Hello, all. I went to go see a therapist yesterday about my anxiety and depression, and I mentioned my gender dysphoria. Turns out she also specializes in transgender people! I asked her to call me by my male name and pronouns, and every time she called me Spencer, it felt so good. I told her that I had been self-harming to deal with my dysphoria, and she suggested that I start binding. It's been something that I've wanted to do for a while now, but the problem is, people notice when you bind, so I have to come out to my family first. I was thinking of telling them that I was just questioning my gender, but I'm not sure if I want to do that because I would have to come out again as FtM before too long. My parents are both religious, and my dad is okay with me liking girls, but my mom isn't. I think that they won't take it well, and when I tell them that I want to transition, I think they'll say something like they don't want me to change the body that God gave me. So I was just wondering when and how I should do this. I know that I have to start binding soon; I can hardly deal with my dysphoria anymore. I was thinking of just telling my dad, and not binding when I'm with my mom (my parents are divorced). I'm probably overthinking this, but any advice would help. Thanks for reading.
It's great that your therapist is supportive. My advice is to take it one thing at a time, and with support, if possible. It would be good if you could come out to your parents (together or separately) with your therapist, as she will be able to stand in for you if you are unsure of what to say—which unfortunately may happen a lot, as it will be a stressful time for you. If you must do it by yourself, or you prefer to, then I still think it's a good idea to take it slow. Do not suggest physical transitioning yet. In the future, this is an important topic. But now, you don't know how they will react, and if they are not used to the idea, suggesting physical transition will do you no favours and will probably make them say what you fear they will say. However, if you mention that you just want to bind, they may be more receptive to that idea. After all, it's not physically changing your body. If they're totally against the idea, it'll probably be because they believe binding will "encourage" something they don't support. Because of this, it is probably important to tell them how it makes you feel. Tell them that it will help you very, very much. They obviously care about you if they support you going to therapy, so if you let them know that this won't hurt you in the long run, they may change their mind too. Another alternative is to just lie. Tell them you want to buy a binder because you want to cosplay. This might not work out if you were vocal about a hatred of cosplay though, if that's something you've been doing. If worse comes to worst (or whatever that expression is?) I encourage you never to give up. Keep trying. Be persistent. My parents were not religious and they said the same thing: "you should be happy with the body you were given." Still, after I kept mentioning the idea, they began to warm up to it. Not quite all the way, but better than if I had just mentioned it once and never brought it up again. One last advice. Understand why your parents are so against it, and then explain to them why they're mistaken. You know them better than anyone else. You will find a way.
It's awesome your therapist is supportive! In all coming out cases, if you're worried you might not be safe, you shouldn't come out. Better safe than sorry, right? But maybe since your dad supports you liking girls, you could come out to him first?
1. I love the name Spencer omg 2. one of my best friends is FtM and his parents don't accept it. He had super bad anxiety about his parents for a while, but then he basically said "f**k it" and cut his hair. He already dressed like a dude and had been binding for a while. He now basically now says "I'm living my life as a boy and people that don't like it can go f**k themselves." (he uses a lot of profanity). Both of his parents are pretty religious and they seem to be okay with him liking girls. So my suggestion is to live your life as who you are. Be the man you are Spencer. I was ashamed of being a lesbian for so long and looking back, I wish I wasn't. It's not a choice. It's who you are. Don't fight it my dude
Hi Spencer I can not say that I have ever been in such a situation and don't really know anyone who has. I have a friends who's parents aren't supportive of him being gay, I suppose that that's the closest to what you're going through that I have had direct experience with. It is a great struggle for sure to not be able to be who you are when you're with your family. But it is a step you need to take...I think telling your dad first is a great idea. Just be direct about it. Tell him what you feel like. And he's your father and I'm sure he loves you. I'm not a religious person...but real religion teaches kindness and respect...so I'm sure you'll be fine! Send you some strength man!
