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How to feel okay as me

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Cinnamoon, Nov 16, 2022.

  1. Cinnamoon

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    Hey,

    So some lovely members of staff, one in particular, has encouraged me to seek professional support with some of the feelings of anxiety and depression I've been going through lately. And I am. But I hope it's okay to make another post here in the meantime.

    I'm just wondering how I can feel more okay as me. Barely anyone messages me day to day. Barely anyone chases after me, or seems to want me. I'm a natural introvert, who's been reaching out and burning myself out lately trying to understand how to socialise better, meet more people, get better at social media and start dating etc. But really, I need to let myself be me. It just feels like if I do, and I stop trying to put myself out there, nothing will change.

    But I'm weird. I'm different. Even next to other anxious people, I feel off. I feel worse. I don't have an in person friendship group, I do have a handful of people I text who I'm lucky enough to be able to call friends, but with the exception of one or two we interact so minimally that they might as well not be in my life at all in the first place.

    I just feel broken and unlovable. Unwanted. I'm trying so hard to progress in work, in studying, as a person. But it's so slow and every lonely evening saps at my soul honestly. I love to chat too much, I get desperate and reach out too much, even just to friends. But really I'm an introvert. I just feel so fundamentally alone and like nobody will reach out to me if I don't make the effort, that I'm clumsily trying to forge and mantain friendships that maybe shouldn't exist in the first place. But I'm always so ready to talk when literally nobody else, understandably, is. And I hate it.

    But I feel like the alternative is to withdraw and surrender. Go back to me, be alone, spend my life in my room and working, with nothing in between. An empty and hollow existence that seems like the only one I'm suited for lately.

    I don't know how to be okay with this. I don't know how to change things anymore. I just want to feel wanted, but I know that's not healthy. It's just so hard to find meaning living just for me. I feel selfish because I don't really have many friends, like I'm a bad person. I don't know how to stop thinking like this. Or to start living. I know I need therapy too and I'm seeking that, but I also just need reassurance and advice and understanding to be honest.

    Because I'm okay, but I'm fundamentally dysfunctional and it gets to me.
     
    #1 Cinnamoon, Nov 16, 2022
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2022
  2. mnguy

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    Of course always post here. You seem very smart, kind and lovely chatting with people here so that sucks it's so hard to find that irl. I feel the same but only romantic attention I had was a few women so then I felt bad turning them down. I'm sorry your family/friends don't want to talk with you more or don't have time or whatever the reasons are. Maybe they aren't sensitive and don't want/need as much convo or they only like surface level stuff where you need to go deeper for your needs. That matches up with introverts often enjoying a few contacts they can talk openly, honestly and need to trust the person will never betray their word of confidence. Hang in there and if people don't like your chatting they'll have to tell you why.
     
    #2 mnguy, Nov 17, 2022
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2022
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  3. Mihael

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    Bruh, you're doing better than me

    I don't know, maybe hearing it from someone else will help somewhat: you're not a bad person. From what I see you're posting, you're nice and well-meaning, you want to be helpful to others, that's what it means to be a good person.

    For reasons above - you're not. Being a good person makes someone a good friend.

    But I wish I knew how to find that sort of connection IRL. Or to have someone who I could call on the phone or text. My therapist says it comes from bad past experiences, but it's as much as I can say for now.
     
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  4. Cinnamoon

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    Thank you, that really helps =) I'm an extroverted introvert I think. I prefer quiet, need time alone to recharge, and don't enjoy crowds or group activities or chats. But if I spend too long without talking to people on a deeper level I suppose, I start to go crazy, and it doesn't take long for it to happen.

    Aw no, hey I'm sorry you struggle in some ways too. Just because I do chat a bit, doesn't mean social stuff isn't entirely new to me and doesn't totally stress me out all the time. People are hard! Even the nice ones =P

    And thank you. I do try to help, I know how much I've leaned on others both online and offline in my life, so if I can offer any support on here or anywhere else to people I try to do that. I'm not the best at it, but I'm trying to learn.
     
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  5. FireFox

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    You're doing good, even though from inside the box it doesn't seem like it. Keep soldiering on :blush:
     
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  6. Cinnamoon

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