How I came out to five people in one day

So, this actually happened a few weeks back, but I haven't been around to share it. It was such a crazy day.

I was working for this program at my university that brings in foster kids for a week that gives them a sort of high school experience. I did the program last year and loved it, I worked again with many of the same people but also a bunch of new people. I was out to exactly none of these people except for the other guy. And the only reason he knew was because we had come across each other on apps before.

So, there was this one girl, K, who was new and kind of nice. I would hang out on the girls' floor in the lounge on my breaks because the guys' floor lounge wasn't open and she would come in if she saw I was there. She was from the same area as me so we would talk about stuff, we were both in marching band, similar major, we got along and I thought she was nice. Now, keep in mind, I'm gay but not out. So, I saw nothing more than friendship with her.

Then the one night, I think Wednesday, we had a movie and game night for the kids. Anyone who didn't want to watch the movie played board games and card games with us. I hate scary movies so I ended up playing card games with three of our kids and three of my coworkers. At one point, and I forget the context, one of the kids exclaimed, "I know! You two are dating!" And he was pointing at me and the other guy, R. Now, he's bi but neither of us are out to the kids so we were kind of horrified and constantly denied and were just like "This is weird" and changed the subject. And K was there playing with us.

The next day at breakfast and lunch, K was making a clear effort to sit next to me or near me. We weren't in the same group, but whenever she saw me she would make a clear effort to come over and talk to me. At one point we had break at the same time and I told another of the girls where I would be but if anyone asked, I was sleeping in my room. I didn't want to be bothered by K. She was nice but getting to be too much.

So later in the day, I was walking with another coworker, L, after a workshop and we were walking the kids back to the dorm. Now, I'm friends with L from my other on campus job, I'm not out to her though. While we're walking she tells me that K had been going around and asking the other girl coworkers two things: 1) If they thought I was into her and 2) if they thought that I was gay.

Now, I was baffled because I've literally never dealt with this. But I also wasn't terribly surprised considering how K had been acting. So while walking I kind of felt urged to come out to L, so I did. And she told me some of the other people she had asked, one of whom was our lead person for the program. When we got back, the kids were doing something outside, and K was out there so as soon as she saw me she came over and stood started talking with me. I excused myself to go and talk with our lead person, G.

So, I go in and see G and wait until the room is empty and ask her about it. Now, I wasn't out to G but she's bi and I thought had a clue I was gay. So, I ask her about K and she confirmed. Then, I came out to her and was just like, "What do I do?" She asked me if I wanted her to intervene or what and I pretty much just told her I wanted to survive the last two days without weirdness. And then K came into the room so conversation stopped.

Jump forward to dinner and K did the same thing as before. Coming back from dinner I'm with two of the other girls, M and J. They stop me outside after the kids are in the dorm and say they want to talk to me about something. Of course, it's about K. But they wanted to play match maker! I had to kindly explain to them that that wasn't going to happen and came out to both of them at the same time. J then asked if she could be the one to let K down and I told her I'd prefer if she didn't, but if she did to not say I was gay.

So then that night! (Long ass day.) I was in my room with R, we were rooming together, and I told him about the K thing. He was under the impression that I was bi so I then had to come out to him as fully gay. I was shocked he had the most questions, though. "You've never done anything with a girl?" "I think you should try her out at least once."

That was the most exhausting day of coming out I've ever had, but it also felt...easy. Like there was no hesitation for me when I was coming out to people which I've never had before. And I'm not even terribly close with these people. I see and talk to them very sporadically.

(Sorry for such a long post!)

 

I was actually surprised with how well I handled the situation. In the past, I would've just brushed things off, but I guess I'm a new person?

I think it also helped that these are people that I don't see a lot and don't know as well, barring one. So, I didn't have to worry about any potential repercussions. I also knew for a fact that they weren't homophobic, which helped.

My next big leap for coming out definitely has to do with my potential plan for October in coming out to essentially all of my normal coworkers at a Speak Out panel. Kind of terrifying, but also kind of not.

 

The day actually still seems surreal when I think back on it. I have a terrible memory, as well, and I can remember a lot of details from that day.

I think one of the things that really helped was that L was the one to bring it up to me first. She is an amazing person who I work with and see more than the others and I consider a much better friend. It was still nerve-wracking, but easier. Having G be my head person and be LGBT also really helped me be comfortable and just...say it.

I've actually been ready for my coworkers to know for some time. Some more than others. But, I know I would have a lot of support as a whole and I think going into my future of grad school, being 100% honest with two of the guys I work closely with that plan on going for the same program may help our friendship even more.