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How long did it take for your parents to accept you?

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by dyl pickle, Mar 27, 2017.

  1. Renegades

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    I told my mom that I like girls June of 2015. She told me that she will love me no matter what, but I know that isn't 100% true. She pushes me to be feminine despite my obvious masculine presentation, and now says I am pretending to be gay as a way to rebel, or prove some point. I think how long it takes to gain true acceptance depends on the parent and how they were brought up, as well as the way you express yourself after coming out.
     
  2. Shasta

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    I was forced to come out by my mom. She keeps asking who made me gay. if she found out I had pictures of my crush on my phone she would be very disturbed. She would probably make me come out to her to humiliate and punish me.

    My sister has told me I need to keep it myself for the sake of the family.

    So mom has not accepted it. She oblivious to how much forcing me out has hurt me.
     
  3. looking for me

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    my sexuality? right away. over a year ago.

    my gender? told them at the end of march, they still cant/wont talk about it. just hangs there silently.
     
  4. DarkWhite

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    Your mother sounds the same as mine :/ Well to answer your question - After she learned Im transgender I became shame of the family. Even tho she said she understands me and try to help me. I guess when I tell her Im bisexual I ll be kicked from our house.

    So thats how it is now. I dont think I will ever be really accepted, but that happens.
     
  5. AuroraBorealis

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    My dad was pretty cool from the beginning. My mom made it clear that she loved me no matter what, but I think it was harder for her. My sexuality by no means was something we talked about over the dinner table and definitely still isn't, however, it seems my mom has let go of the half baked ideas she's always had about gay people just this year, because we do talk about it a bit more since I've gotten older. My parents found out I'm gay at 14 and I'll be 20 in June.
     
  6. Firepit5

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    Sweetheart, you need to reach out and ask for help. I say this as a mother. Asking for help is scary, makes me feel weak and crazy, and leaves anyone who does it vulnerable. It sucks. Having said that, you need to take some time and think of someone/anyone in your life that can be trusted with at least the fact that you desire to pursue immediate counseling. You don't have to disclose anything that makes you uncomfortable until you are comfortable (and with a certified counselor who has taken an oath not to disclose anything that you disclose). I wish I could do more for you.
     
  7. Rin311

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    My parents never accepted me. To the point of trying to send me to a conversion therapy camp. The fallout was pretty severe (I wrote about it here a week or two ago). I frankly don't think they will ever accept me. Right now we are in no-contact mode.
    It's really hard to deal with but at the end the day... they are individuals. I can't control their thought/actions. It is what it is.
     
  8. HerRainbow

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    If I were to be really honest, I don't think my parents will ever truly accept me. I only came out to them a few weeks ago and my mum has been a bit up and down. I don't think she even knows what bi means so I don't know how she can accept it! Then my dad, well I know he can't really stand me. I try to deal with their reaction the best I can but it's not easy
     
  9. Touzokou Ryou

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    Well for my own personal self, I am kind of out to my mother but not out at ALL to my dad. Let me kind of tell you a bit of my story. I initially told my mother over messenger.ni didn't have a way to call her at the moment, she read it and didn't really seem very responsive. That hurt. But told her ov r the phone and she accepted me but still thinks I'm "confused cuz I've liked/had crushes on boys growing up". Um people's feelings can change? Especially after with nothing but traumatic experiences (was raped by mom's bf off and on for 5 yrs, was too bloody scared to say anything) and had another bad experience with somepony I thought was my bf from work, basically was a hit it and quit it kind of deal. Yeah. Wasn't good,

    Anyway I am scared to come out to my dad and brother, mostly my dad because whenever he talks about LGBT things or people, he always has kind of this sneer in his voice. But he might know? I've been waiting for him to bring it up. He hasn't. But I heard that he says "I'm confused". I'm tired of being told "I'm confused", not all men are bad, and blah blah fucking blah! Sorry but I know how I feel. I have been checking out ladies and I find them very gorgeous, sexy, what have you. And I dream of dating/kissing a girl sometime in the near future, so yes, I am gay, I love girls, I just live 75% in the closet cuz of close minded father and family.

    Sorry for rambling. My dream is to be out to at least most friends/family. Or somehow build my own family.
     
  10. Firepit5

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    Is there anyone is your life to which you can confide? If not, you have us here. I am a mother of a lesbian and I am more than willing to listen. I am an over 50 conservative stay-at-home Mum. Not your average person in which to confide but my family has a long history of "confirmed bachelors" and lesbians and I love my daughter more than life itself. You need to feel normal about yourself.

    ---------- Post added 19th Apr 2017 at 11:56 PM ----------

    And in answer to your question, my daughter was 11. She was so frightened to tell me, she was shaking. It was a shock but I hugged her and told her that I loved her more than anything in the world and that would never end. I am a bit confused by your post. Are you saying that you are asking your parents to accept you being gay/lesbian or that you are trans?
     
