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How long after separation/divorce were you interested in dating?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Fuzzy, Jul 24, 2020.

  1. Fuzzy

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    How long did it take after separation/divorce from a straight marriage for you to be even interested in seeking out a new relationship? And for context, do you have kids? I am waiting for my divorce to finalize and am separated and can't even imagine establishing any intimate relationship. I imagine I just need to recover from my marriage and wanted to ask others about their experience.
     
  2. OnTheHighway

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    In retrospect I would have liked to have had the confidence to spend some time on my own and have a relationship with myself following my divorce. I rushed into a relationship quickly and did not take the time to get to know myself. At the time, I was not comfortable with Hook Up/Casual Sex culture and only wanted to have sex with someone I trusted (the lack of comfort did not last long and following that first post coming out relationship I did dive in quite deep).

    So right after my marriage to my wife I had an eight month relationship with a guy whom was a great guy but whom I realized I could not commit to long term. A few relationships later I finally decided the time was right for me to have a relationship with myself and I took about eight months without dating anyone and being alone. It was a good decision and I was able to sort through a few of my remaining life questions during this period. Following this period I found myself in a loving relationship where confidence, respect and positivity form the foundation.

    I don’t think there is a right amount of specific time for anyone to try and follow. Even during my prior relationships I did continue to work on myself but I was not able to bring it all together until I was alone. Maybe eight month works for you, maybe a few years may work. The question you need to ask yourself is what do you want to achieve on your journey towards self actualization and how does building confidence, self respect, self esteem and love for yourself fit into that.

    I am not one to look back and hold regrets, but if I could have taken a mulligan right after coming out I would have liked to have had the courage to be on my own for an extended period fo time rather than rush into a relationship out of fear of being alone.
     
    Adz6 and Fuzzy like this.
  3. Fuzzy

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    I am not afraid of being alone, but I would like to be open to connection.
     
  4. LostInDaydreams

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    I split from my ex about a year ago and I haven’t felt much interest in dating for most of the last year. I have occasionally tried dating apps, but I usually lose interest after a week or so and end up focusing on other things. I would guess that answers to this question will vary according to each person as an individual and the circumstances around their separation/divorce.

    My ex was emotionally abusive and we have a daughter, so it wasn’t exactly a mutual or clean break. I think that we mostly handle things well, but there has sometimes been miscommunication or we have disagreed with each other, so that’s taken some mental and emotional energy to navigate. The relationship itself wasn’t pleasant and I’ve needed space to recover from that experience. Also, around the same time as our separation, there was an unexpected bereavement in my family and that’s something I’m still working through.

    From a time perspective, I got a new job a few months after our separation and I had no direct previous experience of the job role. I love it, but I did take me a couple of months to really get my head around it. Also, my daughter primarily lives with me, which I am very grateful for, but it does limit my availability in the evenings and the weekends. We’ve also both, my daughter and I, had to adjust to our new living arrangements, new school and routines, new clubs, etc. and I think my daughter has needed me around, so I’m not concerned about my lack of availability for other things.

    So for me, I really did need time to recover and adjust, and if you feel similarly then I think that’s fine and completely valid.