How do you ease dysphoria when you're in the closet?

I hate to be the broken record here, but it really sounds like you need some therapy. You're having issues that aren't easily solved and I feel like continuing to advise on every issue is just going to leave you with a laundry list of "To-Do's" that's only going to make you feel overwhelmed.

With love, dear, take that step. It's a big one, and a difficult one, and it took me years to get there myself. I don't know how I can make it easier, other than to say, despite how apprehensive I was, I wish I had done it sooner. I know I'd be in such a different and better place than I am right now if I'd really tried.

There may be more than one therapist who can help you, by the way. Some specialize in certain problems; you might need one to help with figuring out your gender identity and another to help manage depression and dysphoria.

I know, sounds exhausting already, right? It's not. It's healing. It's an effort, and there will be some pain, but at the end, you'll be... well, healed.

Sending love to you, my dear!

 

Hide that you’re going? How about saying you’ve joined a creating writing club? Regular meetings, nothing you can share at this time…
Just a thought.

 

There's no need to hurry. I would encourage you to feel your way through this stage in your life. Given time, answers, a direction and a vision of what you want your future to be like, will emerge.

That said, this sounds like one more reason to take the opportunity to leave.

I know that feeling so well! Being half in-half out of the closet is sometimes exciting, but often just...really tiring.

 

If your parents are keeping you from the therapy you need, I really hate to say this, but I think you need to get away from them. You're an adult and the control they're exerting over your life is, from your description, utterly cancerous.

I know that will hurt. I know that will cost you a lot of things you might miss. I know you're afraid of that and more. But it seems the only choice that leads to anything resembling a happy future. Otherwise, they continue to hold possession over your life and punish you for who you are.

We'll be here for you if you choose to or not, but I feel you should really consider it. Love and hugs to you, dear

 

Hey. Do you have any siblings? I haven’t gone back through your posts so I don’t know if you’ve said but if you don’t, who do they think is going to care about them in their old age if they are making you so miserable now?? One day, you’re going to decide you’ve had enough and say goodbye to them and they’ll be, excuse my language, f@cked.

If you do have siblings, where are they in all this? :{

Have you seen this video about coming out to your parents? I know it’s not exactly the same as your situation (or maybe it is) but it might give you a idea about how to reframe the situation so that they are on the back foot in this situation and not you. You’ve actually got the upper hand.

 

I'm not qualified to speak on the dynamic you have with your parents. I really want you to remember that when I tell you things, past and present. I'm trying to give you the very best advice I can, and everything I've told you to this point is just that, but I don't want to taint a clean well while trying to keep you away from ones I suspect are poisoned. I'm sure you love your parents and I do believe they have love for you, as well.

However, I would point out that no abuser is constantly abusing. Even the most vicious and violent will sit down with their victims, give them a hug, and tell them they really just care, that's what it's all about, you just keep making mistakes is all, and they're so sorry they flew off the handle, here have an ice cream. It's a pretty typical part of the cycle, honestly.

It only further indicates to me that you're in a situation you need to get away from, especially since you've just told me that you were having negative feelings before and they're actively keeping you from the therapy you so clearly need.

Ask yourself this; if someone you loved, a friend or girlfriend, were in the position you were in, what would you tell them to do? Stay there, ride it out, keep suffering until it gets better, if it ever does? Or would you tell them to go? Would you tell them to get out and not look back?

I know which one I would say, but I know that's a pretty scary one, too. I know that. It's easier to deal with the fear they impose. You know that fear. You can cope with it. That is, until the day that you can't anymore. Until it takes the last grain from the structure holding it all together and it finally collapses. And you do something. Something you can't undo, either to yourself or another.

I can't say that's the road ahead for certain, but it seems to be branching off in that direction to my innocent mind and I'd hate to see you go that way. So many of us do, it's heart-wrenching to even consider. Even one more tally would be one too many, let alone one I've come to care about.

Once again, I'm saying all this as an outsider. So please, take only what you need from what I say and leave the rest. I won't be offended. Just... you know. Find your way out. Watching you suffer isn't something I or anyone else here enjoys. Don't hesitate if you get a chance to escape.

Love ya, hon

 

DragonChaser talks a lot of sense there.

I will only add that you are a grown adult in your 20s. Even if you don't know all the answers yet (how many of us do anyway?) you're old enough to know your own mind and make decisions about your future.

Walk through that door and take this chance. If you don't, I feel certain you will end up regretting it.

Beth x

 

You've already come out to them though - that takes guts.

None of us are born brave. Courage is something one gradually acquires via, well, life; the 'ordeals that fire one's irresolute clay'.

But I believe you can do it.

Sending out love and strength to you.

Beth

 

Can I ask how your mother reacted when your brother decided to move out? Have you ever mentioned to her that you could do that too? Can you somehow predict her reaction?

 

Glad your still singing