How to be OK with things that aren't masculine

Seriously, I need some help. I KNOW it's OK to not be super masculine as a man. But I can't shift the beliefs I have in my head that says it's not OK.

 

For me, the problem was not that I was so insecure in my identity that I automatically thought that anything feminine was bad. As I became more comfortable with myself, this faded a lot. So, you may need to work on understand yourself and your identity better, and then things will fall into place.

 

Thanks. It does feel like anything feminine about me is bad, and anything masculine is OK, even the stuff I don't really like that much. It feels better for it to be masculine than feminine, even if really, I prefer something half way. For physical features, take body hair for instance. I can't shave my legs anymore. It makes me too dysphoric. However, I don't really like them as hairy as they are. I feel like once I go on t and gain more muscle in my legs, I might prefer to shave again. Is that wrong? Also, I feel like I can't enjoy cooking anymore but once I get more comfortable with my gender, perhaps I might like it again because it won't make me feel insecure about my gender.

 

I think it's a learning process, something I still need to work on myself. It's not that I don't hate anything feminine, it's just checking myself on things and reminding myself it's okay to not be a total cookie cutter.

 

Just remember that all those gender roles are only societal constructs and do not define "man" or "woman". Fuck society and what they think a man should do. Do what you want because you are a person and you have the right to.

Me and my brother-from-another-mother are both crossdressers. We wear makeup and love fashion and enjoy things that aren't stereotypically "masculine".
I personally shave my body hair.. And wear my head hair long.
I think you are probably more manly than us so rest assured haha

However I can understand avoiding feminine things.
I became sexist towards women for a while and I am still working at it. I didn't care about the outside looking feminine, it was the inside. Acting feminine was my worry.

Now I just don't give a fuck.

 

Yeah it's both the inside and the outside. I get anxious about being seen doing stuff that's not masculine. I was considering volunteering at an animal shelter earlier, then I got all dysphoric and thought shit, that's unmanly. I like animals but I'm uncomfortable with it because of my gender identity. I feel like I should be doing something else like fixing cars or building houses.

 

I'm with NingyoBroken here, fuck society. Gender roles are made up, they are learnt, none are born with them.
But as many other mtf I understand your worry, we struggle to pass as male, trying to avoid all feminine things to be as truthworhty as possible.

If you have some what you consider feminine traits and hobbies, that you like about yourself. Please don't push it away just because it's feminine, trying to deny a part of yourself will make you as much sad as dysphoric. At least that's my experience.

As others have already told you, try to just be yourself, whatever that means. That will make you most happy in the long run.
I know it's hard but please try! I'd love to personally help if you want to as well.

 

The problem is the things that I still like that aren't masculine don't feel like a true refection of who I am anymore. I've lost them and that makes me sad, because I know there is nothing wrong with liking animals, playing classical music and painting as a man. But they just don't feel right. They make me dysphoric.

 

You have to try and rewrite your brain's idea of gender roles. What about seeing other males doing things you like?
Go to a painting course and take note of other men, or try and notice men working with animals, there's a lot.
Actually I can't see how any of these things would be femine.

 

I know. I think maybe I need to get a balance of things masculine and feminine I like doing, because then I will still feel secure in my masculine identity and can do feminine things too. I was just thinking, if I had a very masculine job then I would feel less anxious and dysphoric about liking animals or music.

 

That sounds like a good plan. The only one who know what works best for you is you. Good luck!

 

Thanks. I'm trying my best to distance myself from gender stereotypes and just think, who am I without all that stuff. I think I am masculine in the way I approach things, but I need to feel sure that I'm expressing a masculine energy because that's who I am and not because I am trying to prove something to others and myself.

 

From my experience, the most masculine thing you do for yourself is confidence. Expressing the masculine energy as you put it yourself, in a confident matter.
Being anxious might people think twice, as for being confident people won't have to.
...I don't know if it this makes sense or if it's something only my own brain understands.

 

Thank you. I am working on it. But I also want to accept that being a man can also mean being vulnerable.

 

Yes, of course! Never hide emotions in a act to seem more though or manly. I just meant confidence can make you seem more masculine for example on the street. It show in your aura, steps etc.

 

I volunteer at an animal shelter, and there's other guys there. I know how you feel though, I get like that too. I agree you probably need to be more secure with your identity, I have the same problem, I get anxiety about liking feminine things or doing anything remotely feminine.

 

You know, this makes me think a lot about "What About Bob?" Not so much in the funny sense, but because there was an idea that the movie played with that is valid in therapy: baby steps. If anything, try to not be frustrated that you can't just go "poof" and present the way you want to, or be the person in public that you know you are privately. Sometimes, it is good to just take things one step at a time. You seem to have a lot of concerns here, and so maybe what I'd do in your situation is take one thing and tackle it. Pick one thing, and once you are happy with the outcome, move onto the next. It will take time, but it is probably the easiest way to tackle anxieties.

And honestly, it does help me with mine, so it might work for you too.

 

same. But especially like if, say a friend is painting her nails, then it makes me really uncomfable if I do too. But if it was a guy, then Id feel fine about it. But even stuff like if I'm a sitting next to a girl at school and she decides to use a pencil to write with, then I have to use a pen instead. It's like I'm so paranoid about doing "girl things" it just gets ridiculous.

 

I just had to share this with you, guys.
Call me witch and burn me if you like... But I wouldn't mind to learn from him.

Tough Yet Tender | Life With Cats

 

Thanks for sharing. I'm actually having a real problem at the moment. All of the things I used to enjoy make me severely dysphoric and I don't get any enjoyment from them anymore. I just feel....meh. The only thing I get something out of is acting as masculine as possible. But even then it's not enjoyment, it's more along the lines of reassurance and validation. Shunning things that are remotely feminine has led to me being in complete denial of my past and has pushed everyone and everything away I ever cared about. I just don't know what to do.