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How do you ease dysphoria when you're in the closet?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by TinyWerewolf, Jan 12, 2022.

  1. TinyWerewolf

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    I'm just seeing this for some reason, sorry David! Must be this phone, sometimes it acts bonkers. I don't know how they'd help me but I'm willing to try it.
     
  2. quebec

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    Felix.....They have access to a lot of resources that could help. They also have a lot of staff members who have seen just about ever situation and could have some ideas that could be helpful. Please do contact them!!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  3. Jakebusman

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    Hope you find the help you need Jack
     
  4. TinyWerewolf

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    Thank you River, I need all of it I can get.

    Well I tried to and got disconnected, couldn't tell if it was the service or this phone acting up. I guess I'll have to wait until I work again to try again.
     
  5. quebec

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    Please do try again...they deal with a lot of suicide-type calls, so their phone dropping you is not likely. They really do have a lot of resources that could help you!
    .....David. :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  6. TinyWerewolf

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    Well I tried it again and they gave me two links. Pflag chapter in my state and a university website in a city four hours away. I'm going to look into the second because Pflag refused to load, something about not supporting my browser. I think some in a major city in the next state over would be more accesible since it's significantly closer, I'm going to check around there too.
     
  7. DragonChaser

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    Things seem very complicated for you right now. I can understand that, and I empathize with you, brother. My life went into fifth gear on me pretty quick, too.

    The important thing to keep in the forefront of your mind, and it sounds like you are, is the future. Know and believe you have more ahead of you than you ever could've imagined. You do, too. Believe me. And I'm only about a step further down the road from you.

    I wish I could give you a hug right now. You seem like you need it. Most of all, though, I ask you make sure you're caring for yourself during this time.

    I know it sounds elementary, but... are you eating enough? How's your sleep? Are you keeping hydrated? If you're prescribed any, are you taking your medications on time? When was the last time you took a bath or a long shower? Or a walk?

    Take care of yourself. Please. We all want you to be safe and you can't be safe if you aren't keeping healthy.

    Not to mommy you, but... I kinda mommy people sometimes.
     
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  8. Jakebusman

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    Yes Jack please keep us updated and let us know your safe.
     
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  9. chicodeoro

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    Just to echo what others have said - we're all here for you, TinyWerewolf.

    And that you're not alone. You're going through what many of us closeted or semi-closeted trans folk have to go through for our own survival - living for the future. But the important thing now is to start putting those plans in place so you're prepared for when the future arrives.

    Beth
     
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  10. TinyWerewolf

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    I usually get enough sleep but go to bed late, took a long shower last night (if I don't wash my hair daily it looks like I rubbed crisco in it), I haven't taken my allergy meds in a while but winter is the one season I don't need it. Hydration and taking care of my skin is where I'm not so good. I should probably start working out, but I'll be a long way from my goal. Eating healthier would help with that goal (my diet is awful lol). My mental health would probably improve some if I did that.

    I am safe for now, I'll admit some days I'm not ok but I am right now.

    I'm working on putting plans into place, I've got a few ideas circulating in my head there. I need to plan for contingencies too.

    Thank you all for caring:purple_heart:.
     
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  11. quebec

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    TinyWerewolf.....There is one thing that you can count on above all else here on Empty Closets...we do care! We want to help you in any way that we can. So let us support you, please use us to vent if you need to and please don't hesitate to use our shoulder (virtual) when you need it. We will be here for you. It will be our utmost happiness to see you out on your own, with a good place to live, a good, steady job and friends that understand and accept you! It can happen!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  12. TinyWerewolf

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    Thank you David, y'all give me hope actually and it's very much appreciated. This is kind of terrifying being here sometimes and being in a secret relationship and all. Y'all are good people. :slight_smile:
     
  13. Mysticsnow

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    That sounds so terrible, if you ever need to talk I am here, I am a great listener and friend, my parents say they are accepting of me but I don't feel like they are because if they where my parents would have already been calling me their son and using he/him and I came out them back in 2020 so it shouldn't be that hard for them to do that for me, do you think I am overreacting? It's only been like 3 years since I came out, so maybe I am overreacting a little, I read your post and could semi relate although my parents don't control me they don't look in my phone that sucks that your mom does that, that is a privacy violation I don't get why some parents feel like they have the right to snoop in their adult children's phone it's strange to me.
     
  14. TinyWerewolf

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    *TRIGGER WARNING*

    I do realize it's hard for parents at first- especially if it came as a shock. Mine just straight up told me they'll never accept me from day one. My dad asked if I was confused and said "If you need to know what gender you are, look down your pants." It made me so angry and terrified all at once. It still infuriates me to even remember that. I can't help what body I was born in- if I could it would be male. I'd maybe have a (patchy albeit) beard by now if I had any say in the matter. My parents don't understand that- none of my family does or will understand that. It sounds like maybe your parents don't understand your pain, try sitting them down and explaining how using the right name and pronouns makes the pain ease up and makes you a happier man. Mine just tried to explain my reasons away, call me crazy, and just outright refuse to try- but it's worth a shot to explain it to your parents.
     
