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How to come out to young kids as trans?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by songbird, Jul 2, 2014.

  1. songbird

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    I have cousins between the ages of 7 and 13, and I think if I explain that I'm transitioning from female to male and am actually a guy, they won't have a very hard time understanding.

    However, I have a niece who is 3 and a nephew who is 4. My nephew has never really cared about what gender I may or may not be and has never asked, but my niece has asked me several times in the past if I am a boy or girl. When she was still 2, I'd sometimes say I was neither or just a boy. She was also always asking, "do you have boobs?" I'd say "yes, but I don't like them." She was super confused, lol. Then again, I was confused too.

    A few weeks ago I showed up to babysit with a fresh haircut. Later she got up in my face we had a mini convo -
    Her: I don't like your hair.
    Me: hey, that's rude.
    Her: it looks like boy hair.
    Me: okay, but you still shouldn't be rude. That could hurt someone's feelings.
    Her: *looks at me, blinks, goes back to ice cream*

    On the way out, we were all saying goodbye. My nephew hugged me but my niece refused, and said again "you look like a boy." Someone would have said something but I thin key were all talking and didn't hear. Her behavior hadn't been the best that day and I was tired, so I just said "good. bye bye."

    My niece is very feminine and is the stereotypical diva drama queen girly girl, even at age 3. She almost seems mad that I don't look or act like a girl even though I have a "girl name" and "girl pronouns" (which aren't going to be around me too much longer, I hope). She really wants me to be a girl like her. I know she's confused, but I wish she was more laid back like her brother.
    It's hard for me to come out period, and I have no idea how to explain transsexualism to them and convince them to use a new name and pronouns. I know I have to make it very simple and be patient, but I have a strong feeling that my niece is going to be angry with me and refuse to listen to me.

    How can I make this easy for them?
     
  2. Wuggums47

    Wuggums47 Guest

    Wow, three years old and already policing peoples genders…
    I think that you'll just have to explain that some boys aren't born as boys, and you are one of those types of boys. They might not understand it exactly, but it's the best you can do.
     
  3. darkcomesoon

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Coming out to kids doesn't actually have to be that hard because you can really simplify it for them. Instead of having to explain what it means to be trans, and all that stuff you often have to do with older kids and with adults, you can just tell them "I'm a girl on the outside but I'm a boy on the inside" and that that means you really are a boy, because it's what's on the inside that matters. It may not be the perfect way to explain what being trans means, but it's really all a young kid needs to know.
     
  4. Nychthemeron

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    I have to agree with this.

    However, I need to warn you that some kids will run their mouth off, and if you feel as if these kids will out you to people you don't want to be outed to or will mention you to someone who will get angry at you for telling them, be careful.
     
  5. PlantSoul

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    If the parents are okay with it, I would explain it with a simplistic yet, clear definition.
     
  6. stormborn

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    i'm in the same boat with the kids i take care of. the little girl (she's 4) constantly says "you're a girl even though you have short hair" or "you look like a boy except you're a girl", etc. i'm like, i get it! :lol:

    thankfully, it's easy to explain new things to little kids, because they're constantly learning and having things explained to them anyways. i would count on them outing you, though. little kids have no censor, bless their little hearts. and pronouns will likely take them longer to get right.
     
  7. Nick07

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    Hmm, what a nice little lady lol.
    From a parent's perspective: don't let her know that she has the upper hand. That her acceptance matters so much to you, that you will be unhappy if she is not.
    Tell her for example that you feel happier and much more comfortable this way and you are not going to change back. Because there will always be someone who won't like something about you, but your own feelings are what really counts.
    Perhaps check with her parents first and keep in mind she will tell the news to your neighbors and total strangers too.

    One more thing... she can feel threatened - you are destroying a stereotype for her. Make sure she knows she can be as girly as she wants and that's ok too