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How much can someome with ocd believe in what other people say as totally true?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Sadness, Feb 22, 2022.

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  1. Sadness

    Sadness
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    I ask this because i noticed how much i change my mind whenever im with a majority of people who think the same about a situation.

    I was again trying to quit on porn, so i started getting pictures of girls im "into" and fantasized about them, and it was hard to feel arousal. So my mind imediately thought of a penis of a transwoman or a "trap" hentai character (sorry for the word, is just how it's refered to) and i was fantasing about doing a handjob to her, and at firts there wasn't a problem at all, since i know this is bc of porn or even if it's a attraction it's not gay, i was really cool with that, until i searched on internet if getting hard by "traps" (again, sorry for the word) was gay, and at some forums, the majority of people said "yes, is gay, because it has a penis, so its gay)

    Because of that, my mind instantly switched and i started thinking to myself "so am i gay?", and it only happened bc the majority told it was gay, but once i came here, everyone said it's not gay, so my mind flipped again and i thought " oh okay, im not gay afterall, those are straight fantasies".

    And then i noticed how my mind switch between opinions depending on which side the majority of people are. Who is right and is wrong, here? there?

    Very confusing ):
     
    #1 Sadness, Feb 22, 2022
  2. Chip

    Chip
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    So the issue here is, once again, the OCD is getting in the way of being actually able to make logical sense of what's going on. You have several different issues that are all interacting together:

    1. Constant use of porn has desensitized you so you are stimulated not by the normal thoughts of sexual experiences with the opposite sex, but simply by something that's different. Novelty of thought = arousal for someone numbed. So you can't reliably predict anything because you're so numb to ordinary sexual arousal. This will go away after you've given up porn for a couple of months.; your brain is pretty resilient.

    2. OCD is hijacking reason centers, making it difficult to logically look at anything without thinking "what if." That's 100% the hijack. It isn't real.

    3. There are underlying issues that likely create the OCD and other anxiety spectrum experiences you are having. These most likely go to early childhood experiences that impact your sense of worthiness and self-esteem and belief in the fundamental goodness about yourself. And those same underlying issues are likely to cause you to want to "fit in" with what other people are doing. It's a very common response for people who don't feel super confident and secure about themselves. And it certainly isn't helped by the anxiety and related feelings associated with the OCD.

    This is where therapy comes in. The OCD should continue to improve if you get your doc to adjust the medication. But you're going to need to do some work on the worthiness stuff, and that takes time and dedication.

    But in short... all of this stuff ties together. Hopefully the above makes sense as to how and why.
     
    #2 Chip, Feb 23, 2022
  3. Sadness

    Sadness
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    When reading i remembered how in my childhood i was almost all the time trying not to argue with a type of group of friends, whenever we discussed and we splited for a while, i was always on the fence, never by one side, and i used to have a friend that ordered things and i would do it bc i didnt want to lose his friendship, until the moment i noticed that it was wrong, could this be it?


    I think im understanding more and more about this, yesterday when all this happened i tested with man, fantasized doing a handjob to him too at first i was only feeling the tingle, then my head started throwing transwoman in my mind, switching the fantasy without me wanting, intrusive, and then i got hard. I stopped, waited until i get soft and tried again, but now i was already aroused so i was getting kind hard by thinking of the man, so this is a part of the hijacked brain?

    And this is more true than never, bc my fantasies are more extreme now and i dont worry about them, they are fine, until i search on other forums ):
     
    #3 Sadness, Feb 23, 2022
  4. Chip

    Chip
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    There's almost never a single "it." The sort of brain adaptations that arise from trauma and cause or contribute to OCD and anxiety are a series of adaptations the infant and young child's brain makes to its environment. More than likely, the core issues are with the way you and your parents interacted. That, in turn, influenced how you approached friendship, and you attracted friends that weren't really supportive (at least, that's what I take from what you describe above.) Doing things you know are wrong because someone tells you to do them comes from not having a strong enough sense of self (until it reached a point where you said "enough). And that, in turn, comes from some ways of interacting, very early in life, where your needs weren't met, or you didn't feel loved, respected, appreciated continually, or your parents had their own wounds that impacted their capacity to fully be there for you, or (most likely) a combination of the above.
     