    #34 TinyWerewolf, Jan 16, 2022
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2022
  15. Mysticsnow

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    Thanks for your advice, I am not good with starting a conversation but I will try to talk to them, I am sorry that you're parents are that way towards you, parents should love their children not get angry at them, I really appreciate your advice thanks again.

     
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  16. chicodeoro

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    TinyWerewolf, I feel for you. You must feel so trapped. All I'd say is that sometimes it can take a long long time for parents to accept that the children they have are not the 'perfect' children they thought they'd end up having.

    Conversely, for us it can take us a long time to accept that the parents we have are not the parents we've always wanted. I think it took me until my mid 20s to realise that my father was never going to be the warm, accepting man who'd be interested in my life and what I was doing. For years I clung onto the idea that maybe he'd 'change'. I went through being angry at him, bargaining and depression and yes, finally acceptance that he was the way he was and there was nowt I could do about it.

    Luckily by then I had my own support structure of friends in place; a surrogate family, if you like. Long term, I'd say that's important for you to build. So reach out to potential allies and don't lose touch with the friends you already have. And remember we're all rooting for you here on EC.

    Beth x
     
  17. TinyWerewolf

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    Try writing it down first so you know what you want to say. And also prepare yourself for possible questions.

    I do believe my parents love me, but they believe me being bi and trans is a sin. They don't see the internal struggles I've had with that information either. Most of time they're not angry, only if they think I'm trying to be more masculine and that's the main problem.

    Thanks Beth, I appreciate that. They'should've known I wasn't perfect after watching me grow up and learning I have Asperger's but I get your point. I realize this is hard and try to give them time, it's hard for me though.

    I think I need more guy friends too, it'd be nice to be seen as one of the guys. I haven't come out to one and I doubt he'll take it well (he makes transphobic remarks online and didn't take it well when I told him I'm bi a few years ago). I have one I still see occasionally that knows and accepts me. I have friends I haven't seen in ages from college who all knew, and former coworkers. I just need to be able to talk to them all though. My college friends are graduating this year and this semester might be my last chance to see them. My girlfriend goes to college after this summer too and I'm really going to miss her.
     
  18. DragonChaser

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    Now that you mention it again, did you ever look into any LGBTQ+ advocacy groups available to students at your college? You may want to, retroactively, and perhaps even reach out to them about resources.

    I also don't want to reopen any wounds here, but I think you getting back to college is the next best step for you after getting your house back in order, so to speak.

    A degree has a lot of long-term benefits, and you could try a school in a state that's more accepting. I know you mentioned concerns about missing your family, but don't take it off the table without considering all of its benefits.

    You could start fresh and find friends who love and accept you for who you are; people who won't, I don't know... leverage your emotional connections with others to try and dictate your behavior, say.

    I only mention this because, if I were in your position, I think I'd at least consider finding a college in another state to finish my education, if you haven't already. But obviously, I am not you and I don't know the full dimensions of everything, so take my advice as you will, dear.
     
  19. TinyWerewolf

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    I was really active in our pride club and helped out with an event or two around the end of the semester. That's where I met one of my few in-real-life trans friends and more bi friends. A lot of the professors in my major had ally stickers too, I still secretly ask my favorite professor questions from time to time. There were still some people who didn't like me for it I'm sure (probably my choir professor and maybe one of my music therapy professors). I can't afford going back there without some kind of student loan and I had a really good scholarship back then (I probably don't now). According to what I was told about how scholarships work, I'll get significantly less applying anywhere now than I would've straight out of high school. I had an associate's by the time I graduated high school but the track I picked was meant to be a stepping stone to a bachelor's. I don't even know what I want to do now, I used to think I'd be a therapist or a musician. No one is going to listen to my stuff though, I don't even like my own songs or think they're unique enough. I've thought about going into tech but I don't know crap about that: I'm awful at math and don't know any programming languages. I've also thought about engineering- but that's even more math and it's literally physics and rocket science (and I barely passed trig). I'm just too stupid or generic to make any headway nowadays.

    Maybe I can work my way up here though, this isn't a bad place to work for.
     
  20. quebec

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    TinyWerewolf.....I still think that there are ways that a music career could work for you. The therapy sounds good. Have you ever thought about teaching...perhaps elementary school music? I've done that in addition to Junior high and high school and the elementary kids where really fun. In addition to a regular curriculum, a couple of times a week I would just travel to the classrooms with my guitar and we would have a sing-a-long for thirty minutes...the kids really loved that! Any way consider some alternatives. Going back to college would be a great idea for you! Did you mean working for Empty Closets? If so, sorry...we are all volunteers...no one gets paid. I happen to be retired and so I have the time to spend on EC every day. Anyway...think about going back to school!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag: