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How many people feel suppressing your innate sexuality has retarded your ability to reason?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by brainwashed, Sep 22, 2020.

  1. brainwashed

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    I'll go first. I know for a fact suppressing my sexuality has retarded my ability to reason. Just the simple question, who am I has caused my brain to go into chaos mode.
     
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  2. Tartanskrt

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    Not for me. I'm utterly rational about most things. I'm actually the kind of person people turn to in a crisis. What I can't deal with is my feelings for women and those I'm often totally ott about.
     
  3. ChristelSa

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    In a normal situation I'm very rational and know perfectly how to behave and what to do. But... in these strange times and in lost hours I find I'm somewhat consumed by overthinking my current predicament. Transitioning definitely has an impact but luckily I'm able to function normally up to this point. No idea what the future will bring though.
     
  4. QuietPeace

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    I was put through conversion therapy. It resulted in many problems which ultimately led to a total breakdown, I have been officially disabled now for over 20 years and I still have congnitive difficulties.
     
  5. Fuzzy

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    No, not for me. Understanding our sexuality is more about being in touch with your feelings than it is about reasoning.
     
  6. KeLeWi

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    I think the unreasonable fear of coming out, as well as the pressures of suppressing sexuality can cloud reasoning. It can make illogical consequences seem likely, and likely consequences seem impossible.
     
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  7. Frankie46

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    Absolutely spot on.

    I’m usually extremely rational but this one nagging issue clouds every other part of my life.
    Frankie x
     
  8. PeterWI

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    Not to reason, maybe, per se. Although I do feel like learning things is easier when I don't have problems pushing at my ego. Eventually I can feel somewhat depersonalized. I was just discussing this with my shrink the other day. Thankfully I'm feeling much better. I hope you feel better too.
     
  9. Tightrope

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    I am sorry to hear this. It is slowly being legislated out of existence. It has hurt so many people. People who understand people and what this does are working to end this practice.

    Some areas will move more slowly or may not do it. I hope these areas are few and far between.
     
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  10. QuietPeace

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    As far as I have seen the places that make it illegal only do so for children and teens and as such what I went through would still be legal.
     
  11. MantisRay

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    I'm normally a very logical person and can rationally deal with things thrown my way at work, but once it comes to my personal life I become a mess. For example, having to come up with positive things to say about myself (such as in a job interview) is always hard, it's not something I'm accustomed to since I'm used to seeing everything that's wrong.
     
  12. quebec

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    brainwashed.....I don't think I was affected in the way that you are describing, of course, if it really did happen to occur, how would you be able to tell? @QuietPeace...so sorry that you were forced to go through the hell of conversion therapy. I don't even like to call it "therapy". I guess the term does apply, but I like to think of therapy as something that is positive, something that can help people!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  13. PeterWI

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    Silly as it sounds, maybe set aside some time for yourself to write down a few things and visualize, in detail, a few situations where you've been successful, brave, helpful, or positive in other ways.
     
  14. QuietPeace

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    @quebec thank you. I agree that calling it therapy is misleading (and that deception is deliberate). Most experts discredit the practice now.
     
  15. RD Spencer

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    In a way I can relate to this.

    As a young teenager I felt so much shame from my sexuality and became very focused on acting as straight as possible and making sure no one would ever find out.

    In the last decade I have been coming to the realization that I must to some degree give off a gay vibe that even most straight people pickup on, but for most of my life I down played the importance of my desires and lied to myself about how others perceived me. I saw myself completely differently than how everyone else did. Whenever someone had suggested or hinted at my sexuality, or just came off like they saw me in any other way than in my own vision I would disregard their intentions and fabricate an alternate meaning behind it. This would just cascade into misunderstanding most people.

    In the end I feel nervous and paranoid around people. I struggle to understand them and I have a distorted self-image.
     
  16. brainwashed

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    Bingo!
     
  17. brainwashed

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    The way I am able to tell has many markers. One marker is tracking my behavior and thoughts over time. One tool I use to track is to keep a personal journal. (my journal is now ~1k pages and thats not including sub documents, etc)
    Agree 100%. It's not therapy, its abuse. Conversion abuse.
     
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  18. brainwashed

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    So "as a young teenager I felt so much shame" This implies you knew you were gay.

    Again this means you knew you were gay. If so, interesting.

    [/QUOTE].....I must to some degree give off a gay vibe that even most straight people pickup on,..... [/QUOTE]
    Bingo. Interesting how that happens isn't it?

    The reason I dwell on "you must have known you were gay" is, I did not have a clue I was gay. So I'm searching for reasons why I didn't have a clue and looking for markers in your behavior. Thanks for all the great info and open honestly.

    Interesting

    I'v got to ponder this for a while.

    I wonder if this happened to me by others. Huuuuum

    Oh yes most definitely, me to.

    Bingo!
    Really great reply post. Thanks for taking the time.
     
    #18 brainwashed, Sep 28, 2020
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2020
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  19. RD Spencer

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    It seems that early in grade school my behavior may have given it away. I was different that other boys in my school and they let me know it. Even my mom saw it and I was scolded for acting gay apparently. At this point I knew I was though of as acting gay but I really didn’t know that being gay was anything other than the way a person behaved. When puberty and sexual desires kick in I found my self fantasizing about other boys and it hit me hard what being gay truly meant. I was also fantasizing about girls as well, so I used this as a way to down play the same sex desires. I figured how gay can I be if I like girls, but was always in the back of my mind.

    So in a way I always knew but did not accept it.

    Hope this helps.
     
  20. NoName87

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    I think so. It’s all about honesty with yourself and others. If you are not honest (subconsciously or consciously) you skew the reality you operate in. My relationship with others is directly related to how I feel and think about myself. The ability to properly navigate through life emotionally and logically is greatly blunted by dishonesty, IMO.