    #4 Chip, Feb 24, 2022
  5. Sadness

    Sadness
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    Tbh my parents were always very very lovely with me, they were always there for me, they always had time to me, i felt very loved from them since im a kid. They were always overprotective, so it took time for me to go to school trips, or to sleep on a friends house, i wasnt allowed to play some violent games like gta, things like that. Dont know if it can be this?
     
    #5 Sadness, Feb 24, 2022
  6. Chip

    Chip
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    That might point to the issue.

    When we talk about childhood trauma, the first thing we have to get out of the way is, there's no blame, and we are in no way saying that what happened is the parents' fault, because it isn't. The parents are doing the best they can with what they have... and they are a byproduct of whatever they grew up with.

    Overprotection usually has its origins in anxiety. The parent is overprotective because they fear that something will happen... and that comes about because of either an anxiety disorder, or, perhaps, because something happened in their childhood or past that motivated the overprotection. Those behaviors don't come out of nowhere. So if, for example, one or both parents had anxiety, the child's nervous system and brain normalizes itself to whatever mental health issues the parent has... except it is easy for it to be amplified over the parents' situation, because the parents, as adults, have lots of interactions and experiences to mediate and moderate how their brain processes information. The child, on the other hand, for the first several years, has mostly or entirely the parental interaction to influence brain development.

    If you want to read more about this, Gabor Maté's wonderful book "Scattered" is a good place to start. It's about ADHD, but there are a lot of similarities between the origins of ADHD and the origins of OCD and anxiety. Or there's also free video called "The Power of Connection" you can find on Youtube, with Gabor, it's about 70 minutes long, and explains a lot of this better than I can in a few sentences.
     
    #6 Chip, Feb 24, 2022
  7. Sadness

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    I cant say how anxious my parents were, but they were pretty cautious with myself when i was young, they were trying to protect me, and i think most parents are kind protective, but there some things that my friends used to do that i couldnt do it. I love my parents so much, i was loved all the tike and it didnt bothered me to be protected by them, i love them for everything they did

    So it makes sense how those 3 things you said over there are compeled together to make the the whole ocd a real threat, the whole overprotection, my hijacked brain which is something really weird, and i still quite dont understand completely, and my porn use. So could the reason that when i try testing with guy i sometimes get those tingling and hard feeling or get hard with gay porn, all this could be on the same spot, the dirst one you said, and the other too it just makes it harder to deal woth, bc being hijacked make me believe things is not true or dont believe things that are true, and plus my childhood, so much happening with me rn omg.

    I will watch the video you said it, and will read the book you told, im trying to find any type of resource that could help me rn :slight_smile:::
     
    #7 Sadness, Feb 25, 2022
  8. Chip

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    Let me know what you think of the video. It's pretty profound.
     
    #8 Chip, Feb 26, 2022
  9. Sadness

    Sadness
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    Sorry taking so long to respond, i didnt find the whole thing, only few clips of it.

    But i find very interesting he talking about this subject.
     
    #9 Sadness, Mar 3, 2022
  10. Chip

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    Here's a link to the whole thing, free.
     
    #10 Chip, Mar 3, 2022
  11. Sadness

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    Oh, Thanks, i will watch it.

    My meds ended, and i will have to wai for them to be made again. I noticed somd changes on things when im not taking meds. I was at the cinema with friends and my best friend sat by my side, and he touched me, and only for this i felt tinglings. So i start testing and start feeling tingles again. I dont know why when a friend touch me i feel this tingling, maybe bc im too nervous, i just feel it moving there and the feeling/tingling just for him touching my arm, and when fantasized i only did about him holding my hands, passing his hand through my arm, legs.

    This is probably something thats happening bc of im not taking meds, bc i dont know why would i feel tingle for this tbh.
     
    #11 Sadness, Mar 5, 2022
  12. Chip

    Chip
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    You. Need. Your. Meds.

    What do you mean you need to "wait for them to be made"? OCD meds are very standard ones that should be available in stock at at any pharmacy.
     
    #12 Chip, Mar 5, 2022
  13. Sadness

    Sadness
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    My meds are prescribed by my psychiatrist, so they are made, i cant find them at any pharmacy. At least thats how i think it works.
     
