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How do you casually come out to acquaintances in conversation?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by steel03, Jan 25, 2012.

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  1. steel03

    steel03
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    Hi there.
    I guess this is a question for people who've been doing this longer than I have.
    I've frozen up in this situation a few times now, and I'd love to know if anyone has any advice.
    Scene:
    (me and 2 friends - 1 male, 1 female; female has been "officially" come out to for about 8 months, male is a new friend - at dinner, talking about how it's awkward when you know someone you think is attractive before they know you because you've been Facebook stalking them)
    Male: Yeah, that happened for me with [a mutual friend of ours] the other day.
    Me: She is really beautiful. She looks like Emma Watson.
    Male: I know right! Exactly!
    Female: Especially when she crimps her hair.
    Me: Yep, she's a catch.
    Female: *sniggers*
    Male: You should get that, man! I saw you two holding hands yesterday! [I had just gotten back from a weekend away and we were hugging; we're pretty good friends]
    Me: *instant awkward* Oh, haha... well, that's just because we're friends I guess.
    Male: Oh man, friend zone is the worst.
    Me: Yeah, haha...
    Female: *staring at me waiting to see what I do*

    So I'm really good at bringing it up casually on my own terms (example: the other night, I was talking with another new friend about my high school choir director who used to lie about his sexuality to us, and I said "It was like 'Eric, I'm gay too, it's okay, you don't have to lie'" and that was that). But when I end up in a situation like this, when the conversation turns to girls by itself, I'm totally lost.
    I mean this specific situation doesn't mean much to me. This guy will figure it out eventually; we're going to be in choir together for the next two and a half years, and he's already good friends with several people who know. However, I'm just wondering if any of you more experienced comer outers have any usual methods for casually letting people know as you get to know them.
     
    #1 steel03, Jan 25, 2012
  2. JohnnyBoy

    JohnnyBoy
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    I don't shout it out on the roof that I'm gay but when classmates/co-workers ask me about girls and they don't know I'm gay I normally just either brush it off and don't tell them because it doesn't matter but if the convo switching to relationships and sex I just tell them I have a boyfriend...it doesn't ever get awkward it normally ends up being "Oh no way? You're gay? That's cool" or something like that...my policy is bring it up when it's necessary, keep my mouth shut if its not.

    ETA: The other day at work ( I work at the campus bookstore) we play this game that the next person to walk in we have to flirt with (I know, childish but we get bored) and 2 of us, a girl that knows Im gay and a guy that doesn't know, were playing and she said alright "Johnny, next guy is yours" and the guy was totally confused, so I just told him and life went on.
     
    #2 JohnnyBoy, Jan 25, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2012
  3. Bosco

    Bosco
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    eh?
    I tend to have the same difficulties!
    But I guess for me it comes down to the fact that it's not actually genuinely casual.
    I mean, I'm trying to pass it off as nothing much, but personally it holds *a little* more significance than say... what I had for dinner last night.
     
    #3 Bosco, Jan 26, 2012
  4. Owen

    Owen
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    I just treat it like I'm correcting them on any old fact about me, because that's basically what I doing. A casual, "Actually, I date guys," after a statement that betrays their assumption that I'm straight usually does the trick. It might feel awkward to drop that in a conversation when you aren't doing it "on your own terms", but it'll save you the much greater awkwardness of them not knowing. It gets easier with practice, like all things. The first time or two will be nerve-wracking, but once you've done it a couple of times, it'll come just as casually as telling someone you're left-handed if they assume you're a righty.
     
    #4 Owen, Jan 26, 2012
  5. Curly

    Curly
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    Yea same thing happened to me last night. Went to a dinner/bar with 4 girls from university. One of them is a close friend who already knows, but the other 3 I havn't seen since I graduated. We were all having a good time and talking. Then we went on to the topic of boyfriends and boys in general (... for far longer than I would have liked). I've never been good at discussing this topic when I was closeted, and now I think I got even worse at "playing it straight". My one friend kept looking at me I guess to take the cue from me, and when I didnt say anything, she didn't say anything. I wasn't trying to hide it exactly, but I guess it just didn't seem necessary. ... I guess I would soon end up telling them anyway ... before we go to a strip club for a friend's birthday (it was supposed to be a joke) ... could be ackward if I didn't :icon_wink
     
    #5 Curly, Jan 27, 2012
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