How often would you masturbate

See, I think I'm somewhat (if not indeed a lot) phobic / obsessional / excessive about cleanliness. And not that it's dirty, but if I were to masturbate in bed, and nothing went on the bedding, I'd still have to clean up, then wash my hands and even then I'd consider my bedding potentially contaminated. Isn't this crazy of me? No, I'd not change my bedding in that situation because I know that I am being phobic, obsessional and excessive about cleanliness in that situation.

 

I've seen several people here talking a about feelings of guilt after masturbating. I do think it might be connected with a religious upbringing which is my case. However, I don't feel dirty after having sex with my girlfriend, even though most religions that condemn masturbation also condemn premarital sex. I still feel a little ashamed after masturbating, even though I left my old religion a long time ago.

What I mean is that the feelings of guilt or shame associated with masturbation might also be connected to something else besides a religious upbringing. Maybe, is it that the lonely and completely self-centered act of satisfying one's sex is shameful itself because a part of our brain knows that it's not "real"? Maybe, our brains value most sex when it's done with another person? I don't know.

 

Honestly, everyone has their preferences or sometimes I perfer to call them my afflictions. I won’t drink out of the same glass twice nor will I ever share a glass or drink from someone else’s glass. But I don’t mind French kissing (only kissed women) or doing oral (only done this with a woman). My therapist has been working with me to slowly confront my phobias, but believe me, it’s not easy. So far I have been able to eat in a restaurant alone (one of my fears) use a public restroom (this one is ongoing but improving). There are lots of reasons why we are who we are and I’d never judge someone for how they feel. Im trying to change some of my less rational phobias, but I totally understand how tough it is for others. I just try to do a little at a time. You’re not alone!!!

 

Lalaith, I see what you are saying. I think the religious beliefs have bled into cultural and societal beliefs - and probably it goes the other way, too.
But do you think about men at all sexually? I do and have done. I have felt and still feel somewhat bad about this, too, as well as masturbation.

Your idea that perhaps something else in us prefers sex with another person rather than us masturbating alone may well be a factor besides religious, cultural, societal beliefs. I'd like to know what Chip thinks about this because that basically would create / produce cognitive dissonance if masturbation is good for our health and we do it, won't it?

And then again, if our brain finds masturbation to be a lonely, selfish, shameful act then wouldn't that come from beliefs in it from religion, society and culture - i.e, in its beliefs. You are, though, intriguingly suggesting an innate drive independent of / in addition to that... Hmmm, it makes sense to me what you are saying. But I don't know whether it is or isn't so.

 

No, I don't do any special washing up.

The only time I was bothered with cleanup was when I was a teenager. I hated semen. I can't say exactly why, although part of it was a fear that if I weren't careful it could somehow survive outside my body, and possibly result in an unplanned pregnancy if a female somehow came in contact. I touch a light switch with a contaminated hand, and a female touches that light switch, and then her vagina, and I might become a father! This is crazy, but it was a fear. Plus, I suspect that there was something past that which made the mess seem disgusting.

In any case, for a period, I'd masturbate with my penis on one side of my pajama bottoms, and my hands on the other. The idea being that the mess would be caught by the pajamas. However, I found it felt better doing it hands-on-genitals...so I did it that way, even though I hated the mess... I'd wipe my hands after, and be careful with washing them. (I remember even carefully rinsing the bar of soap after I'd washed my hands so that it would be as clean as possible.)

 

I also seem to recall negative feelings about masturbation as a teenager in the 1980s. I did not grow up in a conservative religion family, but I worried about what God might think. I think I had negative feelings past that, and thought about quitting. But the urge was too strong...

I can't say for sure now, but I also wonder if I didn't feel alone... There were no real messages that "all guys do this." I had no close male friends, so I never even heard any joking about masturbation (if that sort of thing even took place among any of the guys at my school). No close male friends also meant no chance of group masturbation.

Indeed, the only time masturbation was even mentioned at school was when a boy in biology (!) said something about having heard that some guys need to masturbate, and how sad that is! Or something like that.

It's funny, but I didn't even know there was a word for masturbation until maybe 9th grade. I somehow learned it, and discovered there was a word for the thing I'd been doing with my penis for years by that point.