    #13 Sadness, Mar 6, 2022
  14. Chip

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    It would be highly unlikely to get a compounded medication for a pretty common mental health issue. Unless your psychiatrist is really, really unusual. I know a few psychiatrists out of the entire country who do custom compounded prescriptions, and it is usually only for very specialized disorders, not common OCD. And even at a compounding pharmacy, it generally never takes more than a day or two at most to get one's prescription. It sounds like someone is giving you the runaround.

    What are you taking? (The name of the medication would be on the bottle.)
     
    #14 Chip, Mar 6, 2022
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2022
  15. Sadness

    Sadness
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    Yeah, im going to pick them today, i didnt have time to pick them yesterday. I was only comparing how this meds are saving me bc in 2 days without taking them my life became hell again. Saturday at the cinema where i was feleing tingling w my best friend only touching my arm, and today where i was listen to please me by bruno mars and cardi b. I was thinking of a girl and was feeling good. Its good to fantasize sometimes, but suddenly a gay friend of mine popped up and i started testing with him, resulting in me listening to this fucking song for 1 hours straight testing with this guy kissing my whole body and feeling tingling everywhere, feels like constant mini arousal feeling. Im feeling ill and want to throw up now, my head hurts, im angry and im feeling very bad i cant concentrate on my work anymore.

    All this bc im 2 days without taking the fucking meds, i didnt want to think about this guy it was so out of nowhere, and feeling this tinlging without taking meds just makes me anxious thinking that im gay and aroused, i even thought about going on a hookup with a men to see if i was going to like it, i didnt do it fortunatelly.

    It went from 0 - 100 to fast im feeling completely numb again, and im bored of this fucking song i used to like lol

    This tingling feel so real like real arousal, my penis even gets bigger everytime it happens... shit, not again

    And about my meds name, since im at work i cant remember, i will have to look at it, its a weird name.
     
    #15 Sadness, Mar 7, 2022
  16. Sadness

    Sadness
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    Btw its bupropion the name of it. The one i take at the morning, i cant find the bottle of the one i take at night before going to bed
     
    #16 Sadness, Mar 7, 2022
  17. Chip

    Chip
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    Buproprion is Wellbutrin. An excellent and highly effective (and commonly used) antidepressant. It works primarily on dopamine and norepinephrine, which makes it different in action than almost every other antidepressant. Not sure that's what's helping your OCD, though. Let us know what the other one is.
     
    #17 Chip, Mar 8, 2022
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  18. Sadness

    Sadness
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    Oh, i didnt know it was a antidepressant and that it worked on dopamine it explains how i felt more "comfortable" if i could say so.

    And sorry but i cant find the other one, i remember it was a mix of 2 or 3 meds? One of then was amitri-something.

    What i know is that i will have my appointment this friday, don't even know what to talk with him besides my meds, dont know if i should ask for a higher dosage bc i think i shouldnt rely only on my medicines, they are not what makes mr feel better completely, it helps 80%, but the other 20% its about me, i should fight it too, but i cant stop watching porn or fantasize about transwoman penis, i just feel that it wont do any good if i ask im to adjust my meds if i still watch porn and fantasize about transwoman.
     
    #18 Sadness, Mar 8, 2022
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2022
  19. Chip

    Chip
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    Tell him exactly what the symptoms are, how the meds are helping but you're still having some symptoms, and simply ask if increasing the dosage is appropriate. Wellbutrin is the only drug in its class, so there isn't another one like it you can try (at least, that I know of.) And since we don't know what the other drug is, we can't say anything meaningful about it. But your psychiatrist should be able to give you some input as to what you can do.
     
    #19 Chip, Mar 9, 2022
  20. Sadness

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    I think my issue is that i feel little embaressed to tell him about the past events that happened to, maybe bc i'm afraid what his reaction will be. Like if i tell him that sometime ago for a weird reason, whenever i would test about doing a blowjob to a guy i would get hard, i dont know if i still get hard when test this bc i almost stopped testing with this. Or teeling him that i feel those tingles that feels like mini arousals everytine i test with men, and sometime even my penis gets bigger. Its very graphic to tell him and im afraid he will tell me after hearing that that maybe im gay, since straight guys dont get hard when testing with men. Im embaressed and afraid.

    And oh, i found the name. Clomipramine, lamotrigine, zolpidem, thats the mix of meds i take at night
     
    #20 Sadness, Mar 9, 2022
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