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How do I talk to other gay guys?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by corb, Nov 24, 2008.

  1. corb

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Atlanta,GA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm having issues approaching gay guys.
    I don't even know where to look, where I kind of have a another purpose to be there. All I can think of is campus ministries and the gay churches. {The lambda alliance really is cliquish. It's like I don't exist.

    Here's some back story:
    I'm a Senior at university and transferred here 3 semesters ago. Before here, I had problems meeting real friends. I thought I needed to look for people "in my league" for friends and dates. I ended up with a couple of gay friends only. Then I had a break with them over the summer when I transferred. From then I decided to take the opportunity to change myself. I went from dressing oddly or sometimes gaily too conforming with the standard and blending in. I even changed how I make friends. I when from avoiding people certain people because i felt self conscious to approaching people "out of my league" and befriend the cute guys. I really make great friends that way. But now I've changed; I'm really a moderately gay guy but I tend to lean towards the people I hang out with regarding mannerisms and behavior. Since I've been hanging with straight guys, it's rubbed off on me. Another thing that has rubbed off on me his my best friend's penchant for being very discerning toward who he goes after. Aka I'm a bit superficial, not really superficial, but noticeable more than I used to be. I look for a standard in friends and potential bfs. But I'm still shy. I'm not a overly shy person nor a overly outgoing person. I'm very much a median loving person.

    My problem is that I've no gay friends to hang out with now. Most of my friends are straight guys and a few straight girls. I've gotten over the incident over the summer and want to hang out with other gay people again but i don't know how to befriend other gay guys. I kinda just fell into at my old college. Now I'm more reserved and less crazy looking than I used to be. there's a lot of gay people here. I can see them walking around campus and such. Yet, I can't approach them the same way I approach straight guys can I? With straight guys it's me following an attraction, but I KNOW they are straight and it's not going to happen. That approach would be dangerous with the knowledge of impossibility removed. Wouldn't it?

    Besides that, what do I talk to when approaching other gay guys? I feel like I'm stereotyping gay guys and myself when I say that but with my old friends there was a large disconnect from my new friends on subject matter. I guess I just need advice for approaching and talking to other gay guys [as friends]. What have you done to find gay friends? Where did you meet them? How would you react to someone approaching you out of the blue and just striking up a convo? Help, please!

    [I thought this thread would be a bit clearer if i rewrote the post.]
     
  2. Mirko

    Staff Member

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    Hi there! Does your university have a GLBT club? Maybe try joining it, hang out in the office and join them for social events. It's a good way to meet and get to know other gay guys. Also, in trying to get to know others, just be yourself. Talk with them as you would with any other friend. Introduce yourself and take it from there. You could maybe ask, "how long are you part of the group?," "what are you guys up to," etc.... Somewhere along the line maybe someone else will ask you about your courses, what do you do at the university, and so on. You might feel a bit nervous and so will they, but after a couple of times, you and they will feel more comfortable.

    Maybe try to approach it with the idea of wanting to make friends rather than trying to follow an attraction. I think that might make it a bit easier for you as well.

    Alternatively, if your university does not have a GLBT group on campus, maybe try finding a group in Atlanta, or nearer where you live. A lot of groups have events that are open to everyone, like meetings in coffee shops. They tend to be very informal and very welcoming.

    Hope this helps a bit. Good luck!
     
  3. corb

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone

    :confused:
     
  4. Mirko

    Staff Member

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    I'm sorry about that. For some reason I missed that part.

    It is a shame that they do not make you feel more welcome right from the start by talking with you. That said, sometimes it takes a while to connect with someone or be able to befriend someone. They know each other and you are the new one trying to 'fit' in and be part of that group. It will take some time, but the more often you show up, and try to be part of it the less likely they are going to ignore you. I assume the group has regular meetings. Maybe if they need someone to volunteer for something, try putting your hand up and say I'd be willing to do it and see what happens.

    Alternatively, if you feel that the Lambda Alliance is not for you, I am sure there are GLBT groups in Atlanta that you could join. Maybe try joining PFLAG (http://www.pflagatl.org/) and take it from there. I'm sure PFLAG could give you some more information on other groups that you could join or what kinds of events are taking place that you could attend.
     
  5. krazykyle

    krazykyle Guest

    I'm pretty shallow myself and tend to hang out with people who dress or looks similar to me. It's worked kinda against me before but now since I'm out its actually been kinda working to my benefit. I like to hang out with people who like similar music and dress similar to me.