I'm a Christian, but since I was young, I have imagined myself kissing other girls. It first started when a girl who lived next door started coming over to my house. I imagined myself kissing her before I did a guy. Then when I started youth group and realized that I have to like guys. And middle school came, and there were these two girls who started dating (they were high school). It shouldn't have been a big deal, but what everyone needs to know is that I lived in a conserverative town. There was a church around every corner. I felt alone and weird. My youth group was made of 13 kids. Eleven guys and 2 girls. That means that I eventually started to like one of the guys. (Well two). I'll call him D. D was this artistic charging, nerdy guy. He was basically me with a more retro style of everything he did. He was the first person I fell in love with, but I was 15 and he was 18 about to go to college. I thought since I fell for him that I had to be attracted to guys. Then I met my best friend (female). I'll call her S. I fell for her, but I knew she was straight. She had this badassery about her that made me want to kiss her in front of everyone. That only made me more confused. S was someone who knew who she was which was one of things that attracted me to her so much. As I have gotten older, I have been able to understand that I am not who someone has made me be. For the longest time, I considered taking this to my grave. It took every bit of courage that I possessed to get this far. I am honestly still considering doing so. But, right now, I want to be around others who can help explain some of the things that I can't because they can tell their stories.
AJKAY99.....Hello and welcome to empty closets! I am a Christian too and I'm gay. You can be both. Keeping your sexuality a secret if coming out could be dangerous for you is not good, but it is sometimes necessary. Deciding to keep it secret for the rest of your life is a very bad idea. I tried that and it lead to years of depression and self-hate. Don't do it. I'm glad that you have founds us here on empty closets....I hope that we can encourage you, answer questions or just be a shoulder to cry on if you need it. Take a look at all of the forums here and then join in...I think you'll find friends and help! .....David Gay_pride_flag;
