1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How have you opened up again?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Mysteria, Dec 26, 2019.

  1. Mysteria

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2017
    Messages:
    462
    Likes Received:
    98
    Location:
    Oregon
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    This may seem like a weird question, and a month and a half ago it would have to me too. But I met this woman.....I'll spare all the details but suffice to say, I'm in a happy lesbian relationship, and i would have never thought that could be possible at the beginning of 2019.
    But I find myself very reluctant to say romantic things or revealing things. Which is not at all like me. I'm usually quite the open book, with a TV show to match. :slight_smile: Anyone can look at me and tell what I'm feeling. And I grew up in a family that expressed affection, and in my marriage and with my children I expressed affection, so what's holding me back?
    It's not her. I've examined my feelings and yes, I am emotionally and sexually attracted to her. There is a strong chemistry. She is being very emotionally open with me, so it's not like I'm afraid because I would be the only one putting myself out there. And I've put myself out there, too, but it feels unnatural. Not because of the words, but because of the moment....I can't explain it.

    Part of me wonders if I was just so hurt by the collapse of my marriage, necessary though it may have been, to feel safe being vulnerable. I never had any clue my ex would leave me until long after he actually did. And I promised myself I would never need someone that much again, never be so dependent on someone for my happiness. Even as I'm realizing the marriage needed to end, I still feel that betrayal. Would this make sense? Can you be gay and hurt by your straight spouse leaving you for unrelated reasons?
     
    Kmermaid00 likes this.
  2. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,043
    Likes Received:
    3,167
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey not a weird question at all. I am no expert but I think coming out of a long term relationship, even if you know it is the right thing for everyone involved can still hurt and be upsetting and take time to get over.
    Perhaps your brain is still dealing with the fact it is a relationship with a woman or perhaps there is a part of your brain that is worried about getting really close to her because it is still dealing with the breakup of your long term relationship.
    Do you find yourself wanting to say things and then something stopping you or do you just not find yourself thinking those things?
     
    LostInDaydreams likes this.
  3. Kmermaid00

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2019
    Messages:
    85
    Likes Received:
    64
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    The last question I would say yes for myself. I am newly divorced and I still feel that pain that's unrelated to being Pan. He left me because I was sick. I think it's probably just an internal thing trying not to get hurt again.
     
  4. Mysteria

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2017
    Messages:
    462
    Likes Received:
    98
    Location:
    Oregon
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    No, I find myself wanting to say things and something stopping me. I'm finding dealing with the different...emotional intensity?...of a relationship with a woman verses one with a man somewhat interesting to navigate. I love it, but it throws me off a little. And I'm sure that part of me is still dealing with the breakup of my long term relationship. We were together 20 years- that's not a small amount of time, considering I'm not yet 40.
     
  5. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,043
    Likes Received:
    3,167
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Maybe you could try saying some of those things with a little note or a message. That would give you chance to write it, read it back, think through sending it and maybe just close your eyes and hit the button, at least until you get used to it.