  11. Dryad

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    My mother was fairly accepting, she said she was suspecting it, although at first she thought it was "just a phase" etc. But she never thought there was something wrong with me, and eventually she knew it wasn't a phase either.
    My father was a mix of "you're just experimenting because you're a leftist feminist hippie" etc etc and "it was all my fault, I wasn't a good father". He hasn't brought it up since I told him, about 3 years ago, and I haven't either. I had a boyfriend too, last year, and he was happy. I think he believes the "phase" passed.
     
  12. Wagram

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    Both of my parent's acceptance was kind insta.

    My father was raped and had strong feelings towards gays but seems it was all gone when I told him I was. He asked some edumb "gay" quesionts when I told him but was always very respectful and supportive

    My mother was very supportive as well and still is.
     
  13. GoinStag

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    Same here with my dad. He's the last person you'd think would be cool with that but he just kind of stood up for me and took charge. Kind of like "you don't have to worry anymore"...I mean he doesn't like to talk about it but he's been really cool with me
     
  14. Chronos

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    I still doubt that my parents accept me. They say they do, but it seems like it saddens them when they say it. Sometimes when their fighting, they argue about who's fault it is. I don't talk about it to them too much, I tend to talk about stuff with my group of LGBT friends...

    (Ironically, this post was made on the day I came out to my parents :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:)
     
  15. tinybear

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    Well, I personally have had to come out to my mother twice. The first time she was drunk, and I had told her. She didn't remember any of what I had told her the next day, so I told her again and she brushed it off. She didn't wanna talk about it. Yesterday, I told her that I had broken up with my boyfriend because I have only been liking girls lately, and not guys, and she was just like "I guess that's your thing" and walked away. So I'm questioning if she actually accepts me or not. She has said in the past that if I wanted a girlfriend I could have one. Sooo I guess that means she accepts me lol. She's just not showing it very well. And my dad is oblivious. He has no clue about my sexuality and I'm sure he doesn't care at all.
     
  16. LeticiaTheLesbo

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    Been a year and still working on it :slight_smile:
     
  17. Lavendar

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    I'm not gay or trans, but I'm the mom of a son who is gay (and I suspect he may even come out as trans down the road). If I can be completely honest, I think that it is easier for a parents to accept that their child is gay than it is to accept that your child is trans. The reason is mostly fear for how society will treat your child. Our world is more accepting of gay people than it is of trans people (unfortunately). BUT, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't keep being the real you. There is a grieving process for some parent when their child comes out (much like the 7 stages of grief one goes through when someone dies) - they grieve the loss of the life that had in mind for their child. Some parents cling too hard to the denial phase and try to convince their child that it's just a phase. It's a defense mechanism.

    Please don't ever be ashamed of being your true self. Don't be shamed into silence. If your parents cannot accept you, find some allies who can. You are not wrong or bad for wanting to be your true self - you are brave as hell! Keep on being you and I hope they will see that it's not just a passing phase, it is you, their son, being true to himself. Best of luck on your journey <3
     
    #37 Lavendar, Apr 23, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 23, 2017
    canadawet and Lautaro like this.
  18. dyl pickle

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    That's terrible - I'm so sorry. Thankfully, my mom would never stretch that far (more like she would never let my dad go that far), but it's so insane that people think those things will work. I hope everything is okay <3

    ---------- Post added 23rd Apr 2017 at 12:40 PM ----------

    Don't be sorry, it's nice to hear other people's experiences and know that not everything is happy and instant. I'm sorry about everything you've been through - hopefully you are able to be out soon :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 23rd Apr 2017 at 12:42 PM ----------

    I am trans (I identify as a male), and pansexual. I'm going to a therapist (I've actually been in therapy since I was 8) and my mom is talking with her as well. She doesn't specialize in anything LGBT related, but she's a good therapist and she's helping my mom to become more understanding.

    ---------- Post added 23rd Apr 2017 at 12:43 PM ----------

    That's what my mom seems to be like. All but two of my friends are LGBT, so that definitely helps me cope :lol:

    ---------- Post added 23rd Apr 2017 at 12:44 PM ----------

    I 100% know what you mean when it comes to fear of society's reactions/acceptance and grievance. Thank you so much for the kind words and support - it honestly means so much to me <3
     
  19. KBrandonSB

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    My dad pretty much did immediately my mom not so much and I doubt she does even now. I don't remember exactly when I came out but it's been a few years now.
     
  20. readingpast12

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    I'm waiting for my mom to accept it before I come out to the rest of my family. Unfortunately I have to re-explain that I'm asexual every time I watch a show with a cute guy or date someone. I also told my mom I might be interested in dating girls but she said "That's fine but wait till college and don't bring them home unless you're very serious about them."

    I think my sister and dad will be fine but I'm not sure how my brother is going to react.