How do people who have never come out go about their lives?

Well, I just sort of go about my life. On the other hand, coming out is really positive for your mental health. Because you know that when people accept you, they accept you with full knowledge of who you are.

 

For me I focus on my goals and dreams, so I study hard (but procrastinate a lot!) I do things that make me happy. I do simple things such as watch a movie, read, catch up on my favorite tv show. I do feel lonely at times.....so you are not alone. I totally relate to your situation. The best advice I can give is just be do things that make you happy and actively pursue your dreams. For me this helps but there are days when I just feel sad but they pass, once I refocus myself.

 

I just focus myself on something like school or work so that I don't think about it. It's frustrating sometimes and I understand how you feel. Just like someone said before me, it's best to focus on something you care about or something important and hopefully you won't think about it as much.

 

I don't see how anyone can live a full life with secrecy and not willing to be open with others. I think it takes time and there is not a right or a wrong way when to come out. I thinking making drastic decisions like marrying the opposite sex or ex gay therapy would be taking things too far but it is a choice that everyone has to make. It is more common these days for people to be willing to come out and be themselves. If I had a second chance in life I would come out at a young age it would of been easier and I would have more time to come out to other people. But here I am at 22 barely out and still looking for the right time.

A reason why it is not healthy to stay in the closet and hide these feelings is it can lead to suicide. It is sad but true.

 

I personaly go about it easily. My friends just think I'm picky, and due to my private nature, they don't ask many questions. But I grew up in a house where I learned to lie for my own safety at an early age. I know that isn't healthy, and that it isn't healthy to stay in the closet, but....after a while it just becomes habit.

 

Well, depends. Yeah, they are right now believing something firmly and adults are pretty firm in stuff unlike 14 year olds. However, people can adopt new beliefs or alter old ones if they have a reason to have a change of heart. They likely love you...maybe God made you gay to save them from hatred? While some parents do lash out and never reunite, some do, and others right away say their kid comes first. So, best wishes to you bro...and me.

 

I know a lot of people on here say that homophobic parents/family are more likely to change when someone they love, and are related to comes out as gay, or bisexual. I have no doubt in some cases that's true. But there does seem to be this sub-set of family where a behavior they see as problematic is okay for "others' but not in their own family, where it may reflect on their parenting, or somehow make a statement about the family in general. What they will accept from others, they will not tolerate from within their families. It gets very confusing for the person who is still in the closet. Instinctively, that closeted person knows there are two sets of rules.
I'm sorry I don't have good advice for you, I'm in the same boat. I just wanted to say you're probably not imagining it.

 

Despite the fact that this is the holiday season, I feel the most alone during this time. It's probably because my family is always together during these months, and we're doing stuff as a family. My parents aren't necessarily homophobic, but that doesn't stop them and my brother from constantly using words like queer, fag, and gay in a negative or joking way. I'm also about to go to college, and they keep reminding me, jokingly that I need to find a girl there. That always brings on the depression. You think after all this time with me showing barely any interest in girls, other than few friends who are girls, they would have caught on.

Now, especially I have to cope with these bottled up feelings. I love to read and watch movies. I don't tend to go out much, but that doesn't bother me as much as it bothers my parents. I'm glad I finally found a site like this, where I can feel comfortable with myself, because God knows I don't fit in anywhere else.

 

"How do people who have never come out go about their lives?"
I'd sure like to know. It's not something I can even consider. I have too much stress as it is, so if I don't come out with the people that matter to me, then I don't know what I'd do. It simply isn't an option for me I think. I just have to come out.

 

Being gay isn't something that I figured out and decided to hide. I've always known that I was gay, but later learned that it was something that I had to keep a secret. I came out for the first time in 6th grade and was bullied until high school, where I learned to keep my mouth shut.

Like KarnKahlo said, I try to focus on other things like school. For a long time I thought it was working, but only this past year did I realize that it was slowly poisoning me. For over ten years I've dealt with self hatred, drug abuse, and meaningless relationships with men.

I truly do not think that anyone can be genuinely happy while keeping that big of a secret. It's not a question of "How do you stay in the closet?" but "How long can you stand to stay in the closet?"

 

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, as I'm pretty sure I'm bi (Kinsey 2) it's quite difficult to come out because being more heterosexual than homosexual it means that in many ways it can actually be harder than if you're just homosexual say.

How do I deal with it? I kind of just don't think about it, I'm not overly concerned that no-one around me knows and I'm quite content living as though everyone around me thinks I'm straight (at least for now anyway, that may change if I find myself in a relationship with a guy).

 

Very few people know my secrets, I am highly selective on who I choose gets to know.
Only those who are my closest friends know, as they demonstrated they can be trusted with such information. I have also earned their total trust to the point where I can enter their house at any time. (I have a set of their keys). Such friends are rare indeed. As they say about levels of friendships, thoughts of betrayal are instantly squashed, we accept each other as a whole package, their strengths as well as their weaknesses. The rest of my friends don't need to know about my deeper secrets just as I don't know what happens in their bedrooms, it's none of my business, I'm ok with that.

 

Just try to focus on what you can do to get out .. away .. however you see it .. there must be a way .. there is always one .. the only down side is that its tough to keep going at times .. you need a motivation in order to keep going .. find one and stick to it .. and know in your heart that sometimes it can be long, dark and cold .. and a lot of dark thoughts may cloud your mind at some times .. but keep at it regardless of all that .. even if you don't make it .. at least you won't say I wish I tried ...

 

What am I saying? :bang:

To make it clear I'm not implying it is harder to be bi than it is to be gay, as someone that is starting to come out my shell about my sexuality I fully understand the challenges that we all share in this process whether you be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender.

Sorry if I caused any offence, I've been stressing all day about getting this assignment in and had to rush posting before I literally ran up to uni to hand it in.

---------- Post added 27th Nov 2012 at 04:03 PM ----------

I'm pretty useless on the relationships front too, some bad experiences with rejection coupled with being deep in the closet about my bisexuality for a long time now means that my sex life has been pretty non-existent.

I'm probably not the best person to ask for advice but I find just hanging out with friends whether it be down at the cinema or going round to someone's house to play computer games de-stresses me a lot.