.. People assume i'm straight. I'm definitely not. I can't give you any advise sorry.. Just don't lose hope is all I can say! :slight_smile:
     
  16. nikidion

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    In a way, yes, you do have a point. I guess so at least, because I keep reading of this thing happening to feminine lesbians, but I have never had it happen to me.

    I've lived in all kinds of areas - extremely conservative (you're not going to find a gay character on tv, in a book in library etc.), somewhat average (you can be gay, just don't bring it up more often than once a year), and very liberal (London). And I do spend a lot of time in front of the mirror, majority of my straight friends aren't so much into makeup and clothes as I am. However, I have never had a single woman tell me ''you must be lying/confused''.

    So ultimately I do not buy that your sexuality is doubted because of how you look. Yes, with some obnoxious men and people over 50 it does happen, but with young gay/bi women? I think it has much more to do with how you act, how you treat other women etc., and not so much with the way you look. I don't want to write a memoir here but I've had women catch onto what's going on in scenarios where I couldn't even flirt or say much (customer service, and yes, my hormones were a bit raging at the time). I've got meaningful smiles and dates in the most unlikely settings, without me having to put my orientation or interest in any words at all. I simply cannot believe that people are so very much judged by their looks and are determined to slip under radars as soon as they put as skirt on, as some feminine looking lesbians would like to believe.
     
    #16 nikidion, Apr 12, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2014
  17. Ebro1122

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    Lipstick lesbians are the only kinds of lesbian shown in the media. Its what sells to horny straight men. As for me, I like ALL kinds of lesbians. Why limit yourself?
     
  18. Lipstick Leuger

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    Perhaps it's because I am going to be 45, that I fall into the time frame of other Lesbians my age not 'getting it', but I have been on many sites that other Femmes and Lipsticks complain about the same thing. I can't brush it off as we all are not being honest with ourselves, or out enough. Most likely it is a factor of the two things combined, not being out enough, and age. Or social mores. Whatever is normal where you grew up may not be normal in other places, what marks you as gay is not the same everywhere. I met a young man who came to visit from Australia once. He said it was SO hard to tell the gay guys from the straight ones here. He came up to me because he could tell I was a Lesbian, and asked for the nearest gay bar. LOL I have had many times, that other women pickup on me. It seems to happen the longer you are out and become known in the community, or maybe the longer you are out that you send the 'look' so other lesbians can identify it.(Perhaps it becomes second nature the longer you are out). I have no problem telling men that hit on me(which happens quite regularly, and often with my wife right there, also LOL)that I am gay. Usually the younger ones are fine with it but the older ones seem to think I am 'too girly' and 'are you sure you are lesbian?' type of thing.

    I also think the younger generations are more likely to be able to feel free to hit on women without fear, unlike the older generations, where it was considered enough to get your ass kicked if you hit on a straight girl on accident. It is much safer now to do so, more accepted and such so it does open up many more possiblilties that simply did not exist for my generation and those before me. My wife is 46 and she still has scars where her girlfriends brother kicked her ribs in for 'making his sister gay'. When she pressed charges, back in the 80's, the judge threw it out because " I would feel the need to defend my sister from someone determined to make her a lesbian also" Her side is all scared where he kicked her with steel toed boots. Nothing was done to the guy, who was 250 lbs and 6'4. He was found justified in his actions. So, this may also influence also how much 'gay' you project. I believe it is much more than one or two reasons, and I hope that it gets better for the younger generations. Otherwise what good did my pain do for the gay community?
     
  19. stocking

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    I hate being told by straight women and a bisexual woman that I don't look gay then they ask me if I'm confused and had cock yet .
    The internet is the best place for me to find a girlfriend
     
  20. girlsxrainbows

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    It's frustrating to deal with but I'd recommend rainbow pride gear, it helps!