Another factor: since I was about 13, my fantasies involved other guys. I'd remember a boy I'd seen nude, for example, or wonder about what a boy I knew looked like nude. I can't say for sure, but I have to wonder if that didn't create some problems, too, since there was a strong message that boys weren't supposed to be interested in other boys.

 

Homosexuality as a means to control the population makes no sense. I know gay men who were in relationships and marriages with women, and have children. I don't think there would necessarily be gay people today, or at least as many as there are, if gay people weren't finding a way to pass on their genetic code.

I also don't think for most of human history we needed to keep the population in check. Even now with close to 8 billion people we can still manage it. So when it was just a few million I don't see why gay people would be needed to keep reproduction from happening. This doesn't mean being gay hasn't served some purpose, but it's hard to figure out what exactly.

As for masturbating being stigmatized by religion/culture, I think there is an internal drive to procreate and the brain knows on some level that masturbating isn't sex. Your biology wants you to make babies, but it also allows you to masturbate so you don't go crazy. I think this is why society looks down on masturbating because unconsciously people know that time spent by yourself isn't productive. You have an orgasm and suddenly you don't feel the same intense desire to be with another person. At least for a little while. So the more time you are satisfying yourself is time you are wasting not making kids.

 

This is exactly what I was thinking when I said there should be something more than just religion upbringing in the post-masturbation shame. You said it better.

 

How about this: some people field embarrased about going to the movies or a restaurant alone. Could it be something like that? And not only that; society looks at people who do those things with some pity. Of course, religion takes it to the extreme.

Now, you seem like someone who knows about this things. Do you know of any religions outside the three abrahamic religions that forbid masturbation?

 

I don't mind answering your questions, but what's up with the animosity? Did I say something wrong?

 

And yet the human population on this planet could more than sustain itself at 2 billion - and it would impact far, far, far less on other animal species here. But that's besides the point if hardwiring has remained unchanged throughout human history. But it does suggest to me a prudent need for humans to reduce and controller our population. And yet capitalism likes a non shrinking population to sustain markets and economic stability, and so do governments for other reasons. Many contradictions / competing pressures are at work I think.

It seems to me, with such a huge human population now, that human hardwiring to procreate, unchanging as it is, is at odds with our global reality - or at least it is pushing at the edges.

It is, though, interesting and perhaps crucial for our individual health to understand that we have hardwiring as well as religious, cultural and societal influences which can contradict that hardwiring sometimes.

 

I actually did find an article that did point out that Prolactin levels within sex seem to peek 400 points more than during masturbating. So, maybe the brain does know to some degree when we're actually having sex and when we're just choking the chicken.
https://psychcentral.com/blog/orgasms-best-in-sex-vs-masturbation/
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0301051105001110

 

Interesting articles, indeed. Although a bit depressing for someone like me whose only sexual outlet has always been--and, seemingly, always will be--masturbation. Indeed, my situation points to one huge problem in these articles. It's easy to say "something is better" as conclusion from a study. For example, if you eat some given food so often, you might reduce the chance of a certain type of cancer. But it's easy for most people to eat something more often. But you can't find sex as easily as you can buy 2 pounds of broccoli. (Well, apart, perhaps, from those thrilling Cell Phone Aps That Can't Be Named. But, of course, that raises a question--would hookups have the same impact on Prolactin levels?)

No matter.

I'm not a psychologist. I don't even have a science background, past high school biology/chemistry/physics. But I agree with Chip--I see so many variables that could be a factor.

One issue I see: I can imagine writers taking this study and using it to prove that "It's better to have hot sex with that someone!" I can imagine it in a men's health magazine article. Or a newspaper looking for a piece of respectable looking news that yet will help slightly titillate the readers because it involves sex. But these articles talk about one factor, and human sexuality has a lot more complexity than one factor. But, of course, that will get conveniently overlooked by a writer looking for something to write about.

Indeed, if partner sex was so much greater all around...you wouldn't hear stories of people in good sexual relationships who still masturbate solo.

 

Well masturbation isn’t just used for sexual gratification. Sometimes people jack off due to stress or we have people who are addicted to it.