How old were you the first time you had anal sex?

15, although I've never recieved.

 

your not a loser for not having anal sex thats stupid way of thinking, you need to wait for the right person and you know this and you wont be alone for 10 years you just need to get out there and meet people., yes its very difficult as you meet people they tend to want to hookup but if you can say no to that you can worm them out and find a good guy for you

i dont know what the scene there is but im sure there is. im sure someone else has got better advice than me lol.... so que them

 

Consensually, never.

Otherwise, I was 20 and it was the worst experience of my life! I don't agree with any form of sex outside of a relationship (so hardly fit in at university, lol).

You really shouldn't feel ashamed. Apart from being perfectly normal[!] I think it's quite a good thing, as you say And believe me, a lot can happen in 10 years...

 

I think I was either 20 or 21 the first time I had anal sex. It was pretty awesome; apparently that makes me lucky.

I think "virginity" is a really stupid concept that fucks up a lot of otherwise sensible people, as does the notion that we should all be waiting for some kind of perfect person to be in a committed relationship with. If you're into someone and they're into you, then go for it. If that turns into a relationship, cool. If it doesn't, well you both had fun. The notion that sex has to be/always is this huge meaningful thing with enormous repercussions is just dumb.

 

None of the above. Still a virgin on the anal department haha xD
Hoping for this year tho! so maybe 19? woot!

 

i think i was 14/15, but dont worry it was with a guy same age as me and it was really good x
it was really romantic cos we managed to wangle our own room on a school trip to Naples haha! we never left the room x

 

It hurts.

 

I still have yet to engage in anal sex.

 

But it's the most intimate thing we have! The fact that my first properly intimate experience was against my will is always going to warp me I think. I would much rather that that was a conscious decision I made with someone I love: it's the most personal thing I can properly share, and I feel like I've been prostituted, given away, dehumanised. It's rubbish!

 

Well first off, sexual assault is sexual assault and doesn't have any overall connection to one's first time. I'm sure it was horrible for you, and I'm sure it would be horrible for anyone, whether it was their first time or their 1000th.

But I disagree that anal sex--or sex in general--is the "most intimate thing we have." It is an intimate thing, sure. But what about all the people who don't like anal sex, or all the people who might like fucking but not getting fucked? Or people who haven't had sex? Or don't want sex? Are they simply denying themselves "full" intimacy? I think they might disagree.

There are lots of moments I've shared in my life that were a lot more intimate than any of the anal sex I've had. And I've had some decent anal sex (from comparing notes with others). The notion that one particular physical activity is the apogee of intimacy is pretty limiting, if you ask me. Treating anal sex as if it's somehow more important or "better" than any other sexual activity is the same as privileging one's first time as somehow more important or "better" than all the other sexual experiences one might have over the course of one's life--misguided.

 

I too am in the virgin department...

 

I wish I never tried anal sex. Now idk whether im a virgin or not. XD

Like, we were gonna fuck but didnt have time so didnt REALLY fuck...

 

I was 17

 

oh chip :eusa_doh: ... can i get a face palm ...

bless (*hug*) haha

 

Except that's my whole point, which you argue effectively below: treating something physical as inherently intimate, as the most intimate, is misleading. A physical act, on its own, is not inherently intimate; there needs to be some kind of emotion going on.

"Sharing an intimate sexual experience..." So apparently it's impossible for a sexual experience NOT to be intimate--at least, as you infer, among "healthy" people? (This is leaving aside the question of whether an inexperienced relatively young person--i.e. who we're talking about, generally--can be presumed to be in touch with themselves emotionally in the way you're implying they are. A lot of people I know would likely admit they aren't as in touch with themselves emotionally as they would like to be.)

And normally I wouldn't think this needed to be said but apparently it does: a lot of people disagreeing with someone's point doesn't necessarily invalidate that point. See "being gay is fine" or "gay marriage should be legalized in the US."

I think a less loaded way of saying it is that many "see a value in making their first time experience meaningful." Saying "see the value" presumes there is one.

It's considered a rite of passage because we construct it as a rite of passage, and in doing so we burden it (and people going through it) with a shitload of mainly unnecessary baggage. We basically say to people who don't have a lovely, "meaningful" first time (which I would argue is most people) that they were robbed or that they did something wrong or that they missed out on something they can never have back. And the fact it's made into such a big deal puts enormous pressure on people to make their "first time" special... which ironically makes it that much more difficult for the first time to be special.

And just to curtail any speculation, my first time was pretty awesome and the last time I had a casual hook-up was about 9 years ago. And yes, I've had (intimate) sex (and a boyfriend even) since that time. :lol:

Misguided... hmm, do you mean misguided like implying that someone who doesn't consider sex as always already intimate isn't in touch with themselves emotionally?

And perhaps this wasn't clear (and if it wasn't, I apologise) but I wasn't judging another person's decision to be thoughtful about a first experience as misguided. I was judging the default, uninformed, unconscious acceptance and promotion of the idea that someone's first experience had to be/was inherently more important than all their likely many other sexual experiences as misguided. And similarly, I was suggesting the blind acceptance that anal sex is somehow more intimate or meaningful than any other type of sex was misguided. As usual, my frustration is with people just uncritcally accepting the endlessly lauded and unquestioningly promulgated status quo without ever once considering why things are the way they are--and whether there are better (or at least different) ways to look at the world.

 

This is what I wanted to highlight, because I also noticed what Joey pointed out. For future reference, when you engage in the very thing you're protesting against, it doesn't add much credence to your points. Furthermore, in saying that "Sharing an intimate sexual experience with someone is special to most people...," what number are you using for "most?" It could be that you have just by chance encountered those out there who do feel that sharing a sexual experience with someone they care about is important. But saying that "most" share this view is, well, overgeneralizing at best. You also say, "...I think it's fine for any individual to make that choice for themselves...," but much of what you said preceding this implies that you would also view them as not being emotionally sound if they didn't choose to make their first time special in addition to thinking that it's fine that they choose for themselves (which is what I got from it, feel free to let me know if that wasn't your intended meaning).

The reason I say all this is because I think similar logic can be seen behind calling women who enjoy sex sluts. If a woman enjoys sex and has sex with many partners instead of picking select few to have meaningful intimate encounters with, she's a slut. And because women are supposed to be the "emotional" ones and in touch with their emotions, if they don't choose this path for their sexual lives then clearly they must have emotional problems and aren't in touch with themselves emotionally as well as they "should" be. I don't know about anyone else, but it's too easy for me to see the parallels between this paradigm and it being extrapolated to try and say that all people should have sexual lives where they choose to make their first (and I'm sure there are some out there who would argue every) time a meaningful one.

 

Hmmm .. somewhere in the future

 

Way to get the point across. :lol: