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How do you deal with the pity of others?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Dreamsexul, Jan 18, 2020.

  1. Dreamsexul

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    A lot of people over the past couple of years have, seemingly from good motives, either expressed pity at my sexuality/ relationship situation, or hoped I would change, or encouraged me to get 'help' or 'therapy' or something.

    But I don't want to change, see no benefit from changing, am not hurting anyone, and a happy with how and what I am and my relationships.

    I probably shouldn't get irritated at these people, who I guess only have my best interests at heart, but I do. What I want is for them to be happy for me, and to treat me like they treat everyone else - share my joy and support me in my sorrows, not keeping trying to 'fix' me (or at least tell me to get someone else to mend me).

    How do you lot deal with those who express sympathy rather than endorsement, or keep telling you to get 'help' rather than just accepting that what you are is ok?
     
  2. Lek

    Lek
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    "Thank you for caring/your concern, but what I want from people is for them to be happy for me just the way am I."

    . . . It is okay to ask people for what you need. They may not be willing to give it, which leaves you with a decision about whether to keep them in your life. Personally, I want positive people around me.

    Good luck.
     
  3. Devil Dave

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    Lek is right, sometimes we just have to be more demanding towards people, especially if they consider themselves to be our friends and want to have regular contact with us. If they want to connect with us, and they aren't treating us the way we want to be treated, then it's worth speaking up about it. What's the point in surrounding ourselves with people who make us miserable?

    It's true, they may not be intentionally bringing us down. They might think they are giving us the right kind of advice and encouragement, when really they haven't stopped the think about how we might be feeling. I don't try to change others, so why should I put up with people trying to change me?

    When we're at work, we have to follow rules and watch how we talk and act around people. Our friendships should not be hard work, our friends should be the ones who give us outright acceptance.
     
    Dreamsexul likes this.