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How to deal with the, “you’re faking it” thoughts?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Omnopus, Apr 16, 2021.

  1. Omnopus

    Regular Member

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    Hi! I made earlier posts about being a demigirl. I now know I am genderfluid, but I have a question - how do y’all deal with that feeling of, “am I really genderfluid, or am I just faking it”? I have trouble with this a lot, especially right now. I’ve been on the male to non-binary spectrum for a mint now, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m actually trans. But then a part of me believes I’ve been cis all along. How do I deal with this?

    thank you!
     
    #1 Omnopus, Apr 16, 2021
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 16, 2021
  2. Katelyn93

    Regular Member

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    I thought I was super certain until my depression let up and I got into exercise and things went well, which made my therapist ask me if I couldn't then go on living like now being a man to the public and only living as a girl in private or at home or occasion. I think the idea that I had accepted myself and was now working to being me more often was what kept me positive because that upset me massively. It made me so uncertain and nearly dropped me in a depressive bout again, luckily I see that reaction as validating that I've got it right. I think it fluctuates for anyone now and again, but even then don't be too worried about the label, just find what makes you happy or comfortable.
     
    Omnopus and QuietPeace like this.
  3. kepler05

    kepler05 Guest

    I had a "am I faking it?" moment yesterday. It was my first appt with my new doctor in which I got a prescription for HRT. My heart was pounding so hard and I actually even had a high blood pressure reading (I've never had anything but normal blood pressure). I was borderline having a panic attack because I kept thinking, "am I trans enough to go on hormones?" which is ridiculous. But there are plenty of moments other than this extreme example in which I question whether I'm faking everything about my identity and just doing it for attention. I happen to know that isn't the case for me because I'm a socially anxious mess who hates drawing attention to myself, so I can write that off pretty easily. But try asking yourself this:

    Would you still feel like you were faking it if you were the only person in the world? Imagine if for a day everyone else ceased to exist and the only person you had to worry about was yourself. No one else's expectations or judgments. You can be whoever you want to be with no limitations. What would you look like? What would you wear? How would you act? What would you do?

    I find that the only times I feel like I'm faking it is when I let social expectations and pressures creep into my consciousness. I think being the most authentic version of yourself requires a lot of mental deprogramming of gender norms, and the "am I faking it?" response is just our brains resisting that change as we ease into it. But the best version of myself comes through when I let go and stop thinking about what I'm trying to be, and instead I just... be. There's no way to fake being yourself :slight_smile: