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how do you get rid of a stalker?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Tiny Catastrophe, Jul 1, 2010.

  1. Tiny Catastrophe

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    There's this kid that I grew up with and lost contact with for a while and he found me on facebook in october. We hung out a few times and now he's completely obssessed with me. I wouldn't mind being friends with him if he wasn't so obssessive. He helped to ruin my relationship with my ex girlfriend, he ruins my friendships and he drives me and my family insane. My friends wont hang out with me much anymore because he's ALWAYS around and no one wants to deal with him. I've lost a lot of friends because of him and I seriously can't take it anymore. And he stalks the few friends I still have and they don't want to deal with it either. I've tried talking to him and he just doesn't get it. He's driving me insane!!! Someone please help me :frowning2:
     
  2. Mirko

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    Hi there! How old is this guy?

    If you feel that he is stalking you and your friends and you feel really uncomfortable,

    1) Delete him off your facebook page. If you haven't done so yet, remove him from your friends list now!

    and

    2) Tell him in no uncertain terms to leave you and your friends alone. Let him know the reason as to why you don't want to hang out with him anymore. When he still comes or wants to hang out, and as hard as this is going to be, ignore him as best as you can. Don't say anything, or do anything that could give him the indication that it is okay or that you want him to hang out with you. When he calls don't pick up the phone, let the voice mail get it. When he e-mails you or messages you on facebook, don't reply!

    Hope this helps a bit!
     
  3. Chip

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    If it's really bad, meaning he simply won't leave you alone at all, he may have a psychological problem and talking to him may not be very effective.

    In these cases, sometimes making a formal police report and having the police show up at his house and telling him to bugger off can be effective. If that still doesn't work, it's pretty easy to get a restraining order, and with that, if he violates it (makes contact with you) they'll arrest him. Hopefully that won't be necessary.
     
  4. Tiny Catastrophe

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    thank you guys. the one problem with your suggestions are that his brother's girlfriend will beat the shit out of me if I do anything drastic like that which is why I'm stuck
     
  5. dude99

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    Well why dont you learn self defence if youhave not already?
     
  6. Spectre

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    Two words: restraining order?
     
  7. ANightDude

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    Against that chick too...
     
  8. Tiny Catastrophe

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    Not to shoot down everyone's suggestions but if I get a restraining order this kid will kill himself and I really don't need that on my conscious. That's why this is so hard because believe me I've thought about the restraining order. There seems to be no way out of this
     
  9. Lady Gaga

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    Sounds like a classic crazy to me. Although I doubt he will actually kill himself if you get one. I highly doubt it.

    If he really is crazy for you, he'll violated it and go to jail where it will be increasingly difficult to do so.
     
  10. Elven

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    My own friend is in a similar situation this guy is totally obsessed with her even though she has no feeling for him, he is really pschologically unstable and he had been telling her that he was utterly in love with her and if it wasn't for her he'd be dead yet he was making her life a misery and she had tried to explain to him she was a lesbian and really wouldent return his feelings.

    In the end the only thing I could find to help her was for her to confront him and make him see how he was hurting her and making her depressed so tell him what he is doing and how it is hurting/making making your life difficult (try to make him feel guilty for his actions such as causing you to split up from your girlfriend and get him to apologise) but also try and tell him that if only he stops being so obbsessive about you there may be a chance for future friendship otherwise you will not remain his friend nor aquaintance.

    Also you should bear in mind that he is not your responsibility and though you should try to make sure he dosent do something stupid, you should care for yourself more and if he does something stupid don't let it stain your own conscience, it would be his own fault. But just try and get through to him saying you're not interested and he is making your life depressing as well as distressing your family.

    If nothing seems to work relinquish all contact with him and refuse to go anywhere with him, try asking your parents for advice on how to deal with the situation. Only if all else fails or he starts following you after this point would I say you should consider police or a restraining order. As for his sister-in-law I don't know her personality so I couldent really explain what to say or do but I don't see how it is her business anyway.
     
    #10 Elven, Jul 1, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2010
  11. Markio

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    YES. You owe it to yourself and him to be honest.

    And if you for some reason do get beat up, throw a rock through her window or something.
     
  12. Chip

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    Highly unlikely. That's probably what he's *telling* you because he wants to maintain control in the situation. People who have these sorts of issues aren't playing with a full deck, but are rarely suicidal. More often, they are simply using that threat to manipulate others to get what they want. And it's working perfectly on you. So quit playing along.

    He *wants* you to believe that there's no way out, but that's BS. What I would do is tell him that you are going to get the restraining order, and if you have any indication that he is going to try to harm himself, that you will also have him committed for fear of self-harm.

    I had a crazy girlfriend once (I didn't realize how crazy she was at the time.) She threatened more than once that if I ever broke up with her, she'd commit suicide. She was really unstable, absolutely refused to consider going to therapy, and had no boundaries. I, too, felt like there was no way out of the situation. Fortunately, I had a wonderful therapist who talked to me about the situation and basically said "Look, she could go to Home Depot, buy cinder blocks and chain, go down to the bridge, chain the cinder blocks to herself, and throw herself off the bridge. And that would be tragic. But it would not be your fault. You tried to help her get the help she needs. You can't do anything else for her, otherwise you're allowing her to control YOUR life. And the reality is, she isn't going to commit suicide.

    So... I broke it off with her. And... she was fine. She sent me hate mail telling me how evil I was, but that was the end of it.

    I suspect the same will be true in your case. The solution is there, you just need to take it. You don't deserve to have to live with this BS, it is not of your doing, and you've dealt with it enough. Put a stop to it.