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How much emotional turmoil did you feel after coming out?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by MS001, Apr 2, 2016.

  1. MS001

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    I have a lot of stuff going on in my life right now, and right before coming out I was feeling awesome. Then I came out and was continuing to feel awesome. Now I feel like all the emotions and stuff from coming out has made me feel kind of unsettled and vulnerable and sensitive and depressed.
     
    #1 MS001, Apr 2, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2016
  2. angeluscrzy

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    I don't have the depressed part so much, but definitely can relate to the feeling vulnerable and unsettled.
    I think it is finally taking off this self imposed filter and acknowledging feelings that were always pushed back. Of course, after years always being so guarded and keeping people at a distance, to be real, to be open to any extent is pretty scary.
     
  3. SHACH

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    Oh indeed. Before coming out to my best friend I felt super happy about my sexuality. But when I did, in a night of great emoitions, it drained me completely emotionally and made me feel very vulnerable. This caused a bit of a down feeling and a sort of resurgence of questioning. However, it eventually became comforting to be out to him. You will probably go through a similar process.
     
  4. YeahpIdk

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    When I came out to my best friend I felt free. Free as a bird! She was totally accepting and made everything seem much more normal than I was making it out to be. I was having turmoil keeping it all in and having problems comprehending how I was suddenly so into a female. The moments leading up to the words coming out of my mouth, she thought I was going to tell her I was dying of some horrible ailment. Talking to her about everything, all the time (poor friend), was a life saver.

    When I told my parent, I felt super vulnerable, but still better once I got it out. Now, however, we sometimes have conversations that don't sit well with me - where she acts like she doesn't understand "gay love", so she acts like "it's fine. I don't understand it and don't need to or want to." Or when I've had to argue that just because I realized when I was 25 that I liked women romantically doesn't mean that I'm not bi/lesbian. This actually happened recently, and I told her I didn't want to talk to her about these things anymore because she only made me feel bad about myself, and I didn't need to prove anything to her. Pretty sure I made her feel like sh*t, haha. I know she loves me no matter what though. She's hot & then cold sometimes. I'm a lucky one, but it's hard sometimes, and being made to feel vulnerable or invalidated is definitely an issue that creeps up!
     
  5. Lilsis02

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    I also got a lot when I car out my family basically told me they wouldn't be there for me but would be for my 2 boys it's still hard and I don't understand why I am still the same person
     
  6. baristajedi

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    I went through so many ups and downs, and still am. It brought a flood of varying emotions, good ones like relief, freedom, and hard ones like old shame, fear, insecurity, vulnerability. The more time that goes by, the better the positive feelings get - now I feel pride, confidence, I find it fun to flirt and express my feelings and identity, but the hard emotions come back in waves.

    Hugs (*hug*) You will get through this.
     
  7. Lilsis02

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  8. rachael1954

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    Everyone here seems pretty settled. But as for me, I felt SO MUCH turmoil. It only started to slightly die down after 8 months. My whole life was upended by it, because I had suppressed/denied/minimized it all my life and it suddenly came out and kicked me in the butt. I may never "recover" my old sense of self, but then again I'm probably sure I don't want to.
     
  9. demidiluvian

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    I love that about 1/2 the time I'm feeling something new, someone on EC started a thread about it that day. I'm sorry you're feeling down. Hopefully it helps to hear this as I'm in a similar spot right now.

    I came out to a friend last week. She was (and is) awesome. Her wife baked me cookies (because Ellen once said it was sad that nobody ever bakes you a "Good for you, you're gay!" cake). Absolutely lovely, the both of them. That same day, I de facto came out to the people at a gay meetup, but that was lower stakes.

    The next day I got to talk to her at length, and it was such a massive relief to finally have an actual deep conversation about being gay with a gay friend.

    And still ... since then my stomach has been periodically in knots when I think about any of it. And doubts have returned Before it was just 'what if you're not gay' and now it's extended to 'what if you just lied to these wonderful women?' (my inner critic is a card-carrying sadist, fo sho). I've also started to feel angry at all those men in my life when I was a gay boy and later a gay man who acted as such thoughtless standard bearers for emotionally distant, hostile, and harsh masculinity, making it that much harder to find myself. And much more.

    It was like, "You chose door number, 'I'm gay and I want you to know'. All right folks, let's see what's back there .... You've won Bag o' Snakes!"

    A few days later, things are calmer, but yeesh, not the surprise I was looking for.
     
  10. wanderinggirl

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    Depressed. Unsettled. Ashamed. Giddy. Embarrassed. Lonely. Awesome. Pathetic. Terrified. Alive. Anxious.

    Like a million emotions of all sorts came tumbling out for the first time in years. It was hard but I feel better off for it (after the fact).
     
  11. CyclingFan

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    Oh my god, yes. It upset so much of this identity is built for myself! And it changed that and stirred up all sorts of past stuff as part of it. Thankfully it's become progressively better, through some work and the passage of time. It still reaches up and grabs me.
     
  12. littlespencie

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    Seeing this thread a little late, but sharing my two cents because I totally relate. I've only started telling a few close friends. They've been supportive. But after telling two of them, who I'm currently spending more time with in person, I got extremely scared, vulnerable, and worried about them not wanting to spend time with me anymore. I took their slow responses to texts/emails as "they're scared I'll get a crush on them/they don't want to talk to me anymore." When I first came out to myself a couple of months ago, and tried a little flirting on free dating sites, I was ecstatic. That has turned into a roller coaster and I'm currently feeling really down about all this. Alienated, sad, regret about missing out on the possibilities of my 20s. Also, I'm telling myself I'll never attract anyone and no one will ever want to be in a relationship with me and I'll have to settle for being alone. I hope this phase doesn't last long and I'm thinking I might need to see a therapist to help me not get stuck here.
     
  13. OnTheHighway

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    Even when feeling settled, there are times when emotions kick in. I often wonder if there is a bit of post traumatic stress disorder that goes on after coming out. There is so much stress and tension that is built up while in the closet, after coming out, where there is an initial euphoria, your body and mind need time to settle down.

    Another analogy which I think might be relevant is postpartum depression.

    Either way, coming out is just the start of another chapter on each of our journey, and that journey requires nurturing and healing of the mind, body and soul which takes time.
     
  14. Anjelyka

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    A lot. It caused me insurmountable pain. And at the same time it was a weight off of my shoulders.

    Due to the circumstances of my life and my situation I thought it would be impossible to pursue transitioning. But after the last bout of anger and depression over it, I realized that it is impossible to keep myself bottled up; my emotions are either going to kill me or I transition...I prefer to live.